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I know people who moved from the "friend" zone because the guy or girl was in a relationship (maybe just a couple dates) with a common friend and once that relationship ended, things changed and opened up a "friend" to a different category.
One guy even said, he liked this rather naive girl that was dating his buddy but he knew the relationship would not last because he knew what a jerk his buddy was. Of course he had to be nothing more than friends with her until the time was right and he could move in to help her pick up the pieces. They've been married 24 years and have 3 grown kids.
I know another girl who dated a girl -- just a couple dates but she ditched him and the younger sister then saw her chance and ended up marrying him.
And some people when widowed or divorced will end up dating and marrying from the same social circle where they were just friends in earlier years.
I do think it's true that people instinctively and unconsciously rate everyone they meet first in terms of sexual attraction. "If we were both available he or she would be definite possibility".."possible possibility", "never even if we were the only two people left in the world". That goes for all friends and acquaintances too. So in that case someone might just be a friend because that's all circumstances allowed but if those circumstances change then they could convert to romance.
It must happen often enough. I think it was the columnist Ann Landers who used to say something like: "Romance is friendship that's caught fire." It's the best way to go, to know someone as a friend, then you start realizing this is a really great person, and you grow closer, and before you know it, SHAZAM! you're really attracted to each other and find each other hot. You already know each other really well from being friends, so there's not the awkward getting-to-know-each-other dating phase to go through.
That is how it has happened for me. I have gotten to know a person and it's just like you describe, the friendship 'caught fire'.
Unfortunately, none of those women saw it the same way ... at all. Too bad. Those would have been by far the hottest, passionate relationships I ever had.
Most women don't think like you I would say. Most women know if they will sleep with a man within a few minutes of meeting him. That subject is the butt of a lot of jokes, but it's true.
I do think it's true that people instinctively and unconsciously rate everyone they meet first in terms of sexual attraction. "If we were both available he or she would be definite possibility".."possible possibility", "never even if we were the only two people left in the world". That goes for all friends and acquaintances too. So in that case someone might just be a friend because that's all circumstances allowed but if those circumstances change then they could convert to romance.
I beleive people 'friend zone' others b/c they're not attracted to them, looks wise probably. I don't even think it has to do with "will ruin the friendship" and all that babble. So it's not a high percentage that's going to get out of the 'friend zone' into 'relationship zone,' b/c the person wasn't attracted to you in the first place.
It's impossible for me to even consider being just friends with a woman I was attracted to. Talk about awkward.
The way it works is that initially, you're not attracted to her. You get to know her from around the office, or from soccer games on weekends, or from hiking trips when you're both in the same hiking club. After spending time together casually that way, you might discover you have a lot in common. She might even surprise you by knowing a lot about one of your favorite hobbies; she's a car buff, or a history buff, or a motorcycle buff. That suddenly grabs your interest. You get more curious about her. You start to look forward to those weekend hikes, or the car shows where you know she'll show up, or whatever it is. Then at some point, things spark, and really take off. Suddenly you see her in a completely different light, and you find yourself really attracted to her.
Disclaimer: This generally doesn't work for shallow guys who are only looking for "hot" women.
The way it works is that initially, you're not attracted to her. You get to know her from around the office, or from soccer games on weekends, or from hiking trips when you're both in the same hiking club. After spending time together casually that way, you might discover you have a lot in common. She might even surprise you by knowing a lot about one of your favorite hobbies; she's a car buff, or a history buff, or a motorcycle buff. That suddenly grabs your interest. You get more curious about her. You start to look forward to those weekend hikes, or the car shows where you know she'll show up, or whatever it is. Then at some point, things spark, and really take off. Suddenly you see her in a completely different light, and you find yourself really attracted to her.
Disclaimer: This generally doesn't work for shallow guys who are only looking for "hot" women.
Let me put it this way: if I have even the slightest inkling of a desire to sleep with a particular woman, then I wouldn't think of being just friends with her. She doesn't have to be "hot" necessarily, just attractive to me. I might pretend to be friends for a little while. But it wouldn't last long at all. She will know that I'm interested in more.
Friend zone means no sex ever. That's just how I'm wired to react. This of course is just one man's point of view.
Last edited by BigCityDreamer; 05-26-2012 at 07:29 PM..
Let me put it this way: if I have even the slightest inkling of a desire to sleep with a particular woman, then I wouldn't think of being just friends with her. She doesn't have to be "hot" necessarily, just attractive to me. I might pretend to be friends for a little while. But it wouldn't last long at all. She will know that I'm interested in more.
Friend zone means no sex ever. That's just how I'm wired to react. This of course is just one man's point of view.
This is the way I plan to operate going forward as well too. As a matter of fact, I plan on being forward with women I don't feel an attraction for too.
Will it make me look sleazy and kill the process of 'getting to know a woman'. Possibly. But I won't get burned again letting a fire slowly develop over time only to get rejected.
Maybe if I had met women like Ruth4Truth when I was younger, I'd be totally different.
But right now, I think this is the best way for guys to approach women.
It's impossible for me to even consider being just friends with a woman I was attracted to. Talk about awkward.
I agree 100%. This stopped before I ended college.
However, I think women process this differently. I've had some girls/women that I wasn't interested in remain friends with me, and it almost seemed like they were waiting for me to change my mind. Since I never did, I wouldn't expect a woman to change her mind, either. That's why I've walked away.
I put down 10-25%. Realistically, I think it's like 11 to 13%. Maybe 1 in 9, or as high as 1 in 8. It would depend on a couple of circumstances like:
a) there was a time gap in the friendship and they met years later
b) looks/weight/grooming had improved
c) a person crawled out of their shell more
d) a person finished school, got into the workforce and figured things out
e) a person mellowed and relaxed their criteria
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Too bad. Those would have been by far the hottest, passionate relationships I ever had. 
