Lack of sex in marriages..why? (guy, younger, family, separate)

[11thHour]

One or both let themselves go. Get fat and nasty. Quit dressing nice and taking care of their self. Fall into monotony and routine. Routine and sameness is always a downer. Lose passion for life, get bored and quit caring. Eventually one will crave someone new and different.

[moonsavvy]

I think sex 3-4 a month minimum, but I could never keep up with someone who wanted it daily. Married or not. I think our society is over sexed, we are too influenced by the media. The media uses sex for just about anything it can.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle

But yet some women have to do the shopping, food and all other

Shopping is not necessary every single day of the week. In the USA you guys have big stores like Costco where you can buy for at least a week or more of food. How about WalMart where you can buy food and other necessities and not have to drive to different places to take care of your shopping?

plan and cook meals

One meal a day at the most. Remember, the husband is out for more than half of the day.

laundry

Not done every single day of the week.

clean bathroom every night

Really? How many people live in your house? When I was a child, there were like 6 people in my house, yet, the house was clean as my parents would delegate different house chores to me and my siblings. But then again, it seems american parents are afraid to tell their children what to do.

walk the dog

Going out for a walk is a chore? I wish I could walk a dog instead of sitting in an office dealing with some people you don't even want to see in person.

It's a friggin six hour second job every night

It's not, specially when there are no children around. You can either take care of ALL housechores in one day and have the other days to relax a bit more or do a few housechores each day.

and when it's over, I just want to sleep. The sex was not worth missing my few hours of rest

I wonder how people do it in Asia. My host mother had the house spotlessly clean, food served on the table nice and warm when the father came back from work and when I came back from school, and they still had time to go together to the hot springs, golf driving range, or go to one of those love hotels.

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

Whatever the case, married people report more and better sex than singles. I've posted links in the past on this forum that can be dug up for any interested

And other links were also shared that showed it was the other way around.

Interesting thing is that women are the ones that normally say "Oh, our sex is fine really" when in reality it may not be so to the husbands. It's like men saying "Oh, I am romantic with my wife" but ask those married woman if that is true. See what I mean? Maybe the husband feels that sending a text message makes him romantic and therefore he thinks romance is just fine. Maybe the wife feels sex is just fine just because they have sex a few times a month. What is "fine" for one person may not be for the other.

Originally Posted by justthe6ofus

And??? Just because he has a boner, she should 'service' him? Maybe he should try a little romance, a little seduction, something other than laying there like a lump on a log waiting to be serviced. I sure as heck would tell him to take a hike if he felt as though he didn't have to meet my needs as well.

You're right. As a man, he has to put some effort in romancing you, seducing you, etc. Men have to work it.

Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen

I am worried about what will happen after the baby comes. I can't imagine going without for a month or more!

More than likely, you will. And like many women, you will be too tired to even think about sex.

[*Sixy*]

Originally Posted by onihC

Shopping is not necessary every single day of the week. In the USA you guys have big stores like Costco where you can buy for at least a week or more of food. How about WalMart where you can buy food and other necessities and not have to drive to different places to take care of your shopping?

I get what you are saying, but I prefer to buy my produce and bread the day of. Fresh bread (not the stuff in bags on the grocery store shelves) doesn't last very long and produce doesn't keep very well down here.

Originally Posted by onihC

One meal a day at the most. Remember, the husband is out for more than half of the day.

I cook breakfast and dinner almost every day (except when we decide to eat out) and I typically will cook lunch for myself as well. I stay home though and I have 4 kids of my own plus two that I watch before school.

Originally Posted by onihC

Not done every single day of the week.

It is in this house...2-3 loads a day. We have 6 people though and I have a system that works for me. I can't let sweaty, dirty clothes sit for a week before washing them though. That's nasty...it DOES start to stink after a few days. They all play sports and my husband and I work out daily so there is a lot of "extra" laundry that others may not have.

Originally Posted by onihC

Really? How many people live in your house? When I was a child, there were like 6 people in my house, yet, the house was clean as my parents would delegate different house chores to me and my siblings. But then again, it seems american parents are afraid to tell their children what to do.

My kids don't have additional chores other than to keep their rooms clean and their bed made in the morning. If I ask someone to take out the trash or dust, they will do it but it's not something they are expected to do on a regular basis. During the school year their priorities are good grades (Nothing less than A's and B's) and fulfilling their commitments to their teams.

Originally Posted by onihC

It's not, specially when there are no children around. You can either take care of ALL housechores in one day and have the other days to relax a bit more or do a few housechores each day.

I agree with you here. When we didn't have kids we lived in a 1300sqft apartment and it took me 3 hours to completely clean it (windows, baseboards, floors...etc). I worked at that time and we'd do it on Saturdays.

Originally Posted by onihC

You're right. As a man, he has to put some effort in romancing you, seducing you, etc. Men have to work it.

Yes, I think it's easy for both partners to become "lazy" or complacent day to day.

[himain]

Because alot of women (and some men) feel they already got you so what's the point???

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by midatlantic12

Sex with the same person for years and years is going to eventually get stale regardless of what one does in attempt to "spice it up."

I was with someone for 7 years running, and we never got stale. There is way more to it than that! Effort is everything.
I think people just get lazy and complacent, and expect the other to make the moves.

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by calicali01

Well, for starters, it has to do with Western CULTURE itself. Western culture grooms its citizens to be controlling, manipulative, cold, crass, selfish, narcissistic, and prudish which are characteristics that diametrically appose what's needed for healthy physical intimacy between two people. This is why people from Western countries (men and women) go to 3rd world countries to have the best sex of their lives; the people in 3rd world counties are open, friendly, and very free spirited.

Secondly, people in the West work too much so they have little time to engage in sex as much as they would like.



And lastly, the fact is that there are women who use sex a way to secure a husband. What they do is find a man who they don't necessarily like, (but they know he makes good money) and they lay him real good until he decides to marry her, then she stops having sex with the guy because she got what she wanted and there is nothing he can do.

In fact, there is a saying: "Why are men like tile floors? If you lay 'em properly the first time you can walk all over 'em for years"

So stereotypical and not true in many, many cases.

Personally, I see it as part of my willing job as a wife to be available for my husband sexually. Men should also see it as part of their marital duties.

I am not married right now, but I know that if folks continue over a period of time to neglect their spouses sexually, someone else will, at some point, step in and be more than happy to oblige.

[himain]

Originally Posted by redvelvet709

So stereotypical and not true in many, many cases.

Personally, I see it as part of my willing job as a wife to be available for my husband sexually. Men should also see it as part of their marital duties.

I am not married right now, but I know that if folks continue over a period of time to neglect their spouses sexually, someone else will, at some point, step in and be more than happy to oblige.

Bingo!!! The problem is most people don't think of this and then they're so surprised when their spouse cheats. It's common sense people!!

[Dewdroplet76]

I've been married for almost 7 years and have a 7 month old baby. We do it way more than a couple times a month. We did have to go with out for a couple months before the baby was born and a few months after - but since my husband isn't an a-hole or a sadist - this was fine with him.

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle

Excuse me? Who's paying for the house? This is the 21st century and women have careers and, gasp, some of us make more then the man!

But yet some women have to do the shopping, food and all other, put it away, plan and cook meals, clean up said meals, laundry, clean bathroom every night, keep a spotless house, maintain her wardrobe and his, walk the dog, squeeze in a shower for herself. It's a friggin six hour second job every night and when it's over, I just want to sleep. The sex was not worth missing my few hours of rest

Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Please catch her thoughts on this subject.