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Women have some sort of gender role dominance thing where they will do everything in their power to persuade the friend to break it off with the "bad" guy.
It's just the female version of "bros before hos" (chicks before dicks?) Most women, if they see their friend heading toward a train wreck, will try to warn her off of it. The only time I can think of when I've said anything about a friend's date is when he was an alcoholic and drug addict. If she seems happy and he seems okay, most women will mind their own business and be happy for her friend.
Sounds like an unpleasant evening, and she may be better off without him.
I do agree with you that you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep, whether it’s their best friend or their BF/GF.
However, your friend was not honest with you that she’d started dating this guy.
This is definitely true. I didn't broach the subject with her, but I get the feeling that it was because she wanted to see what I thought of him as a person, rather than "the guy she just started dating." I would have preferred to know from the gate, personally, but I'm not bent out of shape about it.
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She also invited you along with her, you weren’t invited by him, so that combination probably added to the uncomfortable dynamics of the evening.
I was invited
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Like it or not, not everyone is comfortable with opposite gender “best friends”. It’s not right or wrong, it just is. His being a d-bag doesn’t negate the fact that his date showed up with another guy, and he may not have known what to make of that. Doesn't excuse his behaviour AT ALL, but I know I wouldn’t be impressed if a guy I just started to date showed up with another girl to my place.
He knew. We were initially going to go out to dinner, but he was the one that suggested that we (as in, her and myself) come over to his place since there would be other people there and it'd be more social. As I noted, she did admit later that the last time she was over, a couple of his friends were really snarky and douchey to her; I guess that's just part of the way he socializes, and he probably doesn't have the insight to gather that he and his friends' attitudes don't make a really good impression outside of the Hollywood-wannabe "duuuuude" crowd.
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The way you wrote this post, it comes across, IMO, like your friend doesn’t make her own decisions and relies on your opinions as the truth,
There's definitely some truth to this. She is extremely indecisive, and at times, patience is the name of the game with her. She also gives people way too many chances, particularly when it comes to dating, and has a really hard time telling people that she doesn't feel comfortable, wants to be left alone/isn't interested, etc. I'm not the only person in her life whom she's at some point turned to "confirm" a feeling to her... in short, she's got some issues. I'll leave it at that.
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and that you seem to enjoy having control and influence over her choices.
Eh, you make me sound somewhat sinister with this statement... can't say I agree with you. I suppose I can see where you could gather this from what I wrote, but no, I have enough control and influence over my own life as well as various endeavors that I don't have any intrinsic need to exert control over a friend.
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You don’t always need to save her from her choices. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way and come to realizations on their own in their own time, whether you, as a friend, like it or not.
You should consider expanding on your original post. You're about half way to a full fledged novel. I doubt a publisher would be interested in it, but you never know.
Incidentally, I am a writer, and yes: this is a part of my upcoming novel. It's entitled, "You're Funny: I'll Kill You Last."
What if the woman's best friends are jerks? Can you assume its over then too? Sometimes, as a new person entering a relationship and meeting her best friends, if you see this described scenario play out, you should RUN! As much as you may be into her, there won't be a match ever. You'll never get over their jerkiness and they will always pick at you.
Eh, it really depends... for my part, if the guy had been friendly, welcoming, engaging, and polite, and his friends still acted the way they did, I wouldn't necessarily hold it against him. I didn't really gather that any of these goons were sophisticated enough to pick at anyone over the long term, honestly...
2. But the guy's behaviour is understandable because it's a date. You don't bring another person (especially not someone of the opposite sex) on a date.
3. If I were the guy then I would've just asked why she brought someone else on a date.
This is one reason my relationships dont last. The girls best friends are usually b*tches.....I dated one girl who introduced me to her best friend after a few dates, she stuck up her nose at me straight out told me that she didnt like me
A few days later I ran into said best friend at the supermarket. I was buying my gf a present, her best friend insulted it than said she hoped I caught a disease and died.
About a week later my gf who had "been talking to her friends" decided she didnt want to be in a relationship anymore
2. But the guy's behaviour is understandable because it's a date. You don't bring another person (especially not someone of the opposite sex) on a date.
Again, it wasn't a "date," it was a house party that he and his roommates were throwing. She asked a few days in advance if I could come, and he told her it was absolutely okay.
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3. If I were the guy then I would've just asked why she brought someone else on a date.
Predicated on the above, it wasn't a date, and he already knew well in advance that I was coming.
That's the first thing I tell someone who I'm going to date. I actually have 4 F's that are my rules: Food, Flowers, Family/friends, F me alot.
Most of them don't get it so they end up getting Fired!
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