Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
One of my best friends younger sister(who happens to be 23) is currently pregnant by a man she went to highschool with. He is also 23. They are engaged. He is currently working two jobs, one during the day(physical labor), and one at night(so to have money saved up for the baby). This young man chose not to go to college, and earning potential at his current occupation is not very high. As it stands he does not earn very much, but is a hardworker, and is the best worker at both jobs he works at. The issue is that my friend's sister is college educated, and works at a marketing communications firm making decent money for her age, and has higher earning potential. It is very obvious that most likely he will not make as much as her, and that for all intents and purposes she will probably take on more of the financial burden for this baby. My friends says her sister talks about living in a nice neighborhood, buying a house, eventually one day being A SAHM(if they have other kids) and sending this baby(and other children) to good schools. However the reality is that her "so" would not be able to provide this sort of lifestyle with just his income alone.
When I asked my friend, what she thought about her sisters situation. My friend said she was very upset. She feels that if a man is not able to be a provider, or is not willing to provide his woman the lifestyle that she is accustomed to or wants then he does not love her deeply enough and is not much of a man. She feels that a man should be willing to do whatever to provide the woman in his life(his wife that is) with the lifestyle she desires, and that if he is not able to do so with his current income, he needs to take the necessary steps to be able to do so(i.e. going to back to college, going to a different industry etc).
She is very oldschool with her beliefs. This is not the first time I've heard someone say something like this. My mom at one point had expressed similar beliefs, and had a made point, when I was growing up, to make sure that we asked any man that we decided to date "what can you do for me?"
So this brings me to the question--do people still have these beliefs? Are they realistic? If a woman desires a nice life, should her husband, fiance, whatever do whatever it takes to give her the life she wants, even if it means doing things he does not want?
Is it bad for a man to not be able to be the sole provider, or the provider at all?
And for the record, when I asked how her sister ended up with this man, being that her sister was an educated, attractive woman, with a decent income--she said that they were best friends all through highschool and fell back in touch her last year of college, and that he "gets her" in a way that the other guys she dated did not. I asked if she(her sister) had thought about the guys earning potential and the impact it would have on the lifestyle she desires before making the decision to get engaged and have a baby, and apparently the sister did, but at 23 I'm assuming, not enough.
Anyway just looking for input. I'm interested in seeing if people still believe in these things.
I do believe in the concept, yes, but it really does come down to what works for each couple. It is honorable, but many people have gotten pretty far away from tradition. If she wants the man over the SAHM lifestyle, she will most likley need to work, too, but there are several choices for working out of the home. Just a matter of checking out the options.
Last edited by redvelvet709; 05-02-2012 at 07:37 AM..
That is a ridiculous point of view. I took care of myself equally with my husband. We both took care of our children. Every couple has to work it out for themselves but most men are not interested in golddiggers.
A golddigger is whole different type of woman than one who wants to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Really, there are big differences. It's a lifestyle preference. Some moms really think it's best for the kids to spend those early years at home with them.
I was a stay at home dad for three years. My (now ex) wife has a high paying job. If the woman makes more it makes sense that the man stays at home. It´s 2012 what is the problem?
We ended up divorcing for other reasons. I have a very close relationship with my daughter and I think we bonded a lot during those first years.
This is not the first time I've heard someone say something like this. My mom at one point had expressed similar beliefs, and had a made point, when I was growing up, to make sure that we asked any man that we decided to date "what can you do for me?"
This is not the first time I've heard someone say something like this. My mom at one point had expressed similar beliefs, and had a made point, when I was growing up, to make sure that we asked any man that we decided to date "what can you do for me?"
what a crappy role model- I'm so sorry.
Ever wonder what some of the reasons for disfunctional relationships are? Well, the above is one of the many.
As a woman, and one whose professional aspirations have been exclusively in the realm of the fairly modestly paid (not by design, they just happen to be the fields in which I have a talent and interest), I actually spent a lot of my single life worrying that men would be uninterested in a woman who DIDN'T "pull her own weight," in their estimation. This was further reinforced when I dated a guy who categorically told me that there was no way he would ever consider marrying somebody who worked in a field as low-paying as education, etc., and that he didn't really respect women who chose fields that didn't pay highly, when plenty of high-powered fields are open to women. Ouch.
As a highly educated professional man, I am sorry to have to inform you that this line of thinking is a minority opinion, both for you and the terd that thinks his sh*t doesn't stink. And I have several friends who are doctors, lawyers, business execs and I have never heard any of them mention anything like only being involved with a woman who "who can carry her own weight", but instead more often expressing a desire for their potential mate to have at least some professional status. Admittedly, I use to think my ideal mate should have a similar pedegree as me but I later discovered the errors of my ways from the failed relationship with these types. It took that to find out what I really needed in a relationship was more emotional compatibility than her resume.
My experience is that women who earn more than their mate present a challenge the typical male mindset of being a provider, i.e., a man who can bring home the bacon. If you can get over that, than it it's no longer a marital issue. However, I can see your point of view if you have likewise zeroed out the possibility of having a relationship with a man who doesn't measure up to your economic standards. If that is the case, I wish you the best of luck in finding marital bliss.
Well scanning through your post I do disagree with your friend's statement that if a man doesn't provide (even if he is trying) a certain lifestyle for his woman then he doesn't love her enough. Many people don't live to other's standards and expectations, but are just as happy. If your friend's younger sister is happy and doesn't mind the situation then I dont' see the problem. His earning potential could change or they can make it work by budgeting because she is the breadwinner for the most part
On the other hand, I do believe that it is the job of the man to be the leader and provide, but I am also a college educated woman myself and I like to work and hold my own. If she plans on being a SAHM at some point, then she should broach the subject with him getting in a better position. If what is working for them right now works well, then let them be.
They need to get married as soon as possible to avoid having an illegitimate birth. But it's a good thing he didn't stay in college or else, he would have racked up thousands in debt and be paying them off for years to come. As long as he works hard, he should be able to move up his work ranks, and over time, he'll be able to make a higher income. Which is why I think college is a waste of time and money for most people. Another factor is if they cut back on spending, spend their money on only necessities, save whatever they can and build up their savings, they should be fine.
I don't know why some of you suggest the guy stays at home to raise the baby, that's not what he's supposed to do. He's the one that needs to be working and providing for his future wife and baby. The future mother is the one that should stay at home. She's the mother and has more of a nurturing instinct than he would, plus the baby would need to be breastfed, etc. It being "2012" has nothing to do with it, this isn't the 1970s anymore.
I don't know why some of you suggest the guy stays at home to raise the baby, that's not what he's supposed to do. He's the one that needs to be working and providing for his future wife and baby. The future mother is the one that should stay at home. She's the mother and has more of a nurturing instinct than he would, plus the baby would need to be breastfed, etc. It being "2012" has nothing to do with it, this isn't the 1970s anymore.
My wife came home to breastfeed. When she couldn´t we had mothersmilk in a bottle which she had pumped in the morning. What is the problem. I had/have an ok job but will never earn anywhere near what she does.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
