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I guess I'm mostly talking about your parents' marriage, or the marriage of those who raised you.
Reading another thread got me wondering, how many of you grew up in happy families and how many did not. Also, if you were fortunate, have you been able to find the same happiness that your parents had, able to duplicate that bliss in your own relationships? If you grew up in a bad family situation has that plagued you in your relationships?
We are effected, regardless. I think good/bad fortune can also play a part.
I was fortunate to grow up in a happy home. My parents are STILL married after more than many on here have been alive. That taught my sister and I what is needed to have a successful and happy long term marriage. The trouble is, many aren't on the same page as I am!
My parents had a wonderful marriage until my father passed away. They were married for a little over 31 years. They taught me that you can fight and bicker and it's okay. They also taught me that laughter and playing around are a must! I still remember when my dad chased my mom, my boyfriend, and me around the house with a new watergun he had bought! We had a blast! They always had a happy marriage but my mom told me that she hadn't realized just how much she loved him until he got sick. After he got sick - they started holding hands more often and became more affectionate with each other.
I've always had pretty good relationships as well. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and we couldn't be happier. We laugh so much together - nobody makes me as happy as he does. And we fight some, too - but we always come to a better understanding of each other than we had before.
My hubby's parents have been married for a little over 40 years - and they are still very affectionate with each other. They are a little more old fashioned than my parents were and than my hubby and I are - but their marriage works perfectly for them
All this being said - my father's parents had a horrible marriage and divorced when he was 12. My mother's father passed away 2 months before she was born. So my parents found the way to a long, successful and happy marriage with out having parents who had the same.
Just curious Big John, if your sister is happily married..
And if you could elaborate on what you learned from your parents' marriage..
BY THE WAY... Anybody know how to edit a thread title?
She is happily married to the SAME ONE man she 1st married. She is also a ONE TIME gal! Well for starters, cheating is never even considered. I never felt that way from either mom or dad since I can remember. They never had "friends" to get each other into trouble. Sure they shared the same friends as a couple but my mom never went out drinking with "the girls" or anything like that. My dad never did either. They went as a couple as they should. My mom's friends that were married to my dad's friends all felt the same way so no worries there. They also have always shared tasks in a 50/50 fashion. That always seemed to work. I'll mow the lawn if you cook kind of thing. My sister and BIL are the same way. It works! They both put my sister and I as well as my sister's kids high on the list of priorities. Like REAL priorities! Many like to preach it but DON'T actually do it! I really love my kids..... I'll leave you with the babysitter at least 5 times a week in the evening! You know what I mean? I'll add more. I have to get a snack that I'm making MYSELF!
My parents had a wonderful marriage until my father passed away. They were married for a little over 31 years. They taught me that you can fight and bicker and it's okay. They also taught me that laughter and playing around are a must! I still remember when my dad chased my mom, my boyfriend, and me around the house with a new watergun he had bought! We had a blast! They always had a happy marriage but my mom told me that she hadn't realized just how much she loved him until he got sick. After he got sick - they started holding hands more often and became more affectionate with each other.
I've always had pretty good relationships as well. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and we couldn't be happier. We laugh so much together - nobody makes me as happy as he does. And we fight some, too - but we always come to a better understanding of each other than we had before.
My hubby's parents have been married for a little over 40 years - and they are still very affectionate with each other. They are a little more old fashioned than my parents were and than my hubby and I are - but their marriage works perfectly for them
All this being said - my father's parents had a horrible marriage and divorced when he was 12. My mother's father passed away 2 months before she was born. So my parents found the way to a long, successful and happy marriage with out having parents who had the same.
Moved by this.. Sorry about your dad. Interesting that neither he nor your mom had such a great family life growing up but managed to make a happy home. Do you think that they saved each other in that way? I had a grandfather whose mother disappeared when he was just a toddler. He grew up pretty rough, with a pretty hateful father, but the marriage he had with my grandmother is to this day the best I've ever seen..
I had an interesting childhood. My parents were never married and my "father" ditched us. My mother bounced between so many men but my mother kept us happy and we got to see so many things. Not having a father didn't really bother me but my mothers marriage to her current husband effected me tremendously. He was an verbally and physically abusive guy to me, my sister and of course my mother. He always demoralized me and I became very depressed and thanks to him, my social life as a teenager was totally void almost.
I had to fight to have a social life because I wasn't "granted" or "worthy" having being out according to him, and BELIEVE me I was more than a good kid to my mother and to him, which I regret badly. Unfortunately he made my life a living hell and it was hard getting girls but once I started becoming more independent, I matured and left all that negativity behind. I didn't want him defeating me.
I have become more mature and my relationship with women have become better and I don't plague them with all the drama that I used to have like when I was a teenager. ahaha.
She is happily married to the SAME ONE man she 1st married. She is also a ONE TIME gal! Well for starters, cheating is never even considered. I never felt that way from either mom or dad since I can remember. They never had "friends" to get each other into trouble. Sure they shared the same friends as a couple but my mom never went out drinking with "the girls" or anything like that. My dad never did either. They went as a couple as they should. My mom's friends that were married to my dad's friends all felt the same way so no worries there. They also have always shared tasks in a 50/50 fashion. That always seemed to work. I'll mow the lawn if you cook kind of thing. My sister and BIL are the same way. It works! They both put my sister and I as well as my sister's kids high on the list of priorities. Like REAL priorities! Many like to preach it but DON'T actually do it! I really love my kids..... I'll leave you with the babysitter at least 5 times a week in the evening! You know what I mean? I'll add more. I have to get a snack that I'm making MYSELF!
Great post, John. Thanks, and congratulations on having a good example. I wonder if there is more pressure, self inflicted, on those that grew up this way. Maybe your parents made it look easy. Maybe they were lucky where you haven't been so lucky in that way. I do think luck is a part of it..
I dig the priorities thing. So often you have to make a choice between the well being of your kids and what you would rather have/do. I think good parents more often than not choose their kids. Hope you find someone who'll appreciate you. You seem like a good guy..
Moved by this.. Sorry about your dad. Interesting that neither he nor your mom had such a great family life growing up but managed to make a happy home. Do you think that they saved each other in that way? I had a grandfather whose mother disappeared when he was just a toddler. He grew up pretty rough, with a pretty hateful father, but the marriage he had with my grandmother is to this day the best I've ever seen..
I think my mom saved my dad more than my dad saved my mom. My mom's family was very close - and they remain so to this day. She was born in the Japanese relocation camps and was the youngest of 5 siblings. They were very, very poor growing up - but despite the poverty and not having a father - all 5 children went on to get graduate degrees and to stay a tight knit family.
I think my father was incredibly grateful that he found my mom. My grandfather threatened to disown him if he married her - and he told him to go ahead and do that! My grandfather eventually came around. My mother and I were of the utmost importance to my father. I miss him terribly but it's easier to let someone go when you have no regrets - when you tell them that you love them every day. I don't think my mother will every remarry - not that she's wallowing in misery or anything. She still missed my father but she is very independent and still has a very full life with family and friends. I just think she's happy with what she had and is satisfied with the love she found with my father.
I guess I'm mostly talking about your parents' marriage, or the marriage of those who raised you.
Reading another thread got me wondering, how many of you grew up in happy families and how many did not. Also, if you were fortunate, have you been able to find the same happiness that your parents had, able to duplicate that bliss in your own relationships? If you grew up in a bad family situation has that plagued you in your relationships?
We are effected, regardless. I think good/bad fortune can also play a part.
My dad was a real SOB my whole life. It taught me infinite patience. I have a challenging husband and that patience has paid off a thousand fold. It's the only good thing I can say about my dad.
20yrsinBranson
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That taught my sister and I what is needed to have a successful and happy long term marriage. The trouble is, many aren't on the same page as I am!
Well for starters, cheating is never even considered. I never felt that way from either mom or dad since I can remember. They never had "friends"
to get each other into trouble. Sure they shared the same friends as a couple but my mom never went out drinking with "the girls" or anything like that. My dad never did either. They went as a couple as they should. My mom's friends that were married to my dad's friends all felt the same way so no worries there. They also have always shared tasks in a 50/50 fashion. That always seemed to work. I'll mow the lawn if you cook kind of thing.
They both put my sister and I as well as my sister's kids high on the list of priorities. Like REAL priorities!
I really love my kids..... I'll leave you with the babysitter at least 5 times a week in the evening!
