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Of course you're "settling". Everyone does. People are all a mixed bag of good and bad qualities. Men and women in many cases don't think the same and have a different set of priorities. They don't even see colors the same. So yes its a judgment call. And its also a risk, because people change as they go through life. There's no magic formula for picking a spouse to be "happily ever after." The biggest mistake people actually make is if they marry someone is "perfect in every way." They will soon find all kinds of faults and have their dreams smashed. Good luck.
Ok, here's the thing...love is like a plant; it grows according to what you feed it. The best way to both affirm your love and grow your love is to feed it. Love is work, love is action, love is sacrifice, love is an investment.
Above all else, you should be careful and not marry this guy if you secretly feel bored with him already. It is not fair to him. If you marry and have kids, your lives will change *dramatically* and by that point you're both locked-in for a good 20 to 25 years because even if you divorce you are still a parent and you will still have responsibilities toward your children.
On the other hand, you need to also realize that long term relationships are not always filled with endless romance and extasis. That's the fantasy that Hollywood sells and it is pure horse manure. Ever wonder about the absolute hypocrisy of those actors who play the ideal husband or wife on the set and yet have disastrous personal lives involving lover after lover after lover? It is because life is complicated.
You won't value what you have until you lost it. So make the plunge, make him happier and leave him now. Go find your bad boy and realize the disappointment ahead in your life. You are cheating and lying to the SO so why not spare him any further hardship? I expect there are many women that will value and love him for real.
Very powerful thread. Unfortunately I think you already know the answer yourself........... you've reached that point where you feel like you "can probably do better"... it's a point of no return IMO... if he was to dump you tomorrow, I'm convinced you'd be head over heels again.. but it would be based on not being able to deal with his rejection instead of true love.
Propz for making this thread though, really got me thinking.
So many people are so quick in this thread to tell her to give up. I don't know though. They have been together for 5 years, and I don't think it's uncommon to get restless when you've been together that long. People get complacent, the spark fades. That doesn't mean that you can't liven things up though and breathe some new life into the relationship. Communication is key though. You have to let him know how you're feeling and give him a chance to turn things around.
So many people are so quick in this thread to tell her to give up. I don't know though. They have been together for 5 years, and I don't think it's uncommon to get restless when you've been together that long. People get complacent, the spark fades. That doesn't mean that you can't liven things up though and breathe some new life into the relationship. Communication is key though. You have to let him know how you're feeling and give him a chance to turn things around.
I agree with you.
The OP is expecting a magical feeling that lasts throughout the years; such a thing does not exist. All relationships change over time, so it is up to us to work on keeping things interesting.
If the OP breaks up with her boyfriend, I predict that she will regret it in 10 years or so. This is the end result of expecting excitement and complete emotional fulfillment from a relationship: All the Single Ladies - Kate Bolick - The Atlantic
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