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I would quickly dispose of anyone who tried to impose ground rules on me as a condition for a relationship. It creates an atmosphere of inequality. A relationship isn't boot camp.
Yep.
"Laying down ground rules"??
H*ll yes, it's a red flag. Run.
And don't accidentally have sex with him before you run.
Having female friends and not wanting jealousy over it is not a red flag to me, the "rule" where you're not allowed to question him is. What does he mean by that? If you are out and see him with someone you can't walk up to them and say hi? Or you can't ask him who it was later? If these women are really just friends then none of that should be a problem. But if he wants you to never speak about it or ask him a single question then he has a screw loose. Or he thinks you do. LMAO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaffegal05
The fact that he is laying down the law so early in the relationship is a big red flag to me. It's ok if he has female friends just like it's ok for you to have male friends, and there shouldn't be any jealousy involved. Why can't you "question" him or talk to him about his female friends? What's the big deal? It seems like he wants this to be off-limits. Whenever two people are in a relationship, its only natural to want to know about each other's friends/acquaintances (male or female) and even hangout.
What other ground rules has he given you? I sense that he may have 'control' issues.
I agree. You can't question him? That to me is a HUGE red flag. The key to a good relationship is communication - and he's basically saying that you aren't allowed to communicate when it comes to certain things.
I'm voting huge red flag. Not that he has female friends, but because you can't ask him any questions. I'm NOT a fan of someone laying down rules either.
Okay, is the terms "lady friends" his or yours? I've heard many men use this term euphemistically for their women with whom they are romantically/physically involved, but with whom they have no long-term understanding or commitment. That's considerably different than "female friends", or "woman friends". Odd that the term "lady" gets used that way, actually...
If he's talking about having good Platonic friendships with other women, that's fine - you could all hang out together and enjoy one another's company from time to time. But if he wants to have "lady friends" who are far from Platonic - nope, that's something else entirely.
You also mentioned considering getting involved in a "committted relationship" with this guy. Committed relationships need to include commitment by both parties, not just one. Before getting more involved with this man, you need clarification of just what he was talking about, and even then, his laying out the "ground rules" to you is very dubious. Unless he can make clear that he meant that he didn't want you to feel threatened by his Platonic friendships with other women, and not wanting this to become a source of misunderstanding and friction - it should be a no-go.
There are other fish in the sea that are swiming in the same direction you want to go...
I met a guy who seems to be interested in a relationship. During our conversation, he started laying down some groundrules and one of them was that if I see him out with other women I can't get "angry" or question him about it. I asked if he is proposing an open relationship & he said no. He explained that he has lady friends and he doesn't want to be with a girl who is the jealous type. Is this a red flag? Do you think this guy may be a potential cheater or jerk? I really like him and I finally found someone who wants to be in a committed relationship with me and I don't want to mess up
Read your own post and pretend you are reading something someone else wrote.
What would YOU say????
Bright, huge, scarlet red flag with sparkles and sequins and flashing lights. C'mon.
I would quickly dispose of anyone who tried to impose ground rules on me as a condition for a relationship. It creates an atmosphere of inequality. A relationship isn't boot camp.
Starting a relationship by setting "ground rules" tells me this person is not only making an assumption about you, they basically are saying, "You know what you're getting into. If you can't accept, your fault."
Why is he making this ALL about him?
I wouldn't want to be with someone who's already making a negative snap judgment about me as a potential GF.
How romantic!
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