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Eh it's POF and it turned right over when I had my b-day so there goes that. I think knocking 3 years off is very much lying and that he should have come clean on the first date. I don't think that you using your middle name is lying b/c it is still your name--my mom hated her first name and always went by the middle one.
I just have to decide whether having a lot in common and lots of chemistry and the fact that he lives a lifestyle that attracts me will override what I consider a breach of my values, and values are the glue that holds a relationship together. Many will think I'm silly, but as I said I've been lied to a lot in my life and it just feels really icky. Yes I think KathrynAragon is right when she says that you have to be honest all upfront. If not, people are getting something that isn't what they thought. BTW, Kathryn, reps on that post b/c I couldn't rep you yet again.
LOL, thank you, Stepka and I am with you. It would be a pretty big deal to me - not a deal breaker, but a big ginormous red flag. I'd have to confront him about it and see how he handled it. Then I'd have to let him know that LYING to you about it is worse than him being three years older - sheeze! I mean, if he didn't get pissy, I'd laugh about it but I'd let him know "No bueno."
And then I'd keep my eye on him.
For the record though, my darling husband, who I adore, DID lie to me about something pretty specific, on our first date. Then he got his tail in a crack. Then he didn't know how to tell me - then he got all stressed about it because he's basically a very honest, upfront person. He was so disturbed by lying to me and now not knowing how to tell me, that he went and talked to his MOTHER about it (she told him to tell me - but he still didn't!). Long story short, I didn't find out the truth till after we were married. I WAS SO TICKED OFF. It was a stupid thing to even lie about! He could have told me MONTHS before and it would have been fine!
Boy did he know I was furious. To my knowledge he's never lied to me since. And let me tell you - I did check up on him for a year or so - it hurt the trust level.
So - even good men lie sometimes - and often about the dumbest stuff. So...there you have it.
Eh it's POF and it turned right over when I had my b-day so there goes that. I think knocking 3 years off is very much lying and that he should have come clean on the first date. I don't think that you using your middle name is lying b/c it is still your name--my mom hated her first name and always went by the middle one.
I just have to decide whether having a lot in common and lots of chemistry and the fact that he lives a lifestyle that attracts me will override what I consider a breach of my values, and values are the glue that holds a relationship together. Many will think I'm silly, but as I said I've been lied to a lot in my life and it just feels really icky. Yes I think KathrynAragon is right when she says that you have to be honest all upfront. If not, people are getting something that isn't what they thought. BTW, Kathryn, reps on that post b/c I couldn't rep you yet again.
I agree with you, and I was in the same position as you -- married to a gay man that lied like a Persian rug. A lie will fall out of his mouth before the truth can even form words. It's uncanny.
People generally don't understand how a BIG lie like that one (secretly gay) and all the little lies around it can hurt your trust in people in general.
Kathryn, I was totally joking in that entire post.
Well, that's a relief!
I was being pretty flippant myself!
But there really is a lot of truth to that whole "marketing" concept. Some people really just aren't that good at marketing, and that makes looking for a mate even more difficult.
Right and men never pull that crap. Back in the old days it happened to me as much as I did it myself. Now it happens to me sometimes but I've stopped doing it to others.
So, as I said, dating in middle age is so confusing. I met the greatest guy--mentioned him a few pages back and had another awesome date with him yesterday and chemistry out of this world and he is great for intellectual conversation, we share many values (or seem to), and we have a great deal in common. The only problem I've been having is that he is 9 years older, or so I thought. Googled him last night and found out that he's actually 12 years older. 9 was a stretch but now it's 12 and he lied. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet but it really bothers me. Friends have said I should overlook it but I was lied to for 25 years by a gay husband and I have a sis who is a pathological liar and plus it's just dumb--why would he not realize that the info is easily found? I could get more dates if I lied about my age too but I never did. I'd almost like to be able to overlook it but not sure if I can--afraid it would cause further problems down the road and this is getting off to a bad start.
(I checked more than one website and one was a genealogy one, where they tend to be a bit more picky about BD accuracy than your normal site. He lives in a very small town and has an odd name, so I know it's him.)
You did all this searching in order to discount him. Three years is nothing. Are.you sure you are ready to date? It sounds like you really arent ready to connect with someone.
You did all this searching in order to discount him. Three years is nothing. Are.you sure you are ready to date? It sounds like you really arent ready to connect with someone.
It's not a three year difference--it's a 12 year difference. I originally thought it was 9 and that was a stretch for me already. Certain things, ahem, are very important to me, if you know what I mean.
Right and men never pull that crap. Back in the old days it happened to me as much as I did it myself. Now it happens to me sometimes but I've stopped doing it to others.
So, as I said, dating in middle age is so confusing. I met the greatest guy--mentioned him a few pages back and had another awesome date with him yesterday and chemistry out of this world and he is great for intellectual conversation, we share many values (or seem to), and we have a great deal in common. The only problem I've been having is that he is 9 years older, or so I thought. Googled him last night and found out that he's actually 12 years older. 9 was a stretch but now it's 12 and he lied. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet but it really bothers me. Friends have said I should overlook it but I was lied to for 25 years by a gay husband and I have a sis who is a pathological liar and plus it's just dumb--why would he not realize that the info is easily found? I could get more dates if I lied about my age too but I never did. I'd almost like to be able to overlook it but not sure if I can--afraid it would cause further problems down the road and this is getting off to a bad start.
(I checked more than one website and one was a genealogy one, where they tend to be a bit more picky about BD accuracy than your normal site. He lives in a very small town and has an odd name, so I know it's him.)
well its only three years..I see all the time women who put up photos of themselves a few years back when they were 40 lbs lighter. I quit online dating altogether just to much BS
Right and men never pull that crap. Back in the old days it happened to me as much as I did it myself. Now it happens to me sometimes but I've stopped doing it to others.
So, as I said, dating in middle age is so confusing. I met the greatest guy--mentioned him a few pages back and had another awesome date with him yesterday and chemistry out of this world and he is great for intellectual conversation, we share many values (or seem to), and we have a great deal in common. The only problem I've been having is that he is 9 years older, or so I thought. Googled him last night and found out that he's actually 12 years older. 9 was a stretch but now it's 12 and he lied. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet but it really bothers me. Friends have said I should overlook it but I was lied to for 25 years by a gay husband and I have a sis who is a pathological liar and plus it's just dumb--why would he not realize that the info is easily found? I could get more dates if I lied about my age too but I never did. I'd almost like to be able to overlook it but not sure if I can--afraid it would cause further problems down the road and this is getting off to a bad start.
(I checked more than one website and one was a genealogy one, where they tend to be a bit more picky about BD accuracy than your normal site. He lives in a very small town and has an odd name, so I know it's him.)
the older you get the less chances to find a male who wants you. Men die off younger and most middle age men in there 40 and 50's date women 5-15 years younger.
I would think so, the middle ages were a brutal time for a lot involded outside of kings/rulers and maybe the church. I'm sure they had their share of weddings but there was constant warfare so I doubt there were as many husbands and fathers still around, not to mention the bubonic plague wiping out half the population in some countries. Could you imagine dating some girl and find out a week later she died of the plague and it keeps happening over and over? I'd be like "Seriously, where can I find some women who won't die from the plague??"
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