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Let's be clear that by asking the question I am neither taking a stance nor am I indirectly trying to be insulting. I think that the grand majority of us once married or in a long term relationship would probably stay with our partner regardless of what happened to their physical body. But, I do want to ask the question on how it factors in pre-relationship.
We all know the politically correct answer is to say that all you are concerned in is who the person is inside but is that really true? I've experienced many people's behavior to be very different IRL. so what's your stance? it's a deep question so I'm not expecting this to go 2 pages. 2 or three replies will satiate me.
Do you mean paraplegic? Or something else? Because like so many threads, the answer is "it depends".
I'm not eager to start a relationship with someone who will forever have a laundry list of health problems or who is unable to perform in the bedroom. I'm still young and want adventure and travel. I want to go skiing and go to the beach and go hiking or mountain biking. When you're dating someone who is disabled, all of their limitations become yours as well.
It's not a dealbreaker, but it isn't a positive, either.
The issue is not the disablity, but how the person accepts the disability. If the person is full of anger, and denial, that is the problem. If the person accepts his/her disability, but continues living a full life, there are no problems.
I am open to dating people with disabilities. I've dated a woman in a wheelchair. I'm kind of interested in two women right now. One of them is Deaf, in a wheelchair and the other is Hard of hearing, soon to be completely deaf. That's not the reason why I am into them, but to be honest most of the people I spend time with are deaf cause I go to a deaf school.
What jasper said is crucial too--I can't stand disabled people that pity themselves and feel entitled. But any independent disabled person who accepts their disability as a part of their life is game for me in the dating world.
Not all disabilities are the same. Some are visible and some are invisible.
Are we talking only the visible ones?
Great question.
One of my exes has several invisible disabilities, and no visible ones. Another one of my exes has a visible disability but no invisible ones. I have a visible disability and two invisible ones. The Hard of Hearing woman I'm interested in has two other invisible disabilities.
Having a visible vs. invisible disability lends itself to quite a different experience. If you genuinely get to know someone, then you are going to know about the disability regardless of how visible it is, but you will witness other people will treat the person completely differently depending on whether the person's disability is visible or not.
ETA: It can also causes different strains on the relationship. People will expect you to take care of the person you're dating if they are visibly disabled. If they are invisibly disabled, people won't understand why they're so "needy". Etc.
Not all disabilities are the same. Some are visible and some are invisible.
Are we talking only the visible ones?
That's true. I have a invisible disability. I've never had a problem with dating before my disability. Once I meet someone, I explain to them my disability. They looks surprised because I take care of my appearance so well. Most guys I run into can't believe I actually injured myself in the military because I don't look like the typical injured Army women. I' m told I'm attractive and look healthy. but you never know what people go through by looking at the outward appearance. It's about a person and their personality more than the disability.
That's true. I have a invisible disability. I've never had a problem with dating before my disability. Once I meet someone, I explain to them my disability. They looks surprised because I take care of my appearance so well. Most guys I run into can't believe I actually injured myself in the military because I don't look like the typical injured Army women. I' m told I'm attractive and look healthy. but you never know what people go through by looking at the outward appearance. It's about a person and their personality more than the disability.
I have chronic pain and PTSD. Sometimes it really annoys me that all people can see is my blindness, because I find the two invisible disabilities to be 100x more crippling. Of course I don't let them stop my life, but I do find them harder to live with.
One of the hardest things about invisible disabilities is getting the accommodations or support you need and convincing people that your disability is real.
In terms of dating, though, at least people give you a chance because it's up to you when to reveal your disability. With visible disabilities, the vast majority of people blow you off before even giving you a chance.
I have anxiety disorder with agoraphobia. Back when I was first dealing with it, I didn't know how to articulate what I was experiencing. Now I can tell people that it is like falling into a dark hole full of water and trying to struggle to the surface; sometimes, you can struggle and break free to the surface and other times the more you struggle, the faster you sink.
When I call in "sick", it isn't because I have the flu or a cold, it is because I can feel the darkness rising. I've learned to manage it without medication; my control stems from knowing my limits and my body. I have been at work when I have had an anxiety attack and people thought I was just flipping out because of anger, and not because of my disorder. People seem so flippant about it because it isn't a visible thing.
I'll be bluntly honest. If he is blind, wheelchair bound, lost an arm, lost a leg, I would still date him. If it's a learning disability, yes I would date him. Mild ADHD or mild Autistic, yes.
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