Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was told by my family and my doctor to keep my disease a secret.
How can you tell if a relationship is getting serious? Like what if it takes 6 months to a year to get serious? If I waited to tell the guy after a year, it feels like it may be too long of a time. I want to tell the guy I may be with but I don't want that to be the deciding factor on whether or not he should be with me.
Your doctor telling you to keep it secret sounds odd to me. As evidenced, a doctor should know better than to instruct with to do that. That's quite a burden for anyone when it's something you face everyday.
I can't answer for you when you'll know if you have a serious relationship. I knew because we were exclusive and because of the discussions we were having.
Your doctor telling you to keep it secret sounds odd to me. As evidenced, a doctor should know better than to instruct with to do that. That's quite a burden for anyone when it's something you face everyday.
I can't answer for you when you'll know if you have a serious relationship. I knew because we were exclusive and because of the discussions we were having.
We don't know what disease she has.
Remember back in the old days when HIV sufferers were treated like lepers?
Maybe he has seen honesty backfire on too many of his patients. His concern is the well-being of his patient and if he.she has advised her this way, I'd listen.
I have a younger friend who is 30 almost 31. There isn't a damn thing wrong with him and he has never been on a date and never had a girlfriend. He doesn't let it bother him......If you don't happen to find anyone at the current time whom you would like to go out with, it's best to remain single.
I agree with this- I certainly am not willing to settle just because of my health. I watched both my mother and grandmother do this and to be frank, live absolutely rotten lives. Although I don't know how I'll feel if I'm in my mid to later 30s and still haven't gone on a date
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx
Your doctor telling you to keep it secret sounds odd to me. As evidenced, a doctor should know better than to instruct with to do that. That's quite a burden for anyone when it's something you face everyday. I can't answer for you when you'll know if you have a serious relationship. I knew because we were exclusive and because of the discussions we were having.
I think he said that because I was still fairly young when I found out, hadn't done much research into what it meant to have the disease, and was somewhat worried about insurance finding out at the time. I dunno though, that's my best guess. I just remember feeling like I had been punched in the stomach and held down with my mouth shut so that I couldn't talk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope
Your doctor and others are right...honesty is all very well but your medical history is your own, and no one else is entitled to it...that is, until things become serious..
Would you say that once we're getting to the point of talking about having children or whether or not we want to get married is the right time to disclose the info.? Not too early, yet not too late (although I don't know what I'd do if that was one of the opening questions).
Remember back in the old days when HIV sufferers were treated like lepers?
Maybe he has seen honesty backfire on too many of his patients. His concern is the well-being of his patient and if he.she has advised her this way, I'd listen.
True, but telling her to keep it secret and associating negative things with telling is not keeping her best interest in mind.
How nervous she must be (see this thread) about anyone finding out after that. That's not right.
I agree with this- I certainly am not willing to settle just because of my health. I watched both my mother and grandmother do this and to be frank, live absolutely rotten lives. Although I don't know how I'll feel if I'm in my mid to later 30s and still haven't gone on a date
I think he said that because I was still fairly young when I found out, hadn't done much research into what it meant to have the disease, and was somewhat worried about insurance finding out at the time. I dunno though, that's my best guess. I just remember feeling like I had been punched in the stomach and held down with my mouth shut so that I couldn't talk .
I agree with this- I certainly am not willing to settle just because of my health. I watched both my mother and grandmother do this and to be frank, live absolutely rotten lives. Although I don't know how I'll feel if I'm in my mid to later 30s and still haven't gone on a date
I think he said that because I was still fairly young when I found out, hadn't done much research into what it meant to have the disease, and was somewhat worried about insurance finding out at the time. I dunno though, that's my best guess. I just remember feeling like I had been punched in the stomach and held down with my mouth shut so that I couldn't talk.
Would you say that once we're getting to the point of talking about having children or whether or not we want to get married is the right time to disclose the info.? Not too early, yet not too late (although I don't know what I'd do if that was one of the opening questions).
No honey I woudn't, IMO that is far too late.
Lets assume you meet a guy (and you will if you allow yourself) and you start dating. At some point you will get the feeling that he really, really likes you. It may be 2 dates in, it may be 20...but when you get that feeling, THAT is the right time to tell him.
Trust your gut....and don't go spilling it too soon. The "right one" will understand and love you regardless, and you will know when you meet him.
Everyone else? You're a normal healthy young woman dating and having fun.
Don't listen to those on the high moral ground around here...I swear they are the HUGEST hypocrites...if it was them or their daughter, it would be a WHOLE different story.
Just imagine you are advising your own best friend. You care about her, you don't want her hurt, or to lose a great job, apartment, choice, over something they can't help...you advise her to be very very careful about who she confides in.
At the end of the day, it's YOUR business, your doc's business, and your life partner's business. No one elses.
Don't listen to those on the high moral ground around here...I swear they are the HUGEST hypocrites...if it was them or their daughter, it would be a WHOLE different story.
Just imagine you are advising your own best friend. You care about her, you don't want her hurt, or to lose a great job, apartment, choice, over something they can't help...you advise her to be very very careful about who she confides in.
At the end of the day, it's YOUR business, your doc's business, and your life partner's business. No one elses.
I think you are failing to see that you are advocating a person with an illness to be ashamed of who they are. Instead why not advocate for her to accept and prove that her illness does not define her...and that she is no different?
Maybe she cAn help someone else or they can help her.
I'm not going to argue with you about it because you have very black and white views, but it's something you can think about.
I think you are failing to see that you are advocating a person with an illness to be ashamed of who they are. Instead why not advocate for her to accept and prove that her illness does not define her...and that she is no different?
Maybe she cAn help someone else or they can help her.
I'm not going to argue with you about it because you have very black and white views, but it's something you can think about.
It's also something her doctor and various other professionals need guidance on too then, so I'm in good company.
I think the hardest part of hearing my doctor telling me I shouldn't talk about my health was my family agreeing with him to the point of not wanting to talk about it to this day. Whenever I bring it up, my mom gets defensive (almost like I'm blaming her) and shuts down the convo. right away... not to mention that a whopping 0 of our relatives know about it (not even the ones that have the same disease!).
I'm fine talking about it some extent with my close, close, CLOSE friends. But the idea of talking about it with a potential mate, still scares me.
I'm actually somewhat worried that it may be difficult to find someone within my own age range that a).is willing to look beyond my health, b).wouldn't mind settling down in the next couple years, and c).may be open to adopt or assisted fertility. From the dating horror stories I've heard from friends, it's tough to find a good match.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
