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I have a great career and I'm financially independent (not a gold digger). I'm well educated.
Well. One piece of advice.
At age 23, I would hold off on making those bold proclamations to any man.
Unless you got your doctorate at age 20, have been working as a biomedical engineer for the last three years making six figures, and just put down 20% on a second house in the Hamptons last month...
That doesn't sound like you're happy. If you feel lonely and are wanting all the time to be in a relationship.
I am happy most of the time being single, there are just some times that I do feel like I would like to be in a relationship (like for example at weddings and such)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Well. One piece of advice.
At age 23, I would hold off on making those bold proclamations to any man.
Unless you got your doctorate at age 20, have been working as a biomedical engineer for the last three years making six figures, and just put down 20% on a second house in the Hamptons last month...
No, I don't have all that, but I graduated college at age 20, make more than 80K and work as a software engineer. I've been working for the past 3 years and I'm already going to be managing a team of analysts. I personally think I've done well for myself by 23 (and no I didn't use any of my family connections to get there)
Volunteer, train for a marathon, focus on your friends, play a sport, talk to God, learn a new language, - the possibilities are endless!
Just get out of your own head - you are being too self-absorbed.
But I don't sleep with any guy and do one night stands, so if I don't pursue a guy that I might want to marry then I'll probably stay a virgin forever (I don't have to marry the guy to sleep with him, but I do have to be in a very serious relationship with him and know what he is marriage material. Those are my moral beliefs and I'm not budging on them).
I actually have a very busy calendar and don't sit on the couch most days contemplating my single life. I'm on vacation now for a few days before I go travel and so I guess that's given me more time to contemplate.
But I don't sleep with any guy and do one night stands, so if I don't pursue a guy that I might want to marry then I'll probably stay a virgin forever (I don't have to marry the guy to sleep with him, but I do have to be in a very serious relationship with him and know what he is marriage material. Those are my moral beliefs and I'm not budging on them).
I actually have a very busy calendar and don't sit on the couch most days contemplating my single life. I'm on vacation now for a few days before I go travel and so I guess that's given me more time to contemplate.
Here's a tip honey...be the kind of woman a man wants to pursue - don't do the pursuing, you just look desperate and easy. Given your standards and what you say you want, you do not want to come off looking this way.
I have a great career and I'm financially independent (not a gold digger). I'm well educated. My best physical feature is my small waist and I have a pretty face. My best non-physical attribute is that I'm very nice and friendly towards everyone I meet. I don't feel entitled to the 'perfect' guy because I came from money. I feel 'entitled' to the perfect guy for me because I want to be in a happy marriage. Even if I was poor, I would still want the 'perfect' guy for me.
Here's a tip honey...be the kind of woman a man wants to pursue - don't do the pursuing, you just look desperate and easy. Given your standards and what you say you want, you do not want to come off looking this way.
But if I stay at home and never go out with my friends and do stuff, then how do I meet people?
Sometimes I feel like I'll never meet the right guy. My mom says it's because I'm always looking for specific criteria and that I should just let it happen and forget the criteria. I don't think my list is outrageous though:
1)financially secure and educated
2)not uptight (Knows how to have fun and experience new adventures)
3) taller than 5'11 (this is my only physical characteristic on the list)
4)He can hold his own with my affluent snobby family (He doesn't have to come from an affluent family, he should just know how to behave or willing to learn how to socialize at fancy events and family functions...I know I shouldn't care what my family thinks, but I do, my family is so judgmental)
5)Someone I can absolutely be honest with and he with me.
I agree with your mom, also.
If this list is preventing you from finding the "right" guy anyway, then yes, it's useless and you should let it go.
Alot of those things "sound good", but apart from his height, you really won't be able to judge a guy on any of that criteria until you actually give him a chance and get to know him. And @ 23, I wouldn't expect him to fit the bill 100% anyway. Certain qualities/characteristics take time to develop.
You say your family is judgemental, but your mom is clearly telling you it'll be Ok if he's not the perfect ideal man. Most parents just want their kids to be happy.
Where did I say to "stay home and never go out with friends"???
I said the opposite.
I said to FOCUS ON YOUR FRIENDS.
Get out of your own head.
Meet LOTS of people - have fun.
Just don't go chasing men.
When you've managed to become more well-rounded they will come to you
Oh I gottcha. I don't actively chase men, I'm too chicken to do that. Sorry I misworded my statement. When I said pursue men I meant that's what I'd like to be doing and should be doing. But I don't actively pursue them because I'm an insecure chicken. I tried the whole catch their eye and keep eye contact but I can't manage it and always look away when someone looks at me (but in a work setting I'm very good at keeping eye contact...hmm maybe i should think of guys as business partners?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217
I agree with your mom, also.
If this list is preventing you from finding the "right" guy anyway, then yes, it's useless and you should let it go.
Alot of those things "sound good", but apart from his height, you really won't be able to judge a guy on any of that criteria until you actually give him a chance and get to know him. And @ 23, I wouldn't expect him to fit the bill 100% anyway. Certain qualities/characteristics take time to develop.
You say your family is judgemental, but your mom is clearly telling you it'll be Ok if he's not the perfect ideal man. Most parents just want their kids to be happy.
Live & learn, that's what life is for anyway.
What my mom says and what she expects are two totally different things. Sure she says 'Honey as long as he's a good respectful man, I don't care about anything else'. But then when her friend or family member's daughters marry someone superficially different, she doesn't hesitate to judge. One of our friend's recently married a guy just out of college who has a mall kiosk as his job...yup my mom judged.
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