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I think it gets bothersome when you're rejected every time.
so?? every man I have ever liked has rejected me too. that's life. eventually someone will keep me! I refuse to give up on love. Dating, yes, but not love.
so?? every man I have ever liked has rejected me too. that's life. eventually someone will keep me! I refuse to give up on love. Dating, yes, but not love.
Every man? I find that hard to believe from some of your posts where you have talked about having boyfriends/lovers.
I think the difference between situations, mir86, is that you have rejected men as well. You could have gotten with some guys casually or seriously (though they were not right or perfect for you), but YOU chose not to be with them. I think what these dudes are saying is that NOBODY is interested in them on any level. I know I felt like that for a long, long time.
Every man? I find that hard to believe from some of your posts where you have talked about having boyfriends/lovers.
I think the difference between situations, mir86, is that you have rejected men as well. You could have gotten with some guys casually or seriously (though they were not right or perfect for you), but YOU chose not to be with them. I think what these dudes are saying is that NOBODY is interested in them on any level. I know I felt like that for a long, long time.
He says he has two friends with benefits situations going on - so I don't think that is what he is saying.
So any relationship that does not end in happily ever after is worthless/worthy or vitrol? I agree, after all you have posted, you shouldn't be pursuing a relationship. It seems you put way too much pressure on your last one to be The One and are really pissed off that it didn't work out that way.
I think stepping back and focusing on being yourself--independent of searching for love--is a good idea. I just find the daily talk therapy part weird. Me thinks he doth protest too much, you know?
I'm just emotionally exhausted and I can't bring myself to go through the entire dating process period. It sucks that much.
You have a right to your opinion on the daily talk. I'm a talker, I like to discuss via socratic method and learn through discussion. If it bothers you, you absolutely are not obligated to continue participating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Let me put it this way (it makes sense to me - maybe it won't to anyone else but oh well!) -
You are in a maze. There is a pot of gold in the middle of the maze. The maze is actually a beautiful maze with flowers, little animals, little tables with delicious food and drinks, other people, etc. But - at first you are so frantic to find that pot of gold that you don't notice anything around you. You are trampling over the flowers, tipping over the tables with food, pushing people out of your way to get to this pot of gold! After awhile - you give up. Then you start frantically trying to get out of the maze. You have decided that not only is the pot of gold not worth it - but you don't want anything to do with it. So, again, you start trampling over flowers, tipping over tables, pushing people and little animals out of your way - all to NOT get the pot of gold. My point is - isn't there a happy medium? Say - walking through the maze and smelling the flowers, sampling the food, talking to the people, petting the animals - and if you happen upon the pot of gold - Awesome! And if you don't - oh well!
Isn't there some happy medium between desperately trying to find love and desperately trying to avoid it?
Okay, now you're actually making a legitimate argument. I get what you're saying, and I really did stop to think hard about it with an open mind. I've identified the problem: it is me. I know that I have this problem that if I like a girl and spend time with her and things go well steadily over time I will end up feeling very strongly for her. I can't help this, I'm a passionate guy, I get pumped up easily for things I'm excited about, and it seems I fall in love far too easily. I wish I didn't, but how do you fix that? I'm trying to just stay away from it at this point because I don't know the answer and the right way to do it, but I have to do something DIFFERENT or I'll keep getting the same results. Each time this happens, especially with the last, I feel more numb to the whole dating thing and I really don't care as much as I used to...does that mean I have to be burned more times before I can finally walk carelessly through the maze? I don't think that's something I'm willing to put myself through.
You also are missing something from your maze....the gold in the middle: it can run out, it can disappear, it can send you spiraling further into the maze. Divorce is over 50% these days, finding someone, falling in love, getting married, starting a family...those hold no water in upholding the committment of loving someone the rest of your life. 25 years of marriage can be thrown away in a matter of a couple days without looking back.
It's not even certain that there is gold in the middle, you're walking through a maze that guarantees nothing.
Every man? I find that hard to believe from some of your posts where you have talked about having boyfriends/lovers.
I think the difference between situations, mir86, is that you have rejected men as well. You could have gotten with some guys casually or seriously (though they were not right or perfect for you), but YOU chose not to be with them. I think what these dudes are saying is that NOBODY is interested in them on any level. I know I felt like that for a long, long time.
yes I've talked about previous boyfriends but that's the thing, they didn't keep me. that rejection hurts more than the initial dating process not working out. and sure I've rejected guys before, but I've also been dumped by all the men I've liked so its not like I don't know rejection. I don't believe anyone who tells me they have never rejected anyone. I'm sure the OP has had to reject at least one girl in his life. so its not like he's the only one being rejected. Either way, if he just doesn't want a relationship, that's one thing but to try to condition himself into something he isn't wired for like being alone and without love, is just absurd to me. Taking a break from it, I get that, but trying to permanently be without it when from what I get, he wants love? crazy. so I agree with Dewdrop on this one.
He says he has two friends with benefits situations going on - so I don't think that is what he is saying.
What is he saying? I'm confused........
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