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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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For people who are constantly in relationship tumult, do you really want answers or do you go to forums such as this to vent? If you really want answers, why don't you read something by authors such as John Gray, Michael Fiore, Rori Raye.....Steve Harvey (highly recommended)? Just curious.
I've been on here a few times specifically to have people go "You're so RIGHT, JerZ! What a s ch muck your husband is"...I admit that. Most of the time, though, I come here because I am fascinated with relationships and/or because I really want help with my marriage.
When I was single and in my early 20s, everything was drama. I FINALLY realized the one thing all those horrible relationships had in common was me. Once I stepped away from the self-fulfilling prophecies, life was so much better.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,002,157 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
I've been on here a few times specifically to have people go "You're so RIGHT, JerZ! What a s ch muck your husband is"...I admit that. Most of the time, though, I come here because I am fascinated with relationships and/or because I really want help with my marriage.
When I was single and in my early 20s, everything was drama. I FINALLY realized the one thing all those horrible relationships had in common was me. Once I stepped away from the self-fulfilling prophecies, life was so much better.
Fair enough. Have you ever read anything by Steve Harvey? Or any of the authors on relationships? If so, what did you think?
Fair enough. Have you ever read anything by Steve Harvey? Or any of the authors on relationships? If so, what did you think?
Oh yes! Rori Raye (who, it turns out, is surprisingly non-manipulative in her tactics once you dive in...actually, she reiterates constantly that if you do have to keep playing certain games, that just isn't the relationship for you), Beverly DiAngelo (can't remember the spelling) and some others.
I'm not keen on John Gray, but I'm not exactly against him, either. He just feels a little fluffy to me.
What I did think of Raye and DiAngelo, et al: I liked the advice. Often, it was to concentrate on oneself and stop turning somersaults to land some man you don't actually want anyway. What you almost certainly really want is the drama...and confirmation of your own negative beliefs. That repeating idea really straightened my head out when I was young.
It was all a long time ago but I do think I got a lot out of digging in deep and really thinking about things.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,002,157 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185
Or the take pity on me threads (or people who interject others threads to whine and seek more pity)
I think the latter is often the reader trying to relate to the OP. After all, how many ways can you offer empathy in these threads? Relating is the only way many know how.
I haven't read the Steve Harvey book, but I saw him on one of the morning shows and it sounded like his sage dating advice to women was that men are incapable of being reliable or thoughtful, so it's best not to expect much. Expecting a guy to step up and expressing that is akin to nagging. Not very flattering or helpful to either men or women.
When I was in a relationship, I asked questions about whether I was in the wrong or right and what they thought about the situation. Everyone seemed to agree with me and so I did what I felt was right and dumped her :P This forum made me a happy man.
I haven't read the Steve Harvey book, but I saw him on one of the morning shows and it sounded like his sage dating advice to women was that men are incapable of being reliable or thoughtful, so it's best not to expect much. Expecting a guy to step up and expressing that is akin to nagging. Not very flattering or helpful to either men or women.
That honestly sounds like someone pushing a stereotype instead of helpful advice... maybe there is more to it that he couldn't get into on a talk show interview?
I think the latter is often the reader trying to relate to the OP. After all, how many ways can you offer empathy in these threads? Relating is the only way many know how.
No, I'm talking about the people who come into a thread (example) about a women/mans relationship problem and someone (not naming names) will jump in and say "divorce/dump him/her, I dated men/women and they are all "X", I've sworn off dating because all men/women are terrible". Then they take the thread over, regaling us with their tales of horrible relationships of old.
There's lots of those.
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