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I met someone from a dating website recently - she has a very attractive face, is highly intelligent (pursuing PhD), has a great sense of humor, and has many of the check marks I value in a relationship.
The only "negative" is she's "bigger" than what I usually date.
I like to jog and exercise, and I generally eat pretty healthy. Diabetes runs in my family, and seeing amputations first hand in relatives due to poor circulation/working in the health field - I don't want that for me, or the person I'm in a relationship with.
At this point we're just dating, but if we have a relationship together - I really don't want to gain weight. I also don't want her to gain weight. I'd love for her to slim down, and would want to be there for her, since I like many other things about her.
So is it fair to begin a relationship under that circumstance?
For the "bigger" people here - how would you feel if someone began a relationship with you, with that as the intention?
Last edited by TheEarthBeneathMe; 12-11-2012 at 03:45 AM..
Chances are this will always be on your mind and you won't get over it. Kind of happened to me before, she wasn't fat.. but maybe a little bit below my standards.
Make healthy living attractive and desired. Do some outdoor activities with her. Go for walks.
And praise every effort she will make.
I bet she will start to shed pounds.
If she is attractive, intelligent and you really like her a lot, then everything you do to keep this working will pay back.
Good luck!
You shouldn't enter into a relationship with the thought in mind that you're going to change someone, particuarly when it comes to their body shape. You should probably leave this one alone.
Make healthy living attractive and desired. Do some outdoor activities with her. Go for walks.
And praise every effort she will make.
I bet she will start to shed pounds.
If she is attractive, intelligent and you really like her a lot, then everything you do to keep this working will pay back.
Good luck!
I think this is a great approach. Lead by example.
And as you get to know her, she'll give you clues about how she feels about potentially losing weight. If she wants to lose, then offer to help. If she claims to be happy with her size, then you can move on.
If she's pursuing a PhD, well, one of my big weight gains occurred while I was working on my undergrad thesis. I dropped the weight shortly after that. Stress makes me fat.
I met someone from a dating website recently - she has a very attractive face, is highly intelligent (pursuing PhD), has a great sense of humor, and has many of the check marks I value in a relationship.
The only "negative" is she's "bigger" than what I usually date.
I like to jog and exercise, and I generally eat pretty healthy. Diabetes runs in my family, and seeing amputations first hand in relatives due to poor circulation/working in the health field - I don't want that for me, or the person I'm in a relationship with.
At this point we're just dating, but if we have a relationship together - I really don't want to gain weight. I also don't want her to gain weight. I'd love for her to slim down, and would want to be there for her, since I like many other things about her.
So is it fair to begin a relationship under that circumstance?
For the "bigger" people here - how would you feel if someone began a relationship with you, with that as the intention?
I think I'd rather advise her than you. If I could speak to her, here is what I would say:
"This man says you are pretty, intelligent, have a great sense of humor, plus lots of other qualities he greatly admires. However, he is seriously thinking of discounting all that because of your weight. Even if he decides to take a chance with you, he is likely to put a lot of pressure on you to slim down, starting from day one. He'll justifying his weight fixation by explaining his family history of diabetes. I don't think he means any harm. He is probably a good guy at heart. But frankly, I think you can do better."
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