Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Like I care. I'm just telling you that people who get on the Relationship forum and then say, "I am uninterested in relationships. I never want to be in a relationship" are pretty much lying to themselves and to everyone else. Yeah, they might have caught a bad break in their love lives, or they might be spouting some kind of weird bravado to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but they are not entirely truthful. They are deeply interested in relationships, but lack the requisite courage to try again, and then use a bunch of negative baloney to hide that fact. If they were truly not interested in relationships, they'd never visit here at all.
well obviously you do care, you keep posting in here about people saying 'they don't care.'
'why' someone is posting here and the ways in which they are posting, is luckily NOT within your realm of control.
and again with the deciding what everyone else wants and needs. what is it today "the know it all special?" You call it negative baloney, I call it my experiences in life. EVERYONE is allowed to talk about what they've been through not just the 'success stories.' If that's the case, they need to go start a success stories board then.
I never said I wasn't deeply interested in relationships, I said I don't seek them out. It's an interesting topic whether you're single, married, or whatever.... I don't see anyone except the know it alls here deciding that certain people 'lack courage' based on how they themselves would handle things and again and who cares? that's their life not yours. When will people on here learn that you CANNOT 'shame' others into doing things the way you would do them? LOL. It's a common thing on here, in this section anyway of people telling others what they should and shouldn't accept in life and then downgrading them, name calling etc. if they say different. It's B.S.
OP, unless you think this is how you would react to breaking off your own engagement, this shouldn't dissuade you from looking for a relationship. Sure, plenty of other things can, but every relationship is different. The chances of you being in his situation are slim. If anything it's a learning experience for you. You don't have to make the mistakes your roommate did.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,703 posts, read 41,844,575 times
Reputation: 41414
Okay I had a long convo with him and I unhinged some stuff.
For about two years prior, she had gotten violent and verbally abusive with him on a few occasions. He says it was getting to the point where he could no longer control himself in those situations. Also, he says that the girl is not even into the guy she is dating now and is apparently leaving the door open to them getting back together and even has half her stuff in our apt. He knows in his head he should not get back with her with her issues. I suggested that we go talk to my pastor later in the week since he is a guy I trust.
Okay I had a long convo with him and I unhinged some stuff.
For about two years prior, she had gotten violent and verbally abusive with him on a few occasions. He says it was getting to the point where he could no longer control himself in those situations. Also, he says that the girl is not even into the guy she is dating now and is apparently leaving the door open to them getting back together and even has half her stuff in our apt. He knows in his head he should not get back with her with her issues. I suggested that we go talk to my pastor later in the week since he is a guy I trust.
That is about all you can do... be there to support the guy, but he has to do the work himself......
Okay I had a long convo with him and I unhinged some stuff.
For about two years prior, she had gotten violent and verbally abusive with him on a few occasions. He says it was getting to the point where he could no longer control himself in those situations. Also, he says that the girl is not even into the guy she is dating now and is apparently leaving the door open to them getting back together and even has half her stuff in our apt. He knows in his head he should not get back with her with her issues. I suggested that we go talk to my pastor later in the week since he is a guy I trust.
Okay. Let me get this straight.
1. He got engaged to a violent and verbally abusive woman.
2. He broke up with her.
3. Now he's bereft that he's no longer involved with a violent and verbally abusive person because she's using her charms on other men.
Sorry. It doesn't add up. I'd be uncorking champagne bottles and ordering a round for the house if I were this guy. Either your friend is making up details to cover up the real story or he has major, major self-esteem issues.
And another thing. The fundamental ingredient to all happiness is courage. If you don't have it, you can't move forward in life. You are willing to put up with bad behavior from others. You will not act on your desires for someone. You won't ask for the raise, the job, the anything.
Your friend, if he is truly wallowing in this kind of self-pity lacks the character to succeed at anything in life. He needs to man up and get this behind him.
Every species of life has its aberrations, so it is always possible you don't have the makeup of your fellow humans I suppose.
Or, you could have just been so damaged/wounded in your childhood that you have convinced yourself love is not safe or for you (which would be sad).
But in general, like I already said, humans are born with an innate need to be loved.
The vast majority of people who make claims not to need it actually want it desperately but won't allow themselves to admit it.
Again, sad
Try telling someone who has declared themselves abnormal that you agree with them. "Yep, you're abnormal." Holy cow, you'd think it would be an insult for someone else to acknowledge what they've already acknowledged about themselves. I guess abnormal people are the only ones who are allowed to say it, and the rest of us just have to refer to them as "special" or "different."
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,703 posts, read 41,844,575 times
Reputation: 41414
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Okay. Let me get this straight.
1. He got engaged to a violent and verbally abusive woman.
2. He broke up with her.
3. Now he's bereft that he's no longer involved with a violent and verbally abusive person.
Sorry. It doesn't add up. I'd be uncorking champagne bottles and ordering a round for the house. Either your friend is making up details to cover up the real story or he has major, major self-esteem issues.
And another thing. The fundamental ingredient to all happiness is courage. If you don't have it, you can't move forward in life. You are willing to put up with bad behavior from others. You will not act on your desires for someone. You won't ask for the raise, the job, the anything.
Your friend, if he is truly wallowing in this kind of self-pity lacks the character to succeed at anything in life. He needs to man up and get this behind him.
Sorry if he actually has feelings and a heart that you obviously don't have. He knew his girl and was best friends with her for near half his life. He had great memories with her. You dont get over that at a snap of a finger. I guess since I miss my late father who had substance abuse issues and got into shouting matches with me and my mom, I'm a wimp too?
Another thing, I have courage. I just left the security of having my mother within an hour of me in KY to take a good job in VA. I went to a new job in KY two days after my father was laid to rest and I was still grieving. I'm not a wimp like you think I am.
Sorry if he actually has feelings and a heart that you obviously don't have. He knew his girl and was best friends with her for near half his life. He had great memories with her. You dont get over that at a snap of a finger. I guess since I miss my late father who had substance abuse issues and got into shouting matches with me and my mom, I'm a wimp too?
Another thing, I have courage. I just left the security of having my mother within an hour of me in KY to take a good job in VA. I went to a new job in KY two days after my father was laid to rest and I was still grieving. I'm not a wimp like you think I am.
Nobody is calling you a wimp. And he did not say you have no courage.
He said people need to have courage to get what they want out of life - that courage is the fundamental ingredient to all true happiness. AND HE IS RIGHT.
You could really learn so much from cpg - try to focus on that
Sorry if he actually has feelings and a heart that you obviously don't have. He knew his girl and was best friends with her for near half his life. He had great memories with her. You dont get over that at a snap of a finger. I guess since I miss my late father who had substance abuse issues and got into shouting matches with me and my mom, I'm a wimp too?
Another thing, I have courage. I just left the security of having my mother within an hour of me in KY to take a good job in VA. I went to a new job in KY two days after my father was laid to rest and I was still grieving. I'm not a wimp like you think I am.
If you can do all of that, you can probably handle a relationship. Don't live someone else's life. Live yours. Your independence already means you have a lot going for you. You'll probably be beating them back with a stick soon. Take a chance!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,703 posts, read 41,844,575 times
Reputation: 41414
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Nobody is calling you a wimp. And he did not say you have no courage.
He said people need to have courage to get what they want out of life - that courage is the fundamental ingredient to all true happiness. AND HE IS RIGHT.
You could really learn so much from cpg - try to focus on that
If he didn't insist on taking shots at me; implied or direct, maybe I'd listen to him. But forget it, I won't advice from people who can't repect me and I can't respect.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
