I'm starting to like a "bigger" girl.. (loving, problems, relations)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How do we know she isn't making healthy choices, or is this assumed because of her size?
Personally, I eat pretty health and try to get my exercise in. But it takes an extraordinary amount of effort for it to translate on the scale. My health status reflects the habits (i.e. all of the key metrics are great). But some people would say....she need to lose more weight!
So I am not a fan of the fake "oh I am worried about your health," which is code word for "I don't like your body shape the way it is now, you should lose weight." So just be honest with yourself on your intent. Body shape or measurable health improvements. There is no one body shape for healthy.
Seems to me that the issue is not actually her WEIGHT, but her HEALTH? Yes, the two are related, but not exactly the same....
"You know, Potential Woman, I am concerned about your weight. Would you be interested in me telling you how to lose weight? How about if I worked out with you?" Bad. Very Bad. Sounds kind and supportive, but it's still BAD.
Orrrr.....
"You know, Potential Woman, I like you a lot and as we are getting closer, I feel I need to bring something up with you. As you know, I am very concerned with my own health and one of my life goals is to keep making choices that will at least help to make sure that I am as healthy as I can be for as long as I can be. I think that may possibly get annoying or overwhelming to anyone who doesn't have that same goal.. How do you feel about that?" MUCH BETTER. It's non-judgemental and still gets to the heart of the issue- does she value healthy choices as much as you do?
Approaching it this way (I would guess) might easily lead to further discussion about not only this issue, but other life goals as well.
If she says she doesn't share that goal... move on. If she says she would like to make better choices.. DING-DING-DING- there's your golden ticket to subsequent discussions about healthy choices. (Keep the focus on the HEALTH aspect, not the WEIGHT aspect!)
The health aspect is nothing but bull-hockey. If guys were so concerned with the health aspect then they wouldn't be dating extremely underweight or anorexic/bulemic women and I don't believe I've EVER seen a thread started here regarding a woman being 'too thin' and a guy wondering what to do.
At least be honest... I know plenty of overweight people who are in great health, many of them are runners or avid outdoors people but I'm sure strangers would immediately classify them as unhealthy, but the thin woman who smokes 2 packs a day and drinks nothing but diet coke is immediately seen as healthy, even though she's far from it.
It gets a bit irritating when people use 'health' as an excuse. At least admit you aren't attracted to overweight or fat people. My ex used that as an excuse with me but it was ALWAYS about the way I looked, he never once asked to see my bloodwork, MRI, Dexa or xray results (I have a genetic disorder and get a lot of testing done) because if he had, he would have seen I was perfectly healthy even while being slightly overweight. But he was sooooo concerned that I wasn't 'healthy'.
If he doesn't like her because she's fat, that's fine, but don't hide behind 'health' as an excuse for it.
Just forget about her. Don't go into a relationship already hoping they'll change a major aspect of themselves. Stick to your standards and if people give you grief, so be it.
I think getting involved with her is a big mistake. You'll end up resenting her if she doesn't lose weight or, worse, if she gains extra weight. It'll be even worse if you gain weight because of your relationship with her.
I met someone from a dating website recently - she has a very attractive face, is highly intelligent (pursuing PhD), has a great sense of humor, and has many of the check marks I value in a relationship.
The only "negative" is she's "bigger" than what I usually date.
I like to jog and exercise, and I generally eat pretty healthy. Diabetes runs in my family, and seeing amputations first hand in relatives due to poor circulation/working in the health field - I don't want that for me, or the person I'm in a relationship with.
At this point we're just dating, but if we have a relationship together - I really don't want to gain weight. I also don't want her to gain weight. I'd love for her to slim down, and would want to be there for her, since I like many other things about her.
So is it fair to begin a relationship under that circumstance?
For the "bigger" people here - how would you feel if someone began a relationship with you, with that as the intention?
I remember a couple of threads on here from a couple of guys who were fit and got into relationships with bigger women, they tried to overlook their GF's weight but it did bother them. You've just have to do some introspection and see how important having a partner who is in shape and not overweight is to you before you jump into a relationship with this girl. You don't want to jump into a relationship with her and find later that you can't overlook her size and start resenting her for it. And don't expect her to change. If she does slim down, great but if not then you really can't be disappointed. A lot of people are going to call you shallow but I'm not. For some people, weight is a factor in finding a mate and if people can't deal with that then that's their problem. And this comment is coming from a big guy whose been turned down because of his weight as well. It's just the reality that big folks have to face.
For the "bigger" people here - how would you feel if someone began a relationship with you, with that as the intention?
Hi TheEarthBeneathMe--
As a bigger guy who is in the middle of losing weight, I'd have to make it damned clear to any girlfriend that I'm doing it on my own terms.
I don't do salads, Whole Foods, or arugula. Didn't even know what arugula was until about a year ago. They all make me puke. I do chicken, turkey, and beef - lots of lean meats. I make soups, chili, and lots of other protein-rich meals. Not rabbit food, tofu, or lettuce. There isn't even any in my house.
I hate cardio, although I'll force myself to do at least a little when I work out. Guarantee I'll be one of the meatheads who hangs around the free weight racks within a year or two.
So I guess I should say I could never date a vegan.
The problem is that the OP is very vague in his post. We don't really know if this girl is unhealthy or if she's even overweight/obese. We only know that she is bigger than the girls he usually dates.
But we do know that this woman has all the other qualities that the OP seeks and that the last hold up is actually a fairly shallow one. Plenty of people have suggested that he move on. I agree if he cannot accept her weight as is. But if it an area in his life that he is willing to give some critical thought, he may determine that the weight issue is not as important as he thinks it is.
I encourage the OP to decide up front to accept her as she is and enjoy a meaningful relationship. Physical traits will change over time. Maybe she will gain weight, maybe she will lose it. It's hard to tell. One thing that is a given is that she will grow older and physical beauty will eventually fade anyway. So why not connect on deeper points and and appreciate her for who she is first, and what she looks like second.
OP, you are the only one who can decide. It sounds to me like you have found a heck of a catch. Take advantage now, or you'll be participating in next year's "The one that got away" thread here on the relationships page!
You shouldn't enter into a relationship with the thought in mind that you're going to change someone, particuarly when it comes to their body shape. You should probably leave this one alone.
I'm sorta agreeing here, to bank on her to lose weight, IDK, that's a tough call, she might have had weight issues all her life, and to get with someone and hope they will change..... not starting off on the best foot.
Cause what if she never loses weight?? She might, maybe, maybe not.
I met someone from a dating website recently - she has a very attractive face, is highly intelligent (pursuing PhD), has a great sense of humor, and has many of the check marks I value in a relationship.
The only "negative" is she's "bigger" than what I usually date.
I like to jog and exercise, and I generally eat pretty healthy. Diabetes runs in my family, and seeing amputations first hand in relatives due to poor circulation/working in the health field - I don't want that for me, or the person I'm in a relationship with.
At this point we're just dating, but if we have a relationship together - I really don't want to gain weight. I also don't want her to gain weight. I'd love for her to slim down, and would want to be there for her, since I like many other things about her.
So is it fair to begin a relationship under that circumstance?
For the "bigger" people here - how would you feel if someone began a relationship with you, with that as the intention?
Dude, don't be shy! I've always had a women fetish for the big and tall, beautiful ladies! They are fantastic!
There's a significant difference between a woman who's nicely voluptuous as opposed to a fat woman who is bordering on obesity. There are people in this world who have serious weight issues that require medical attention/therapeutic assistance. Enough posters on CD and in this world don't realize the nature of this but they continue to do their best to discredit fat people and deem them inferior.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
