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The substitute teaching job presents the same issue that I mentioned earlier. If she applies to be one, then we will need day care and given the amount that substitutes make it would and how much daycare cost, it would end up costing us more money.
Well, then, you're really between a rock and a hard place. You really boxed yourselves in by having kids while still in debt from school, as someone else pointed out. As soon as the kids are old enough for pre-school, she'll no longer have an excuse. I wonder what she'll do then.
This is why i keep insisting: Pre-NUMP
People, particularly women, have a habit of flipping the script at will. There is no such thing as "picking the right one" Marriage is a HUGE risk period.
If she wanted to, she can now divorce you (FIRE you) keep the house, keep the kids, have a LOVER move in and make YOU PAY for it all.
hate to be an ass, BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. you opened yourself to this risk.
This is a really good idea. I find it interesting that the wife is making excuses, when there's obviously not enough money coming in to pay basic family expenses. Will she still be making excuses when they're in a homeless shelter? She needs a major reality check. Or maybe she's ok with everyone moving into her parents' basement, or something.
Sorry, OP. It sounds like you may have made a poor choice for wife material. She's not being straight with you, she doesn't care about the family finances and causing a dive in the family's standard of living, she seems to only care about what she wants. Let us know how it turns out.
He said in his initial post that they can live on his salary...it may not be ideal for the time being but from what he stated there IS enough money coming in. Maybe he retracted that in a follow-up post that I missed.
They have a 5 month old baby. So, take 3 months off that for "maternity leave"...she's had 2 solid months where she hasn't worked after the last baby. Factor in that we are mid-school year. Jobs really aren't easy to come by when you are mid-year.
Subs don't make a whole lot. Certified subs in my area make $91 a day. They have 2 kids so childcare expenses will run them roughly $2k a month (though I'm sure I've underestimated that...those were the fees about 8yrs ago). Divide that by 20 working days and that's $100 a day. So, she makes less than she pays out in that scenario. Now she may make a bit more as a sub in her area but I'm sure it's not far off from that.
She can look for something different, but most other jobs she qualifies for will put her at minimum wage or slightly above (daycare, preschool...etc.) Even if she got something outside of education, she's not qualified for much if all she has is a degree in education...so she MIGHT make $15 an hour. For an 8 hour day that would be $120. So, with $100 a day in expenses for childcare, she might break even after taxes.
Given all that, I don't really think she's poor wife material. I think he needs to be patient for a bit longer. The housing market is crappy so they could list their house and move, but who knows how long that will take so that's not an immediate solution. They may also take a loss on it (depending on how long they've been in it).
I do think she needs to find a way to get herself into the schools and get herself known, and I'm not sure how she can do that with 2 small children at home.
OP, you mentioned that you worked non-traditional hours. Would you be able to stay home with the kids while she did a little volunteer work in the schools (an hour or so in the mornings once or twice a week), or even so she could hand-deliver some resumes. Most people that get hired in my school get the job because they showed up in person to deliver a resume or they had volunteered and/or subbed there before.
Well, then, you're really between a rock and a hard place. You really boxed yourselves in by having kids while still in debt from school, as someone else pointed out. As soon as the kids are old enough for pre-school, she'll no longer have an excuse. I wonder what she'll do then.
I think the real problem is they moved to an area they can't afford. There is no easy, quick solution to right that wrong though.
Great overview, and subsequent post, too. Also, this is a point that many missed. There could be possibilities here.
I think she needs to decide on an action plan that she can follow through with and they both need to put their heads together to figure out how to make it work. There is going to have to be a little give and take from both parties. There are options, sometimes it just takes a little creativity and a little brainstorming.
Having done this myself for several years, I can give a laundry list of reasons why this isn't a great idea but the OP and his wife may want to discover that for themselves.
And you didn't say "daycare" in the post I responded to, you said "preschool". Most preschools don't take 5 month old babies, hence why I responded that they'd still need to find daycare.
Most daycares won't hire someone who has to bring their 5 month old with them if they can help it. Infant room spaces are top dollar and they'd rather someone pay for that space than give it away for free.
No offense, but simply because you didn't like doing preschool doesn't mean it's a bad idea for everyone. I know several people who run or have run preschools and they loved it.
My recommendation was to run a preschool, I never suggested her working at one.
Most daycares I've used and know of would allow employees to bring their kids. Age of the kids didn't really matter as the 5 month old wouldn't be the only infant.
That being said, I don't think it matters what any of us say. She doesn't want to work and will make up any excuse not to. There are still a lot of options for people when they have kids, if they need the money she could even get a job that doesn't use her degree working an opposite shift as him or even nanny.
Her student loans aren't that bad but they are not too far off from that figure. I agree with your point about having jobs that aren't the greatest, but she seems too comfortable with the way things are and I think that is driving the lack of motivation to apply to all jobs instead of the 'ideal' ones.
She doesn't want to be a nanny.
She doesn't want to work then. Good luck paying off her six figures in loan debt for a degree she doesn't want to use. WOW
I will be the one who does that most of the time, mainly because I'm the one who has a vehicle to do so (my wife doesn't have one but she does have a license). That goes without saying. The teaching professional is very difficult to just take off when you want to and I have been well aware of this and have dealt with this with our oldest child. I have a much more stable job, I have more leave and work an alternate schedule to take our children to appointments. That even happens now. I'm not sure what this has to do with the topic. Like anything with parenting, you have to find a way to make it all work. I get the feeling from some of the comments, that I'm being perceived as one of these fathers/husbands who complains but doesn't do anything to help. My wife would be the first one to tell you, I'm extremely involved. And no I'm not pressuring her to get a high paying job. If you believe that is my motivation then you haven't understand what my real issue is.
Its possible that Im not understanding what your real issue is. Im getting your upset because your wife isnt applying to all the positions you believe she should be applying to. That she is trying for a particular position, but you feel she should take any position as long as it pays more than the cost of childcare and other work expenses and since she dosent seem able to secure such a position she should be willing to move, somewhere. Dosent the fact she dosent have her own transportation make it even more difficult for her to find a decent paying position?
The childcare is relevant to the topic because often women, in particular, take jobs with lower salaries, part time, etc. to allow for the flexibility to deal with young children while fathers are not the ones that sacrife the better paying jobs, promotions, etc. Just wondering if that is an issue for her employment search.
The place is being professionally managed. Any damage done to the place will be the responsibility of the tenant. If there is a possibility of pursuing legal matters then we don't have to pay any extra money for that to happen. Trust me, we have our bases covered. This move has been well planned and thought out for years and again it has 0 impact on our expenses. If you had an opportunity to get a bigger place for your kids and it wouldn't cost you any money, wouldn't you do it too? That really isn't an issue.
Okay, that's great. But please keep in mind that folks out here have no way of knowing these things until you tell us. The people who have been responding to you here are among the most thoughtful ones in this sub-forum. As you saw early in the thread, there are people here who take their issues out on others and fire off quickie rant posts, but those who are giving you some serious input are really putting effort into trying to help you, myself among them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
Its possible that Im not understanding what your real issue is. Im getting your upset because your wife isnt applying to all the positions you believe she should be applying to. That she is trying for a particular position, but you feel she should take any position as long as it pays more than the cost of childcare and other work expenses and since she dosent seem able to secure such a position she should be willing to move, somewhere. Dosent the fact she dosent have her own transportation make it even more difficult for her to find a decent paying position?
The childcare is relevant to the topic because often women, in particular, take jobs with lower salaries, part time, etc. to allow for the flexibility to deal with young children while fathers are not the ones that sacrife the better paying jobs, promotions, etc. Just wondering if that is an issue for her employment search.
There is childcare, which the OP acknowledges is an issue. That is exactly why my relative in Maryland is not returning to work until her own kids are school age. BTW, OP, they live in Columbia, where they have a house and are paying a mortgage. Even on a short-sale, you'd probably agree with me that with 3 kids, they have their financial work cut out for them. The husband makes a nice piece of change in IT, but the wife wouldn't earn enough to offset the cost of childcare. So I totally get where that is a big issue.
2mares, I would hazard a guess that her not having her own transportation could be an issue. The Metro/MARC/buses only go so far in that area. But that just adds to it: There would be gas and insurance even for a clunker, or, if she lucked out and landed something near public transit, fares.
OP, I can see why she's hesitating to just apply for any job. All of these things might be swirling around in her head, and when you add in the hassle factor of commuting, having to be there to pick up the kids at childcare or pay exorbitant fees (and surely you are aware of the traffic situation in DMV), and then the possibility of being completely unhappy at the job, and then consider that it would be extremely hard for her to keep looking for the job she really wanted while already working, and you have the potential for a stressed-out, miserable wife who comes to resent you for pressuring her into applying for jobs she knows she doesn't want.
Because that's what it comes down to. You're pressuring her try to devote 5 days a week to something she knows she will hate, just to bring in a few extra bucks after all the other expenses like child care and transportation are paid for. It's not like you're out of work and your family is in a situation where you can't pay your bills and are facing foreclosure. You're talking about "what ifs." Is the extra $200 a month that she would have left after all of this worth it? Unless she really loves what she does, enough so to go through all the expense and hassle, my guess is that she's thinking "probably not."
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