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All good answers. Let me add that if there is a marriage, then the step parent ends up becoming part of the support system for the child, BUT, when there is a discipline problem, all of a sudden you aren't the parent. If junior gets in trouble, now the step parent is expected to be supportive and part of the solution, a solution that they have no part in making decisions about. Forget it. Too much drama, hassle and cost.
Why are kids a deal-breaker for you? I notice this more with men who won't date single mothers, although it can happen with women not dating single dads as well. Is it because the kids themselves drive you nuts and you don't like having them around? Or is it for financial reasons, because you fear that your significant other would guilt you into helping financially support a kid who is not yours? Or is there some other reason i have not thought of?
Men who refuse to date single mothers have all kinds of reasons. None of them are all that compelling.
In the broadest sense, men who won't date single mothers don't want to grow up. They want what they had in their early 20s to continue forever. They want a woman to be there for them, but they don't want to have to deal with the realities of her life. Do men have a right to be this way? Yes. But I am not obligated to respect them.
I don't see anything disrespectful about knowing what you don't want and being up front about it. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have the same lifestyle as yourself.
I have no respect for parents who have restrictions in this area. You have lost all rights to be picky, IMO.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
Because I don't like kids and can't stand dealing with them?
Ditto.
Quote:
In the broadest sense, men who won't date single mothers don't want to grow up. They want what they had in their early 20s to continue forever. They want a woman to be there for them, but they don't want to have to deal with the realities of her life. Do men have a right to be this way? Yes. But I am not obligated to respect them.
So not wanting to deal with potential drama of a sometimes volatile situation is "not wanting to grow up"? Knowing that you would not be able to deal with the responsibility of parenting and avoiding parenthood at all costs is "not wanting to grow up"?
Fine, don't respect us for not dating single mothers. As an exchange I won't respect people who think parenthood is a vital part of growing up.
I wont date a single dad, not because I don't like kids, I love kids. I just don't want to deal with possible drama with the mom and what if the kid(s) don't like me?
First of all, I truly believe that a single parent should be focusing on the kid and using their free time for the kid. I don't believe emotional and financial and time-related effort should be going into dating. I don't believe a parade of strangers should be going in and out of this kid's life.
Second of all, when it's not your kid, you often get put into a weird zone where you have the responsibility and none of the power. No, thanks.
Third of all, most of the time, this means that the ex will be prominently featured in your new life together. Again, no thanks.
I don't see anything disrespectful about knowing what you don't want and being up front about it. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have the same lifestyle as yourself.
I have no respect for parents who have restrictions in this area. You have lost all rights to be picky, IMO.
Again, I am not questioning anyone's RIGHT, I am questioning their REASONS.
It is one thing to try having a relationship with a single mother and having that relationship fail for reasons related to the fact she has kids. It is quite another thing to automatically reject women because they have children. I cannot imagine finding someone with 101 great qualities, yet rejecting them out of hand because they are single parents. Yet, that is what many claim to be willing to do. To me, it is just a form of prejudice.
We men frequently, and rightly, demand women stop negatively prejudging us based on bad past experiences with other men. We ought to extend the same courtesy to single mothers.
I cannot imagine finding someone with 101 great qualities, yet rejecting them out of hand because they are single parents. Yet, that is what many claim to be willing to do. To me, it is just a form of prejudice.
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Um, it's not like a "quality" like leaving the towel on the floor after taking a shower.
Their parenthood is the single biggest and most important thing going on in their lives at that moment and for the foreseeable future. It's all-encompassing and all-consuming.
Sorry if you think that's prejudiced, but it'd be the same as preferring not to date a workaholic or anyone whose life was severely restricted for any reason...but even more loaded with emotion and the responsibility of the well-being of an innocent child.
I have been in th emiddle of a number of devorces that stemed from a man marrying a woman with children , and she would not back up his dicipline and the kids were running hawg wild .
One instance the couple lived together 6-7 years and got married. In less than a year later they were devorced .
I worked with the fellow 8 hours a day a co worker and I know his personality ,and the frustration of not being able to lead his family. And he is not the violent sort nor abusive,
just always caught in the middle of arguments and fights with the kids and the mother won't listen to him because they are not his kids .
One guy was only allowed to dicipline his own kid but not hers .
Several women play this game alll sweet and accomodating , the get married and she becomes a b---- ,they devorce and she's off hooking up with another, mean while all her ex's are being bleed .
When you live in a small town you learn plenty.
On one job two other guys I worked with, discovered they were both ex's of the same woman about 3 men apart , that's really messed up.
I know several girls that use the welfare system having babies not even getting married and the state has to foot the bill .
Women have tried to ensnare me with sex, I wouldn't participate with them, knowing it wasn't love , I was simply loooked at as a potential resource .
Besides premarital sex and adultry are wrong , and not because I was taught that by religious folk ,but because I have seen the result of those that failed to live responsibly.
Respect goes out the window.
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