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There are lots of threads about age gap relationships and some really biased opinions expressed. I have several friends who are in functional and long lasting relationships with people of significantly different ages, so I thought I would ask the following:
1. If you meet someone who does not "look their age" to the point where you guess that they are ten years younger than quoted, and they are actually significantly older than you, would you explore a relationship (all other factors being positive-- attraction, personality, etc.)
2. Does the gender of this person make a difference? Say you are a straight man and this is a straight woman? What about it you are a straight woman and this is a straight man? What about if you are a gay man or gay woman?
3. What is the upper end of your age limit for dating/relationships compared to your own age?
4. Would age be a dealbreaker if you initially assumed your partner was younger than they were, and had this information corrected?
5. What is your perception of couples who look like there is an age gap? Does this perception change based on the gender of the older person?
If you have a strong connection, get along and have similiar interests I don't see the problem whether your a day apart or 19 years apart. I think I'd go 20 as a limit. There's someone that does part time work with my grandfather whos like 22 years older then his wife, and whenever they go out to dinner their always mistaken for a father/daughter. That'd be weird to me.
There are lots of threads about age gap relationships and some really biased opinions expressed. I have several friends who are in functional and long lasting relationships with people of significantly different ages, so I thought I would ask the following:
1. If you meet someone who does not "look their age" to the point where you guess that they are ten years younger than quoted, and they are actually significantly older than you, would you explore a relationship (all other factors being positive-- attraction, personality, etc.) yes
2. Does the gender of this person make a difference? Say you are a straight man and this is a straight woman? What about it you are a straight woman and this is a straight man? What about if you are a gay man or gay woman? no (FWIW, I am a straight male though, who is only romantically-interested in females)
3. What is the upper end of your age limit for dating/relationships compared to your own age? nothing fixed in stone atm, although based on my current age, up to 15 years would seem like a reasonable upper limit
4. Would age be a dealbreaker if you initially assumed your partner was younger than they were, and had this information corrected? no
5. What is your perception of couples who look like there is an age gap? Does this perception change based on the gender of the older person? I don't look at them any differently -- as long as they love each other and all legalities are met I have no problem at all with it
There are lots of threads about age gap relationships and some really biased opinions expressed. I have several friends who are in functional and long lasting relationships with people of significantly different ages, so I thought I would ask the following:
1. If you meet someone who does not "look their age" to the point where you guess that they are ten years younger than quoted, and they are actually significantly older than you, would you explore a relationship (all other factors being positive-- attraction, personality, etc.) Yes-- this has happened to me and I did in fact explore a relationship.
2. Does the gender of this person make a difference? Say you are a straight man and this is a straight woman? What about it you are a straight woman and this is a straight man? What about if you are a gay man or gay woman? It doesn't to me-- I am female however, and have seen other females getting flack for dating someone significantly younger. Typically, the relationship is not seen as a serious one, no matter how long it lasts.
3. What is the upper end of your age limit for dating/relationships compared to your own age? I don't have one.
4. Would age be a dealbreaker if you initially assumed your partner was younger than they were, and had this information corrected? Actually, this happened-- I was older than a person I was dating and they assumed I was their age which was about ten years younger than I was. They were shocked. I never knew they didn't know. they did start to treat me differently.
5. What is your perception of couples who look like there is an age gap? Does this perception change based on the gender of the older person? It really depends on the couple.
1. Yep. It may sound superficial but Experience combined with a youthful appearance is the best of both worlds.
2. Can't speak for Gays or Lesbians but most people I know regardless of sexual leanings are in relationships with people close to their own age.
3. No concrete limit. Experience can have it's own attractiveness.
4. No deal breaker. (See #1)
5. Depends on the person. I was pursuing a much younger woman a couple of years ago who seemed to have her act together. After a while I found she was very judgmental. I was still enamoured with her and ignored the areas of incompatibility. I was fortunate that she broke things off!
OP, what sort of bias do you think has been expressed in other threads?
I have seen it a lot when a woman is dating a younger guy. There was one thread where a poster told another she looked "ridiculous" (mind you these two have never seen one another) and I have several friends in their late 30s and 40s who are dating guys 10-13 years younger who always get flack from family and friends. I am gay, and there is less of an issue with an older guy who dates a younger one, but the cattier among us will roll eyes and make inferences to reclaiming lost youth. In either case, the emphasis is always put on the physical part of the relationship and many can't fathom that a real connection would develop.
As a woman with a much younger man, I would be constantly looking for wrinkles and lines, trying to stay young! I would hate to feel like that.
But, if the guy was 10 years (no more) younger than me and looked quite oldish (not a naturally baby faced guy) and if he was not that good looking.....compared to me, then there would be a balance.
And if there were a CONNECTION......well, I would.....yes, I would! It just depends.
But, people like Demi moore....who went for a guy 17 years younger, who was very very good looking! No way. What happened to Demi was going to happen. He was a good looking guy and he had younger women hitting on him all the time.
Best to stick to someone close to your own age.
But, sometimes it doesnt work out like that.. lifes funny like that.
I think it takes a very secure person to date someone who has significant differences, whether they are age, ability, looks, wealth or whatever. If you need to "balance" by making sure your partner does not score higher than you in one of these categories, you will probably always be uneasy.
I don't think that Demi's relationship was necessarily doomed to failure. They were together for quite awhile, longer than many marriages. That's the rub-- people can be together for 20 years and split and all of a sudden the relationship meant nothing because it ended. Few people of similar age stay together til they die, so I am not sure that its any different for those with an age gap.
If you met someone and they are much older or younger I don't see a lot of problems, assuming you are interested regardless of age. The problem though with age gaps is that it can affect long term relationships when you realize once you get serious you don't have as much on common because of the age. However, when someone seeks much younger in a generic way (like what some do when they refuse to date people their age)that is just asking for trouble.
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