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She lied, we ALL lie, hers just has a greater impact, does that make her lie worse?
You can't be serious. You can't see this lie is epic in scope? You can't see that lying about being on birth control and then forcing a child on you is a billion times worse than a white lie? Sure, everyone lies. That's not the point. Very, very few married women tell a lie to their husbands that they're on birth control and then gets pregnant without their knowledge or consent. Monstrously self-absorbed, selfish behavior.
The traveling parallel was meant to be an allusion to her consumerist mentality and show our differences in how we go about life. It was a bad parallel and rereading it only seems deprecative and doesn't help understanding of the situation that much.
I personally can't understand the situation because I'd never be deceptive and get pregnant if my partner had made it clear that wasn't what they also wanted. It's a strange way of thinking, definitely deviant. If she 100% stopped taking her pill without telling you in an attempt to have another baby without you knowing about her plan, my main concern would be what else she's lied to you about. It really is just unacceptable, she obviously cares more about herself and her needs than you. Marriage is a partnership and she's acting as an individual.
Ha, well, if you're going to justify her actions by saying "we ALL lie" then that's your problem but if someone lied to me about something of such magnitude I'd be right pis*ed... I thought your post was written because you're upset that she blatantly lied to you and basically got pregnant because SHE wanted to regardless of what she thought about your plans and your feelings. However, if you think that's not a reason to have a serious talk with her and take a serious look at your relationship, then I guess your post is more about concerns regarding different travel styles to which I say: suck it up or don't travel together.
I'm very angry. But i didn't want to paint a bad picture of her because she isnt here to defend her position. Traveling is not the concern.
Your children are under nine years old and it is YOUR year? They are self reliable? You want to brag about your travels on face book?
Your wife is pregnant and you come on here trashing about how everything is done for her blah blah? You sound like you absolutely hate your wife. What gives here?
While I understand she stopped taking the birth control and you are angry over it, what if she had been taking it and something else caused it not to work?
Both times I got pregnant I was taking birth control pills. My dr never told me back then, and it is the same dr that actually wanted me to take them.... the other medication I was taking caused them to not work as they should.
My then husband tells me after I tell him I am pregnant with my daughter, our second child, that I need to take care of it.
You sound like that kind of man. Your year. It is your year when your kids are adults, and not before.
Also, if you have no reason to believe your wife was cheating, I would not suggest a paternity test. If you know you were having sex with her, don't think she was cheating, etc, that will not be a good thing for the marriage.
As much as you sound to resent your wife, however, I don't guess it would matter much.
Sorry if I am sounding like a ******, just calling it like I see it.
OP, I have completed my previous post and come back and read some of yours. Your additions and your realizing the way you worded things makes a big difference.
Ok, long story but lets see if i can abstract it.
9 Years ago my wife and I married and had a daughter. OK! I joined the Army, stopped being lazy and became very ambitious and hard working. Wife not so ambitious but it is not a flaw as I see it, just who she is. Daughter 2 is conceived after my 2nd deployment, I am injured, retired out of the Army. I go to school now, and I am doing really well. I work hard for my family and my time and energy is stretched thin. This year was supposed to be MY year, where I could be a little selfish: Columbia University, Paris in the summer with the family, both kids semi self-reliant, almost debtless. Well, my wife stops taking birth control and tells me she is taking it, and I did ask, many times, she is now pregnant. Is she holding me back? Should I be angry? Am I being selfish? My wife has been given everything her entire life and has never worked hard for anything, when she makes a mess of something, someone else cleans it up. I always try to blame myself for everything because once you blame someone else, you make yourself a victim, and nothings ever your fault again. "I should have gotten the vasectomy" is what I said to myself, but she told me not to. I know that she does not want another child, but she forgot to re-up her birth control for a couple months. Here is the difficulty: I can be happy with her and my "3"! children, and I can still be successful and see the world, but that type of irresponsible behavior will persist if I just work harder to overcome roadblocks. I want to see the world, and I want my daughters to see the world and to know that America isn't everything there is to know, and my wife doesn't seem to want that. This might explain my situation, my wife wants to travel, but doesn't save money or make money to travel, and when she gets to where she wanted to go, its not to learn and enjoy the people and absorb the culture, but to go to a cool place, take pictures, and brag about it on Facebook. Someone tell me I am just being whiny, and if I didn't want another child, I shouldn't have relied on another.
My guess is that your wife could care less if you are around or not just so long as the money keeps coming in. She sounds monumentally self-centered and you are basically nothing but a wallet at this point.
My advice to you would be to do what YOU want to do. Live your life to the fullest because this is the only one you have. As a self-absorbed liar, she does not deserve the respect and accord that you would show a loving, caring partner. Make sure your children are provided for, which is your responsibility, but do not live your life according to your wife's wishes.
Your wife does seem selfish. But this is still your child. I would however make her sign the papers of consent to get a vasectomy. Depending on age. I think if you want to save have your own account that she doesnt have access to. My mom liked history and culture. And my dad enjoyed both culture and fancy things. I think you should divide the vacation up. Time frame thing. Just remember she brought on all the lovely things that come with pregnancy. Lol It won't be a bed of roses. Good luck.
Your children are under nine years old and it is YOUR year? They are self reliable? You want to brag about your travels on face book?
Your wife is pregnant and you come on here trashing about how everything is done for her blah blah? You sound like you absolutely hate your wife. What gives here?
While I understand she stopped taking the birth control and you are angry over it, what if she had been taking it and something else caused it not to work?
Both times I got pregnant I was taking birth control pills. My dr never told me back then, and it is the same dr that actually wanted me to take them.... the other medication I was taking caused them to not work as they should.
My then husband tells me after I tell him I am pregnant with my daughter, our second child, that I need to take care of it.
You sound like that kind of man. Your year. It is your year when your kids are adults, and not before.
Also, if you have no reason to believe your wife was cheating, I would not suggest a paternity test. If you know you were having sex with her, don't think she was cheating, etc, that will not be a good thing for the marriage.
As much as you sound to resent your wife, however, I don't guess it would matter much.
Sorry if I am sounding like a ******, just calling it like I see it.
BTW. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I think you misunderstood me. I do not have FB. My year as in I finally balanced things and I could relax a touch, and enjoy my personal hard work. Self-reliant in that I don't have to make them a bottle every 4 hours, change their diapers, clean their rooms, wakeup in the middle of the night...If she had been taking birth control then she wouldn't have been lying and this post would not exist.
I think you misunderstood me. I do not have FB. My year as in I finally balanced things and I could relax a touch, and enjoy my personal hard work. Self-reliant in that I don't have to make them a bottle every 4 hours, change their diapers, clean their rooms, wakeup in the middle of the night...If she had been taking birth control then she wouldn't have been lying and this post would not exist.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari
OP, I have completed my previous post and come back and read some of yours. Your additions and your realizing the way you worded things makes a big difference.
I posted this just after the other one. I gotcha.
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