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Like most people money is tight but my wife and I have been saving for a trip to Europe sometime in the future. Not sure exactly when we planned it a few years ago we said 2014 or 2015 so we’d have a goal. We’ve saved our Frequent Flyer miles for years knowing someday we’d take a trip of a lifetime across Europe for a couple of weeks in 2014 or 2015 and use the miles for our airfare. We travel about 1-2 times a year by air, mostly to visit her adult children who live out of state and when we do we try to keep it on the Delta so we can add to our FF miles for our trip.
My wife is a teacher at a high school and every 2 years the juniors & seniors go to Europe in the spring. About 10 chaperones are needed so they can volunteer to go as well and they get to go for FREE! Not a bad deal huh? When the trip came up in 2012 I asked if she was interested in going and she said “no because she’d rather go with me in a few years”. Aww that’s sweet. Fast forward to this year she mentioned that this year the school is planning for the next Europe trip in 2014. Since she’d had already said she’d rather go with me I didn’t inquire much about it and she never mentioned it again.
This past weekend we were at her work Christmas party and one of her girlfriends from work asked us what I thought about my wife going to Europe with them in 2014 and what a great opportunity it was and blah, blah, blah. My wife had the “OH...***” look on her face and I didn’t say anything to either of them. One the way home I asked what that was all about and she said she’d like to go with the school to Europe in 2014. I said that’s great but I thought WE, as in you & I were going to go in 2014 or 2015? She replied that was great but it’s almost free. Then says it’ll be an extra $600 for her because she wants to pay for a private room on the trip rather than a semi-private one because she snores. She then pointed out since she’s going to go in 2014 WE don’t have to go in 2014 or 2015 and “can do something else”?! WTF? I asked when were you going to mention it and she didn’t say a thing. I was looking forward to going in a year or two but now she’s hitting all the places we’d go: Greece, Italy, France…
So now the trip I found out about isn’t free but will cost about $600, we won’t be going for a few years since she’s going and I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m kinda pissed and kinda hurt because she didn’t mention it and I thought we’d go together. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? I haven't mentioned it again.
Dang, no, you are not being unreasonable. I can totally understand her wanting to go on this trip with her HS, but at the very least she has communicated poorly with you.
You should plan a trip to Brazil with a guy friend or two and have a debauched time... see how she likes that. Then the two of you can go to Europe in 2015.
You are not being unreasonable. She decided not to share with you this information...why did she do that? She knew it would affect you and it seems, she knew you'd be upset...and you have a right to be. You've been planning this for years, plus she turned down a prior trip with the school. Why did she change all of a sudden? Saying it's practically free and yet it'll still cost $600 is nuts.
Seriously, I'd want to know the specifics of her thought process because yeah, if I had planned a once in a lifetime trip with my husband and he decided to go with work, without me and blew off our own plans???? I'd be royally P'O'd!!!
I think I'd have to know more about her deal on this...maybe that will help you sort through this.
I think that she should be able to go. It is a class trip. I can understand how she feels about the snoring issue, I would be a little embarrassed too! Europe is a HUGE place. There is no way she is going to have quality time during the spring break to see all of the wonderful places. No way. I am over here myself from the states right now and there are plenty of places I want to go and I am here for a year and don't feel as though I am going to be able to hit all I want to see. It is also a long airplane ride and you waste a day on both ends just traveling to and from! Seriously, give her your blessings, still take your trip together as planned. There is so much to see over here. Take a map out and really study it. People love Istanbul, Turkey, Dubrovnik Croatia, Prague in the Czech Republic, Austria, Normandy France, Montenegro has beautiful places like Tivat, Kotor, Sveti Stefan, Kolasin. So, these are the hidden gems and please research them and let me know what you think. Do not limit yourself to Germany, Italy, France, Greece. There is no way she is going to really be able to put quality time in to all of those places you listed in such a short time. Only a glimpse, the quality time will be with you.
I think you have reason. She's basically taking the dream trip you two wanted by herself. Did she even invite you to go?
AND she's spending $600 for a private room.
You know, when I was 15, I went on one of those trips. The teachers were more wild than the students. Just saying. I'd not only be irritated if I were the OP, but wondering why she wanted a private room instead of just buying the person she'd be sharing a room with some earplugs.
You are not being unreasonable. She decided not to share with you this information...why did she do that? She knew it would affect you and it seems, she knew you'd be upset...and you have a right to be. You've been planning this for years, plus she turned down a prior trip with the school. Why did she change all of a sudden? Saying it's practically free and yet it'll still cost $600 is nuts.
Seriously, I'd want to know the specifics of her thought process because yeah, if I had planned a once in a lifetime trip with my husband and he decided to go with work, without me and blew off our own plans???? I'd be royally P'O'd!!!
I think I'd have to know more about her deal on this...maybe that will help you sort through this.
I disagree. She obviously had to eventually tell him and was nervous about it. It's not like she is going with one of her girlfriends, she is going on a school trip! Do you really think that will be as fun as with her husband? The way I see this is that she will be able to scout it out for them in the future. Yes she turned down a prior trip and probably regretted it later. Opportunities happen for a reason.
I disagree. She obviously had to eventually tell him and was nervous about it. It's not like she is going with one of her girlfriends, she is going on a school trip! Do you really think that will be as fun as with her husband? The way I see this is that she will be able to scout it out for them in the future. Yes she turned down a prior trip and probably regretted it later. Opportunities happen for a reason.
So she's nervous about telling him so she waits for the Christmas party blabber to blab it to him? She didn't think of telling him in an appropriate time and place because boohoo, she felt nervous? Well, I say tough. She's only nervous because she knew he'd be upset...he would be upset because she "seemed" to have little regard for the plans she made with him.
I'm sure he'd have no problems with her going with the school, but by not telling him, it reallys seems there is more to the story. If I had a trip opportunity like this at work and I was offered this chance, I'd be on the phone immediately with my husband...or tell him when I got home from work that day. I wouldn't wait for a time and place where if he didn't like it, he couldn't really make a comment because it might cause a scene.
I think that's a manipulative behavior and I flat don't like it. You may see it as a way for her to go and scout Europe...wrong. I can see it now, "oh, when I was here WE did this"...the constant comparison might be too much. It doesn't really matter though...we don't have all the details.
I disagree. She obviously had to eventually tell him and was nervous about it. It's not like she is going with one of her girlfriends, she is going on a school trip! Do you really think that will be as fun as with her husband? The way I see this is that she will be able to scout it out for them in the future. Yes she turned down a prior trip and probably regretted it later. Opportunities happen for a reason.
Our teachers partied when I went on a trip like that. Even the nun who came along had a few glasses of wine with dinner every night. I remember how red her nose used to get from it. The lay teachers drank every night, and they were pretty hungover the next day. One of them did not return to school the next year. I suspect she was not invited back because of her behavior. It was enough of a boisterous time that our first bus-driver quit before we were out of the first country--which was The Netherlands. As in Amsterdam. Think about that. They were too wild for Amsterdam, the city where prostitutes pose in windows.
So to say that she will not have as much fun as she would with her husband strikes me as a bit naive.
It's so rare that I get on here and suggest "eye for eye" in interpersonal relationships, but this might be a situation where it would indeed be a good idea for the OP to plan a trip of his own, without her. She can complain about how her trip is "work," but the bottom line is that she wants to dip into their savings for their trip so she can go to Europe without him, work or not. That's pretty shabby. Her first loyalty should be toward her husband, and obviously she knows that and feels guilty about it because she tried to hide it from him like one of the teenagers she'd be chaperoning.
That was not cool of her. I'd be pissed. Is it all said and done, no questions asked, she's going? Or could you tell her you'd prefer to go in 2014 as a couple like originally planned?
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