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She doesn't want to work then. Good luck paying off her six figures in loan debt for a degree she doesn't want to use. WOW
And if you read through the thread, you will see that she said she does NOT want to be a SAHM. However, even if she is just saying that to pay him lip service, she could have very valid reasons for not wanting to work at this time. It may not be the best option for their family.
In addition to all of the other things already mentioned--child care, transportation, hassle factor (and trust me, I used to live in that area; one fender-bender and you are an hour late picking up your kids at daycare)--who is going to get out of work when one of the kids gets sick and has to be picked up from daycare? Who is the one who will have to take the day off when a child is sick?
One would hope that the OP would be volunteering for that, because no "new person" is going to get that much slack at a job. She'll get fired.
There are a lot of valid reasons her working right now would be more trouble than it's worth.
I agree with those in the thread who say the OP and his wife put themselves in a tight spot by having kids so soon. They're in their 20s, they have student loan debt, they have a house, and now they have two kids. My personal opinion is that they tried to do too much, too soon, but what is done is done, and it's not my place to judge. Heck, in their shoes, I'd be selling the house and putting the proceeds away for the what-ifs if the what-ifs are that much on his mind. They can always go back and buy a house later, when they are more stable.
One would hope that the OP would be volunteering for that, because no "new person" is going to get that much slack at a job. She'll get fired.
That is stupid. Companies know that people who work for them have families. Hell, management has families. You get sick time. You use it when your kids are sick.
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There are a lot of valid reasons her working right now would be more trouble than it's worth.
I agree with those in the thread who say the OP and his wife put themselves in a tight spot by having kids so soon. They're in their 20s, they have student loan debt, they have a house, and now they have two kids. My personal opinion is that they tried to do too much, too soon, but what is done is done, and it's not my place to judge.
That is stupid. Companies know that people who work for them have families. Hell, management has families. You get sick time. You use it when your kids are sick.
No, that is not stupid. Browse the Work and Employment boards here sometime.
Also, most jobs do not allow people to take sick or vacation time for the first six months. Some jobs don't allow it for a year. Oh, they may indulge the "sick kid" reason, but when probation is up, the new person will be deemed unreliable and let go. And yes, people DO get fired for asking for or taking too much time off when they are new. The OP lives in a right-to-work part of the country, and a very career-driven, no-excuses part of the country at that. I've lived there. So you can keep your stupid "stupid" to yourself.
No, that is not stupid. Browse the Work and Employment boards here sometime.
Also, most jobs do not allow people to take sick or vacation time for the first six months. Some jobs don't allow it for a year. Oh, they may indulge the "sick kid" reason, but when probation is up, the new person will be deemed unreliable and let go. And yes, people DO get fired for asking for or taking too much time off when they are new. The OP lives in a right-to-work part of the country, and a very career-driven, no-excuses part of the country at that. I've lived there. So you can keep your stupid "stupid" to yourself.
Yah I guess it is stupid. To assume that this is going to happen as an excuse to not bother trying to work is. Yah. Stupid.
Yah I guess it is stupid. To assume that this is going to happen as an excuse to not bother trying to work is. Yah. Stupid.
I didn't say that. Stop putting words in my mouth. I am saying that they need to consider who will be the one to get out of work when a kid gets sick. If she goes to work, he is probably going to be the one to have to do that. He is more established at his job and will probably have more clout to take a day off than she will. If he is willing to do that, fine. If not, then she has every reason to be concerned because she is the one who will have to deal with it, and asking a boss she barely knows to take a day off.
What is stupid is running off at the mouth without thinking things through. Have you not had any caffeine yet today? Usually your posts are more well thought out than this. Go have a cup of tea.
Its possible that Im not understanding what your real issue is. Im getting your upset because your wife isnt applying to all the positions you believe she should be applying to. That she is trying for a particular position, but you feel she should take any position as long as it pays more than the cost of childcare and other work expenses and since she dosent seem able to secure such a position she should be willing to move, somewhere. Dosent the fact she dosent have her own transportation make it even more difficult for her to find a decent paying position?
There's something else here that doesn't add up. The OP is saying he wants his wife to find a job. But when we make suggestions, he says they're no good, because she has to stay home to take care of the kids.
Also, the OP apparently works non-traditional hours, but hasn't told us whether or not that means he'd be available to take care of the kids. We need more information, here.
There's something else here that doesn't add up. The OP is saying he wants his wife to find a job. But when we make suggestions, he says they're no good, because she has to stay home to take care of the kids.
Also, the OP apparently works non-traditional hours, but hasn't told us whether or not that means he'd be available to take care of the kids. We need more information, here.
Really. What are these non-traditional hours? Nights? Swing shift? Alternating shifts? Does he have to sleep during the day? Is he gone for dinner and bedtime stories?
I'm sorry but this thread has become a bit frustrating. There are some people who are trying to help and are being genuinely helpful and I really do appreciate it, but there are people coming on here commenting on things that are completely irrelevant to what I have asked. I didn't ask for analysis if my wife and I have made good decisions by having kids or not. I love my children and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Whether you like it or not (not that it even matters) they are here and aren't going anywhere. If you have an issue with decisions that my wife and I have made by having kids at a young age then please don't even waste your time responding anymore. This wasn't a thread about if I have made good decisions over the course of my life, this is if I'm being unreasonable with viewing my wife's job situation. If you can't answer that then please stop because now there are people coming on here commenting on things that are irrelevant and defeats the whole purpose of this conversation.
Now to clear up a few things. I said I work an "alternate schedule" not a non-traditional one. For instance, I work M-F on most weeks and on the following week I get to take a day off during the week. I still work during the day time.
As I have mentioned, my wife is very particular about the job she wants to work. If you are frustrated with her selectivity then congratulations, now you understand the point of this thread. I'm assuming that many of you think that is taking it a bit too far to be so selective. That was my initial thought and why I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable. She believes I just don't understand the teaching profession and how it works.
I never said she had to work. I make enough money to cover our expenses but it's truly not ideal while living in the DC area. That is why I made the suggestion to move to another area. She was against it, so we decided to stay, but the issue is she has a different outlook on her necessity to get a job than I do. If we were living in a different region, this wouldn't be an issue.
She never said she didn't want to work and it's not like she is not trying. I just don't believe she is doing enough. There is a difference. People who keep suggesting that she's not trying to work, aren't really reading what is being said.
Student loans are expensive but I'm not going to be spending the rest of my life paying mines and hers off. Many of her loans are forgivable after a certain period of time. The main thing is to maintain for now and after a few years many of those loans will be gone. Again, irrelevant point because whether she has student loans or not, it doesn't change what I am asking.
And again I want to thank those who have given suggestions, who are actually helping with this. I am putting a lot of thought into what is being said and I will run some of your ideas to her at the appropriate time.
Everyone should work and work hard to generate the cash flow. Not really a woman or a man thing. It is just a matter of math. Yes the wife should work at a full time job.
As I have mentioned, my wife is very particular about the job she wants to work. If you are frustrated with her selectivity then congratulations, now you understand the point of this thread. I'm assuming that many of you think that is taking it a bit too far to be so selective. That was my initial thought and why I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable. She believes I just don't understand the teaching profession and how it works.
I never said she had to work. I make enough money to cover our expenses but it's truly not ideal while living in the DC area. That is why I made the suggestion to move to another area. She was against it, so we decided to stay, but the issue is she has a different outlook on her necessity to get a job than I do. If we were living in a different region, this wouldn't be an issue.
She never said she didn't want to work and it's not like she is not trying. I just don't believe she is doing enough. There is a difference. People who keep suggesting that she's not trying to work, aren't really reading what is being said.
Student loans are expensive but I'm not going to be spending the rest of my life paying mines and hers off. Many of her loans are forgivable after a certain period of time. The main thing is to maintain for now and after a few years many of those loans will be gone. Again, irrelevant point because whether she has student loans or not, it doesn't change what I am asking.
And again I want to thank those who have given suggestions, who are actually helping with this. I am putting a lot of thought into what is being said and I will run some of your ideas to her at the appropriate time.
You never said she had to work, yet you just don't believe she is doing enough.
This is why people are coming at you from all angles. It's like you're saying you're okay with her not working, but you're not really okay with it.
And maybe you don't understand how the teaching profession works. For one thing, in public schools, it's a civil service job. Those are not easy to come by. There are certifications and union membership to consider, as well. It's not like the corporate sector where you send a resume, go on an interview, shake someone's hand, and you have the job. That is why in my first response here, I suggested that you go to your local board and ask if anyone knows what the teaching situation is like in Maryland, because as someone who has several teachers in the family, I don't think you get it, either.
What I wonder is why you don't believe your wife when she tells you about her field. Try to put yourself in her shoes. Would you like it if she started telling you what jobs you should apply for when she wasn't even in your field? It's like you are telling her you know what is better for her career than she does, and you know her field better than she does. It baffles me that you don't trust your wife to know what is right for herself and her career. Sorry, but I don't see why you feel you get to control someone else's career that way, even your wife's.
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