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Money doesn't fix or guarantee anything. My parents were upper middle class but I had a very rough childhood. A lot of the wealthy families I grew up with had some HORROR stories behind the gated communities we lived in.
The more responsible thing to do, honestly, is NOT to work while you're in school, and to take extra classes and graduate early instead. Shaving a year off of school saves you $30k, and then you can start making more than minimum wage to pay back the costs more quickly.
This, and going to community college for two years prior to attending a 4 year school will significantly reduce college costs. I wish I mapped out my college years a little better; I could have been done soon much sooner, and/or even worked on a second degree.
The "college experience" is just an expensive overnight camp for young adults.
Money doesn't fix or guarantee anything. My parents were upper middle class but I had a very rough childhood. A lot of the wealthy families I grew up with had some HORROR stories behind the gated communities we lived in.
Which is why I suggested mommy/daddy issues as a possible reason some were so against having kids of their own
This, and going to community college for two years prior to attending a 4 year school will significantly reduce college costs. I wish I mapped out my college years a little better; I could have been done soon much sooner, and/or even worked on a second degree.
The "college experience" is just an expensive overnight camp for young adults.
Which is why I suggested mommy/daddy issues as a possible reason some were so against having kids of their own
I dont want kids because I dont (and will never) have time for them (in grad school and working full time). I dont think it would be fair to bring a child into a situation where I was not equipped to devote time to them.
I had lots of friends who worked their way through college (most with some parental assistance too). But when tuition is $30k/year and you make at most $10/hour, you can't even begin to make a dent towards the costs. They all graduated over $50k in debt (one over $100k in debt), and this is from a state school.
The more responsible thing to do, honestly, is NOT to work while you're in school, and to take extra classes and graduate early instead. Shaving a year off of school saves you $30k, and then you can start making more than minimum wage to pay back the costs more quickly.
Regardless...if I ever have a child, their college will be paid for to the best of my ability. If they work hard enough to get into a good school, I don't want finances to be the reason they turn it down. (I'm biased, as I got into ivy league schools but could not afford the $200k price tag, so I went to a state school instead. I don't want my child to make that choice).
I have to wonder where some went to school, because my tuition wasn't $30k, and not all state schools are $30k. I'm not saying parents can't want to help, but I don't think we should act as if parents that don't aren't better parents. These kids are learning to be adults. They should learn to work toward what they want, even if it means going to community college or a local state school, etc. to offset costs. Part of parenting is letting them figure things out instead of expecting mom or dad to hold their hand all the time.
Not really seeing what being married or having a child has to do with loving someone and being committed to them ?
I fell in love with my now Husband almost 24 years ago and we started to live together almost immediately. We knew we were both in for the long run and in a proper mature relationship from the word go pretty much. We have been through some really tough things like me being seriously ill and have never changed our course. We got married only 2 and a half years go. I was never bothered about being married and still not convinced about that piece of paper. Apart from legal rights it has added nothing to us as a couple IMO. We loved each other deeply before and love each other deeply now.
As for having a child neither of us has ever wanted any. We have no parental feelings and find children to be bothersome, dull, boring, noisy, smelly aggravating little creatures on the whole. Why the hell is this construed to be a reflection that somehow we do not love each other deeply enough ? I don't want kids, he does not either. Why bring into the world an unwanted new life simply to try and make other people feel better and convince them that we are genuinely committed to each other.
As far as I am concerned I especially do not want kids BECAUSE I love Hubby so much. I certainly have no desire to share him with anyone, I love our life as it is, footloose and fancy free. We can be spontaneous and travel as we like and are not tied down . Having a child in our lives would make our lives more boring, more routine and more restricted. It would close our horizons and lessen what we have. It would be positively destructive.
I am all for people who adore children to have them but please do not saddle everyone with this desire and expectation that loving people necessarily want to breed. Neither of us do. We discussed this very openly when we got together and made sure we were both of one mind on such a crucial issue. And have never, ever regretted it.
What I see around me is couples whose lives seem to drift into parenthood and when at least one person seem resentful and miserable.
A young couple of young friends of ours has just had a Baby. She always wanted one, he never did. He gave her a Baby as a "present" so to speak and now he seems listless, severely depressed and bored out of his brains. She is happy as a lamb having gotten her way but his life is pretty much over as far as he is concerned. I was so sad and depressed to see that having a child could be such a divisive thing in a couple.
He has not bonded with the Baby in the slightest, barely interacts with Him and his gift to his wife ( whom he adores) is turning into a poisoned apple. I just pray he will eventually come to love and cherish his Baby but I am really not convinced because he was never truly on board from the word go. He still does not want this Baby he has now helped to create. And him and his wife do love each other deeply and they are both lovely, sweet and generous people . She can't even see the problem because she got what she always wanted and is being blind to his wishes and his lack of interest. And who pays the most ? The Baby.
A child should be wanted and desired 100% by both parties and love has nothing to do with wanting a child or not wanting one. Each individual is different and views parenthood in a different way.
Personally having a child is about one of the worst thing I can ever imagine happening to me. I actually have nightmares about finding out I am pregnant and about to give birth. I wake up in cold sweats feeling sick and and nauseous.
And every time we visit anyone with a child I breathe the hugest sighs of relief that contraception has never failed. I think I would hate it even more than him...
Vainity may be another issue for women, which is quite understandable. As a guy' I'm never going to be able to relate to what a pregnancy can do to the female figure. But as I said earlier, if that is such a major concern, you probably shouldn't have kids.
It really does seem genuinely strange to me. Not feeling the need to procreate if you found the right person. It's cool if you don't and as this thread demonstrates, there are plenty that feel the same. Have a fun child free life!
Last edited by Philosophizer; 07-23-2012 at 09:15 AM..
That's poor parenting then. It has nothing to do with who footed the bill and everything to do with how you raise the child. If the kid is getting greedy and demanding, stop paying for it.
My parents paid for plenty, and I still worked my butt off, graduated top of my class in high school, with 2 majors with honors in 2.5 years from college, and got a job offer at one of the most lucrative IT consulting firms available. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I hadn't had financial assistance from my parents in college, or had music lessons in high school.
I think that is great, and perhaps you're that responsible and your parents could trust you.However, many kids I know had an incentive if their parents helped, or paid for some, to give them a sense of responsibility toward the expense. Other kids without incentives treated college like a party and were kicked out, so their parents who paid for them stopped. Still, there's no one rule for everyone and not having (any/as much) parental support doesn't always have to stop people from making it. If a kid grows up working class with fewer means, the won't expect as much from their parents and will find ways to do things him/herself.
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