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I started dating this guy 7 years ago, it was just a thing in his eyes so it lasted a few months but we became real close, like best friend but I never told him how I felt at that time, we continued to talk and stay close all these years, I started dating him again about 1 1/2 years ago, he asked me to marry him and I said yes but now we are on this down word spiral. He keeps going from job to job saying that its not rite, I am paying all the bills and there is no passion any more, we have not been together in over a month if you know what I mean and he says he is stressed out because of work, that was ok at first but now it is getting old, I have started asking myself if it is me but that can't be it because I have guys asking me out every day so what is the problem, could it really be he is stressed out or has he fallen out of love with me? this is not the 1st time this has happened with him and I am not use to this, am I going to spend the rest of my life like this if I marry him, I have needs and they are not being met, what do I do? He makes me feel selfish but I can only beg so much. What would you do?
Don't beg!
Did he ask you to marry him when he was out of a job? You are paying all the bills, and what I am reading, he is using you.
If you are living together, move out or kick him out. He needs to realize that the marriage he wants is a committment and he needs to give his part. Until he does that he is not ready for this relationship.
Good luck in what ever you do.
I would rethink the marriage idea, if the passion is gone now what's going to happen on your 10th, 25th, 50th anniversary. Run now before you fall into a mundaine trap.
It sounds like you're living together? That does make it harder to step back and get perspective, unfortunately .
What about working towards living apart? You can still date, but you'd each have your own space to work out any career issues, etc.
Also, if guys are asking you out each day, then it's entirely probable that you are sending out a message that you are available......maybe you want to be available?
You don't sound confident enough in your relationship to get married - at this point, that should be the last thing on your mind. He may be depressed or he may just be a jerk - you know that more than I would. You should run for it if that's what your instincts tell you. If he doesn't straighten up and fly right, don't settle it. Life is too short.
^^^^^^I agreee with all of the above posters. Dont get stuck in a marriage that down the line you wish you were never in. I think everyone has touched on the different issues, so I will leave it at that.
Good luck at whatever you choose.
If it were me....and these are simply my feelings and how I would deal with it...doesn't say it's right for you...
I would first talk with him, and suggest we go to counseling....if he doesn't want to, then I would most certainly pack up and leave....
It sounds to me, like there are a lot of underlying problems, which could stem from both of your childhoods.
Relationships change, and do not ever always stay romantic....but they should in fact mature, along with both partners.....
Remember, no two people are ever on the same plain at the same time....we all have our ups and downs, but when they start effecting others in a negative way, then, we need to consider, that we have bigger problems then what we thought and perhaps need to get help to learn how to deal with them.
Also, consider, if your relationship is contaminated to this point now, what will it be like later?
It is, to me, irresponsible of him, to keep floating from job to job. That is ok, if you are alone and single, but when you do that, when your with someone, it is immature and proves to me, a lack of respect for the mate, and I'm assuming there is a lull between jobs...in other wards..is he not working for lengths of times in-between jobs?
If you leave, I would also seek counseling to learn how to deal with your emotions...b/c I do know for a fact, when a person is connceted emotionally to an issue, we cannot always see things as realistically and easily as we should.
What are you getting that's so great you would fight for it?
Don't think for a minute marriage is the cure for what ails him.
Well said...Simple and true!
If you had something worth fighting for then I can understand. Based on your post....you deserve more. If it's going downhill now, marriage can add more problems, not solve them. Life is too short, GO AFTER WHAT YOU REALLY WANT! Don't settle!
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