Deal breaker - weight (wife, boyfriend, how to, married)
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Weeeelll, it is not exactly the weight - it is just the CHIN.
I need some advice. Hopefully without haters that call me superficial. Because I am not.
I am married since about 10 years, we have our struggles, but pull through.
I work out, jog, try to eat healthy, try to stay in shape and I can proudly say I don't look much different as 10 years ago.
My husband doesn't give a crap about how he looks.
I love him. I can deal with all his bad habits and everything. But the chin is the dealbreaker.
I don't care about his big belly. Or his flat butt. Or his moobs. Doesn't make me love him less or desire him less. But i see his face every day and have to stop myself from staring on that flap that doesn't belong there. I want to pop a needle in the chin and deflate it.
But due to his chips/coke/whatever else he eats, his chin is growing rapidly. His once so handsome face is disappearing because it is all chin. The whole head/neck area is growing together and it is looking like a big thumb.
He likes to make fun about fat people and chinless people and I have to hold myself back to not mention that he is just like them. He snores so loud since 4 years that he sleeps on the opposite side of our house.
I don't like looking at him from the side because it just doesn't look nice anymore. He won't stop eating nasty, greasy food. Ever. Even if he would change, it is too late. The chin/thumb look is permanent. No return.
The only way he could get rid of it would be some laser treatment or chin lipo or whatever is out there.
I am not attracted to him anymore and don't know how to tell him to get rid of the double chin. Any real advice that is nicely said in a friendly way?
I am sorry for your situation and hope you can find a way to work with him on it.
Has he expressed any interest to you in losing weight? Being dissatisfied with weight? Etc? It sounds like, aside from appearance, he is probably overweight to the point of being extremely unhealthy. That puts him at risk for all kinds of nastiness. Heart disease, diabetes, joint and back problems, etc.
I am not sure the best way to approach this, but if I was you my first concern would be for his long term health! I would hope he would share the same concern.
Have you every tried encouraging him to do some activity with you? Doesn't sound like he could keep up with you at the moment, but maybe take a walk around the neighborhood together every evening with him. Get him moving. If you do the grocery shopping, try cutting back on some of the worse things.
My wife has been active in losing weight. (She has been disatisfied with her weight). She initially struggled with starting or sticking to it and asked for my support. So I cut back some of my workouts, so we could work out together. Walks, hikes, etc. She found a diet plan and I have been following it basically with her (we eat the same food when we eat meals together). Since I am athletic (4 mile runs daily) I have to supplement it with more carbs, but it has helped her stick to things alot. Might be some things you can consider if he is willing to try.
Be gentle about it, but bring it up. Tell him your concerned, that he is obviously unhealthily overweight. try not to enable the bad eating habits. Work with him.
Best of luck! I dunno, maybe speaking to a third party (doctor or someone) would help him too.
Regardless, I know he will have to be self motivated for a diet or exercise plan to work. I am sure he sees himself in the mirror, and cannot feel great about what is looking back at him.
my boyfriend has also been gaining weight and i noticed the chin thing the other day. i took a picture of it and sent it to him lol (this was after we'd "talked" about it). have you talked about it to him at all? men aren't quite as sensitive about weight issues as women so it may be possible to bring it up without causing serious relationship issues. my bf claims he's going to work on it but i seriously doubt it and we have other issues so im going to have to call it quits soon. but anyway
I feel for you and I don't think you're shallow. I really don't think it's fair to the person you married if you totally let yourself go and gain weight.
Do you do the grocery shopping? If so, I would just stop buying that crap or cooking unhealthy food. I think you're well within your rights to say something to him about this, but be gentle. He surely knows he's gained weight, but it can still be hurtful to hear. Approach it from the health angle and not that you aren't attracted to him anymore.
Sweetie, he's not just packing on pounds, he's well in the obesity range, it sounds like. Look, I love food. It's been a huge problem in my life, and struggle with my weight. I currently have about 30 more pounds to lose. Even though the men I've been with have enjoyed the extra pounds quite a bit (I carry it well, in the form of fairly firm curves), my mother has diabetes (recently diagnosed) and is much more svelte than I am. So I try to watch what I eat. I've taken up running (slowly, very slowly) and going to the gym. I want to enjoy a high quality of life, and I know that's going to take work. If a partner had said to me when I packed on the original 45 pounds I'm working on losing now that he would appreciate me taking a little bit better care of myself, it would have been a huge wakeup call.
Your husband has had this change happen since your marriage. And it doesn't sound like he's just become plump in that jolly way (which is kind of cute on some guys). That's disrespectful to you - he can't possibly think he's helping the relationship by letting himself go to that degree. (And yes, I'd say this if it was a man or a woman - the story changes though when two people mutually let themselves go.) Tell him you're concerned and your sexual desire is disappearing. More importantly, he's threatening his health right now - that just needs to be addressed. Ask him if he's willing to work on the issue and how you can help. His response will determine your next actions.
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