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Um...we all are looking for someone that there is mutual physical attraction, as WELL as "someone they get along with". Why on earth would you think that older people don't experience or want physical attraction??
went extremely well except for one thing--no spark. He hugged but didn't kiss me good night either time and I was relieved. Trouble is, everything else about him is perfect--we talked quite a lot and got along well. He is texting and seems to want to see me again, but after 2 dates with no spark, I just don't want to lead him on. Should I tell him when he asks again? Now? See him again anyway and see if he grows on me? He's too nice of a person to play games with.
I don't understand the "play games" comment. I've never played any games with men...and find it odd that you would think it necessary. Be honest, and be yourself.
As far as the "no spark"...I was in a very similar situation a few years ago. The guy was really nice, and reasonably attractive, and I went out with him because he WAS so very nice...even though I didn't feel any chemistry. I ended up going with him a few times to see if something could ignite a spark...(NOT to play games!)...but it was not to be. I told him that we just did not click, and that was that. I still see him at parties...(he is a friend of a friend) and he always gives me a big hug...so all have survived.
Hmmm, I'm 28 and I think the 'spark' is overrated. I've always had long term relationships with the sparks but never wanted to marry them because there were too many differences that eventually drove me away. I'm still on the fence about this, of course it's important to be attracted no matter what age but perhaps we need to look at ourselves and see what is it that sparks us? Is it that they fill a gap in our lives, something we lack, which is good but can lead to conflict.
Shouldn't we as we get older fill in those gaps ourselves and look for a true partner? That's what I find myself doing. I'd like someone to compliment me yet share the same principles and vision of the future. I don't expect butterflies and sparks everyday with a man I was in a relationship with. I would expect respect, honesty and a sense that he has my back and is as devoted to us as I am. I strive for the quiet, deep relationship with that certain knowing.
I don't get this whole "spark" thing..... <must just be me???> but then again.... I had "sparks" with a guy a long long time ago, and it ended really really BAD! (abusive)
As a result, how can I have "sparks" with somebody I BARELY KNOW??????
I suspect the whole "sparks" thing is just a justification for LUST!
I'm not interested in lust. I'm interested in finding a life long COMPATIBLE SOUL MATE.
The "spark" takes more time. It is like starting a cold, older car, as opposed to firing up the Mustang. But once you get it going, it will get you where you want to go. If you are looking for that spark, it is not gonna happen. But it will be a long, enjoyable ride with someone if you sahre interests.
It just requires time and finding social outlets. Make friends with a variety of people of both genders and mix it up with different age groups. Skip dating until you feel the spark.
I'm rather favoring this approach and have been accepting invitations from smaller groups of people who are going out and doing fun stuff. That's how I met this man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah
I would be happy with any guy who was interesting and compatible. Sparks come later. You also have to consider that you may be holding back emotionally out of fear - of being hurt, being rejected, just not wanting to go through it all again.
I have considered that this could be part of the problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
I wouldn't be expecting a spark. If you are over 50 most likely your hormones are not going to provide you with the "urge" to reproduce that we feel in our 20s, which is more commonly known as being "crazy in love" with someone. If you find someone you like, get along with, have similar interests and values, I'd say you are doing better than most.
Just be open and honest with him and tell him you aren't interested in sex, at least not at this time, leaving your options open, because you never know what the future could hold.
20yrsinBranson
I also like this option but honey, I'm still as full of hormones as I was at 18. LOL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61
Stepka, I agree with this. You're a little nebulous with the "I didn't feel the spark" comment. There's a wide range there. Is the guy just physically repulsive to you (fat, ugly, slovenly), or is he reasonable looking but you just don't find him sexy?
If the man is intelligent, interesting, witty and you're compatible, I would really just give it time. Most men I've known in my life I never felt an instant spark to-- it took some time. And many I felt sexually attracted to were such a-holes that the spark lasted all of 16 seconds.
Since you seem to like him, give it several more dates and see if things improve. If you still have no attraction for him, at least you have gained a new friend. That's not bad!
I think by feel the spark, I mean do I have the desire to kiss him? I was relieved when he didn't and part of the problem is my allergies were kind of going crazy and I wouldn't have kissed me either. Also, with the spark, at this age I sort of know what feeling I'm looking for in a date and I sometimes feel that feeling with other men but either they're not interested in me or they're married but I'm not going to date married men, spark or not. He's not repulsive at all--he's nice looking and I like everything about him. I do like the idea of just keeping it light for now and hanging out with groups. And I know what you mean about fireworks--yeah I've had that too and with some pretty inappropriate men. Something between kissing my brother and kissing a frog would be nice.
You guys were sweet about my picture but that was taken a year and a half ago and I've had a lot of stress since then and I think it aged me 5 years. Men don't check me out as much as they did even just a year ago. I should probably go to bed and get more sleep lol.
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Why on earth would you think that older people don't experience or want physical attraction?? 
I've never played any games with men...and find it odd that you would think it necessary. Be honest, and be yourself. 
