Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been seeing the same girl for 6 years. It started as a FWB situation after I had an especially draining breakup that left me numb emotionally. I carried that numbness until recently.
Without getting into too much detail, I've recently in the past year or so come to realize I do very much love her and am considering marriage. She's an incredibly good hearted, faithful person, and we're still getting along famously after 6 years. On the surface, we're affectionate and the sex is as good as ever. That's something I feel like is very rare these days.
Anyways, the problem I'm facing is our age difference. We're 4 years apart. I'm 29 and she's 33. It's not a big deal, and I'm sure the age difference will mean less and less as we get older - but it does matter in one important sense. I've never been super crazy about the idea of having kids, although I'm starting to warm up to it. She definitely wants one. The thing is, I'm not close to ready yet. And I don't want to rush something like that and make a mistake. I'd like to be financially secure and ready for something major like that.
How long? I don't know. Maybe 4-5 years? Even then, I feel like I might be doing it more for her and maybe not ready myself? The problem is, then she's getting into her late 30's and it becomes riskier and the likelihood of her even becoming pregnant gets lower. Her twin sister has been trying to get pregnant now for almost 6 months with no luck.
So I feel like between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to lose her, but I'd be devastated to feel I was somewhat responsible for her not being able to live out that part of her life. Sure, adoption and other options are out there, but I know she wants her own.
I've offered to go to a doctor with her and talk options, but other than that - am not sure what to do.
I realize the answer may not be here in this forum, but it helps to talk about it. And it's one of those personal things that I just don't discuss with my guy friends.
That's the thing, I know I won't. I'm definitely not someone to act on something like that unless I'm 100%. But on the other hand I love her and don't want her to be denied what she wants.
You said you were warming up to it, so that's good. I would do it because in 4 or 5 years you may not think that's a good time either. Things have a way of working out and taking care of themselves. A child can be a wonderful addition to you and your's life and bring much happiness, I would do it.
That is a good advice, but I have always been 100% honest with her. For years I told her I wasn't into the kids idea. Now I've told her it's possible but I can't guarantee it and it may take some years. I've totally opened up the door for her to see other people to get what she wants but she's totally adamant to be with me.
That is a good advice, but I have always been 100% honest with her. For years I told her I wasn't into the kids idea. Now I've told her it's possible but I can't guarantee it and it may take some years. I've totally opened up the door for her to see other people to get what she wants but she's totally adamant to be with me.
if she really does want to be with you and feels the same for you she will wait for you to be ready. just be honest to her about how you feel and explain you side so she has a firm understanding of why.
this isn't about you or her in the bigger picture, its about them. treat it as such.
if she cannot come to terms or rationalize with what you need, i hate to say it but she may not be the one for you.
That is a good advice, but I have always been 100% honest with her. For years I told her I wasn't into the kids idea. Now I've told her it's possible but I can't guarantee it and it may take some years. I've totally opened up the door for her to see other people to get what she wants but she's totally adamant to be with me.
This, to me, sounds like you are stringing her along. You may have opened the door for her to see other people, but you also gave her false hope that someday you might be interested in having a child. She wants to be with you and she's going to hang on to that thread of hope you created.
Be completely honest with yourself and with her. You either want children or you don't. If you do but it's just poor timing then be up front about that, however, you should also have a timeline and some kind of plan.
"It's possible" is just going to create issues. She feels as though there is a glimmer of hope and if you have gone from not wanting kids to warming up to the idea she's going to assume it will naturally progress to you wanting children eventually.
However, for years I gave a definitive "no" to children until very recently, and even then was totally open and told her if she wanted them, it'd be best if we saw other people.
I don't know if I agree with the "you either want children or you don't". Priorities often change in life, and what you want when you're 25 could be very different from what you want when you're 40.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
