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No offense, but I can do whatever I want, so you don't have the power to prevent me from giving up on myself if I choose to do so.
And on my therapist, I guess I was kind of venting. My visit with him today reassured me that he is helping me. He's a therapist who doesn't tell me what to do, and that is key. I am very hostile to attempts to tell me what to do. When someone tells me what to do, I'm very tempted to not do it just to show them I'm the one in control of my own life, not somebody else running my life.
The reason given that I should stick with this therapist according to him is
1) My being here is one of my only contacts in the world, so it is one of my only sources for feedback which I have the ability to listen to and decide if I like it.
2) Maybe when I choose I'll get something out of what he's said.
Could be manipulation and sweet talk, but I'm not sure about that. It makes sense.
And if this were a therapist who were there telling me what to do and giving me assignments and stuff, I'd probably get mad and quit, and definitely not do any of the stuff he/she tells me to do.
So he's kind of a good fit, if I ever choose to start listening.
Ok so you come on here wanting advice then systematically criticise every single word of it.
You may well be one of those people who are only really happy when they're miserable.
No wonder you can't find a girlfriend. You can't get your face out of the mirror at the pity party long enough.
Successful relationships require giving. You just want to sit back and receive.
Until you actually have something tangible to offer a partner, you will continue to wallow in your own lard of misery and self pity. Don't kid yourself. You enjoy it. You don't have the mental or emotional maturity to give emotionally to ANYONE except yourself.
He's trapped by his social anxiety, but he's at least motivated enough to look for a good therapist. Finding a good one would be a big step. Potentially life-changing, over time. Good luck, OP.
That's one way of looking at it, being trapped by social anxiety. But only one way of looking at it. The way chielgirl looked at it is another valid way of looking at it, that I enjoy being miserable and complaining.
My therapist says there's always more than one way to look at something.
You are not being rejected by anyone.... by anyone but yourself that is........... I know exactly what you are going through. Rather than face the cold hard slap of rejection, it's much easier to just assume you will be rejected and never take the chance to begin with.
You're right. Being rejected hurts. Being criticized hurts. Being disliked hurts. It's better to be ignored. But then, being ignored hurts too. A catch 22. To stop being ignored, you have to risk being rejected, criticized, and disliked.
ask your therapist to prescribe you something for your anxiety issues, there are non addicitve medications out there that are fairly mild and can help you. Figure out wth it is you want.
Dav, it's just an internet forum. None of us can make you do anything. Just putting out info and making some potentially helpful suggestions. Good that you discussed with your therapist. If what he says makes sense to you, well, you're the judge, it's your dime. Thanks for the update. I hope it works out for you in the end. Best wishes.
How many appointments did this "twice" entail? Please don't say two.
Therapists don't work like that, their job is to help you figure out WHY you are so shy dealing with people.
They didn't come out and tell you but they did empathize with your problem, they probably have many patients with the same issue, social anxiety is one of the more common mental problems.
Sometimes medication is necessary.
If one therapist doesn't seem to work try another, they have different methods.
Many appointments each time. I think my current therapist is better, because the first one tried to get me to change big things in my life, and I refused, so we got nowhere and I quit. The current one just makes suggestions, primarily about little things, and I guess I've taken a few of his suggestions. He makes sense, it's just my various delusions and myths are strong and so it feels better to reject common sense and stick with my own ways of thinking about things.
ask your therapist to prescribe you something for your anxiety issues, there are non addicitve medications out there that are fairly mild and can help you. Figure out wth it is you want.
Good point. This is what I don't get. Some of the issue could be successfully addressed with a med. Is the therapist qualified to dispense prescrips, or could he give a referral to a doc, or something?
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Kind of sad, but funny.
