tats
me: 25 years old virgin female not waiting till marriage but until i find myself a healthy loving mutually fulfilling relationship with a great thoughtful guy. working as a part time intern. muslim background but lived in the u.s for 10 years now.
him. 23 year old grad student also working as an intern at the same company. southern white preppy background with no previous history of dating someone "brown".
background: so i met this guy through a mutual friend about a month and a half ago at an after work happy hour. i was in a relationship at the time and didn't think much of it when he casually said that i was "a lovely pakistani girl" and asked me for my number so he could ask me to hang out with him and our other friends. we did have a good conversation and i recall finding myself intrigued that even though he was a rich sheltered white preppy kid, he was passionate about the middle east and spoke farsi and arabic. i love intellectually curious people and certainly thought he was the kind of person i'd like to keep in my friendship circle.
two weeks later i was still reeling from my bf breaking up with me and met up with my friends for a farewell happy hour for an intern who was leaving for a new job. he was there and arrives late and finds a seat next to me. we got to talking and in our drunken-ness flirt mildly back and forth. after a couple hours later everyone else leaves except for our mutual friend and his girlfriend and the boy and i. we decided to take the party to his apartment. once there he serves us wine and puts on amazing music and we sit back and hang out. sometime during the night he starts telling me how beautiful he thinks i am. i don't think much of it seeing as how he was **** drunk, and just laugh it off. he keeps telling me how gorgeous and beautiful i am. and just came on so strong. i was flattered and was very attracted to him as well but didn't indulge him too much. around midnight i tried i realized it was too late to metro home and he asks us to crash at his place. he gets me a pair of his pjs to change into seeing as how my work clothes were very uncomfy. i slip into his pjs and crawl onto his bed with a headache and wanting to sleep. sometime during the evening i find him curled up next to me and he starts kissing my neck...it feels great but i recall that he has a long distance gf. and pull back and tell him to stop. he says that he isn't into his gf and she makes him so miserable. i say he should break up with him then. he says he wants to but he is so scared to hurt her and how it sucks breaking up with her. he tries to kiss me and i push him away. he says im beautiful and i say if he thinks so he should break up with his gf wine me and dine me and then he would even have a chance to kiss me. he stares at me and goes "you're a good one aren't you?"
i turn around and fall asleep. in the morning the rest of us sneak out leaving him alone since he was deep asleep. the week that follows i recall being charmed and thinking he was sexy and wishing he was single. mid week our mutual friend IMs me to tell me that the boy broke up with his gf. i was horrified but he said it had nothing to do with me and was a long time coming. meeting me made him realize there were other women out there. a couple days later i get a text from the boy asking me if id be free to meet him for dinner/drinks after work. i figure...whats the harm?
we meet for drinks/food. he is SO nervous. it is pretty evident he hasnt officially been on a "date" for a very long time. we have a pretty fun time and he regales me with stories about his crazy stunts from college. i find his boyish sense of mischief endearing and his intelligence mesmerizing.
needless to say we continue hanging out and after work. either getting drinks and/or dinner and then coming to his place to make out and cuddle. for fourth of july he hosts a party and invites me and says i should get to know his sister.i was nervous since it is WAAYYYY tooo soon for an official family meet but then was surprised how casual it was.
a couple days later. he got sick and i cancelled our plans to watch star wars and insisted i drop off some soup. when i got to his apartment he was a bit aloof and more distant than usual.i was a bit put off but didn't want to jump to any conclusions. the day after he texts me saying it was very sweet of me to bring by soup. the following monday i texted him asking if he was free to hang out for a while that evening. he said he has some food at home and will be cooking. i go over and he prepares this lovely plate of bbq chicken with wine and hors d'oeuvres and cookies for dessert. it was pretty unexpected and i made sure to thank him for going all out. i slept over that night and in the morning he asked me to help him pick out his suit for work. after he insisted i stay as long as i like and shouldn't rush out with him. i browsed job boards on his laptop and munched on a pop tart before leaving two hours later. he texted me later that evening thanking me for the "sweet" thank you note i left on his table.
the week before he had asked if i wanted to go to the portrait gallery this weds after work. so come tuesday evening i text him to tell him that the gallery will be closed by the time we get around.he says he is on the phone and that it's "lame" that its closed. no mention of changing plans or canceling them.
weds evening i email him at work about if he still wants to hang out and do something else. he says he has had a bad day and was planning to just go home but i was welcome to join him. i get a bit irked at him canceling plans without having consulted/told me and say its okay and that we can reschedule. i do feel embarrassed and hurt for having been blown off so thoughtlessly.if i hadnt emailed him to inquire...would he have just left for home without letting me know plans were cancelled? i run into him in the lobby after and actually tell him that it wasnt cool that he blew me off last minute. he seemed aloof "oh? you want to go to the gallery? lets go to the gallery!" i was like..."weren't you listening? the gallery is closed" and then i just say "forget it. you're fine. its okay" and say good bye and leave.
i expect an apology text/call that evening seeing as how i was upset. but i dont get any. he doesnt contact me on friday either. when i ask him to get coffee at work he comes with but is pretty distant and aloof and makes no mention of future plans or apologizes for weds.
sat afternoon i call him to ask whats up but he doesnt respond. i then call sunday but get no response either. i text him saying " hi havent heard from you lately so just wanted to ask if you were okay". he says "sorry couldnt answer. having lunch with my folks. im ok how're you?" i text "oh thats good to know. im great." he texts back "good"
monday morning we run into each other at the printer. he makes a comment about my hair and then i ask if he is mad at me since i havent heard from him. he says "no. why would i be mad at you? we're good" and then says he has to go to the bathroom and says "See you around the office" without making any indication of hanging out.
at this point i stop contacting him and realize he isnt going to text or call or come by my desk to initiate a date. its been three weeks now since the initial cancellation of plans on weds and im not sure if i should pop by his desk to ask to meet up and ask him what happened.
what did i do wrong? did he lose interest or does he think i lost interest or am mad at him for being too tired to hang out? im so confused and any insight would be so helpful
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