Why would you not want to marry and have kids? (wife, marriage)

[Philosophizer]

If you found the person you couldn't imagine going through life without? Just seems so foreign to me. Is it because some haven't felt that way about anyone they ever dated before? Is it a trust issue? Mommy and daddy issues? If you can see everything the world has to offer in your SO, don't you owe it to the world to bring an awesome kid into it?

[BoomBoxing]

Different strokes for different folks? Not everyone has to want the same things out of life and I don't see the point in trying to ascertain that one must have some sort of "issue" if they want something different.

[findly185]

Originally Posted by Philosophizer

If you can everything the world has to offer in your SO, don't you owe it to the world to bring an awesome kid into it?

No. I know in my heart I am just not made to be a wife/mommy. I've always known this. I know its better I recognize it then accidentally bring a kid into this world and not be totally in love with it or the situation. I dont "owe" anyone anything.

You dont see people asking those with kids "why did you decide to have kids?!", so I dont get while people are so curious and feel it is okay to ask me why I choose not to.

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by findly185

No. I know in my heart I am just not made to be a mommy. I've always known this. I know its better I recognize it then accidentally bring a kid into this world and not be totally in love with it or the situation. I dont "owe" anyone anything.

Agreed.

I have never wanted kids, and now that I'm married I still don't feel the need to procreate. Having children is not the only reason to get married. I found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Kids didn't even enter into the equation.

I have no patience - at all. Babysitting stresses me out, I can't do it 24/7/365. . And WHY do parents always ask people without kids to babysit? That's like asking for financial advice from someone who declared bankruptcy.

Anyway, I did have a bad childhood, which I'm sure had a lot to do with it.

And, I just plain don't WANT to be a mother. That reason alone is valid.

OP,

I don't owe anything to this world but to become a productive member of society. Having an unwanted child doesn't fit the bill.

[Urban Sasquatch]

I've seen threads like this pop up over the years. I've seen family reunions and holidays skip down this conversational spiral, watched parents and aunts and uncles, etc, etc, etc, as they've spoken to those who don't want to have kids.



For my part I always knew, even when I was a fairly young kid, that I wanted a family and children someday. There is that in me which is a nurturer and I'm fortunate that I recall very well what it was like being a child. This helps temper me when my own son misbehaves or pulls some shenanigan.


But there are people who don't want to have kids and I've heard various reasons across the years.

Some simply do not want children. They have no particular reason for it other than that they don't want them, do not wish to be bothered by them and they enjoy their lifestyle as it is.

I've often heard the old chestnut I don't want to bring children into a world where [insert bad thing here]. Sometimes people really feel this way and sometimes they haven't thought it through; and sometimes this is just something to say in order to justify their stance on the matter -- and I can understand that, despite that they have NO need to justify or defend with me. Knee-jerk reactions are easy to come by.

Some look at their parents, at their extended family -- and decide they do not wish to continue something bad. In the argument of Nature versus Nurture it's undeniable that Nurture plays a huge role; and just as undeniable that Nature is nigh inescapable.


For my part I leave folks nearly 100 percent alone on that count. I've mentioned kids to people whom I believed would make good parents before, but once they so much as HINT otherwise, I back off and leave 'em alone.

[bicoastal10]

Reason why someone wouldn't want to marry and have kids:

1. Kids cost money and lots of it. I think it cost something like $250k to raise a kid up until 18, and if you foot the bill for college, you can tack on another $100-200k depending on where they attend. For some people, that just seems like a huge waste of money.

2. Some people like variety and don't wish to be with the same person for decades.

3. Some people just don't feel like having to worry about taking care of a family. Not only does taking care of a family cost money, but it's also very time consuming.

4. Marriage and kids limits one's flexibility, socially and financially.

5. Some people rather not risk getting divorced and losing whatever assets they currently have. Divorce can easily ruin a person financially.

[bicoastal10]

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

Agreed.

I have never wanted kids, and now that I'm married I still don't feel the need to procreate. Having children is not the only reason to get married. I found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Kids didn't even enter into the equation.

If you don't plan on having kids, why'd you get married? To get a tax break or something?

[stick2dascript]

I'd marry if u was in my mid 20s but I'm 37 with no kids, I wouldn't marry a woman that had kids and at my age relationships is more business oriented than anything else so being single, getting laid once in awhile and focusing on income is better suited for me. In my position alot of women with children go after me because they feel I'm insecure amd ill do whatever they say.

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by bicoastal10

If you don't plan on having kids, why'd you get married? To get a tax break or something?

I will not diginify this with a response.

[Philosophizer]

If you are worried about the financial and social burdens of having a kid, you aren't fit to be a parent.