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What cracks me up is that some are reacting so strongly to the prospect of not being needed. Perhaps this is because until just a generation or so ago, marriages relied on dependency--that of the woman on the man--to continue. The man's role was to be needed.
Well, sorry if it offends or hurts, but that's just not how it is anymore. When it comes to keeping a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, no, women do not need men. Sure, it was just ducky for men to be needed, because then they had all the control. They were the ones who dictated what went on in the home, how the kids were raised, how the money was spent (because they were the only ones who earned it), and were "kings of the castle."
Now they actually have to consider their wives' point of view. Now they have to play nice and be fair, because if they don't, their wives can make the choice to leave without fear of either starving or being shamed in society.
The best part is that more often than not, the men who take offense at the thought of not being "needed" are the first to natter on about how they don't need women for anything except for maybe sex and offspring.
I do agree, that in the past women were more or less forced to stay married, due to financial situation and social pressures. On surface it may seem like a great change, but the effect of it is a huge amount of our population growing up in broken homes, which is effecting their lives in many negative ways. Be careful what you consider progress.
Back in the 1930s, almost all people in germany felt that they were at the brink of great progress with the Nazi party coming into power, but history debunked it very quickly. I am thankful to the feminist movement for gender equality they have fought for and it has benefited all of us greatly, but todays feminazi movement no longer has a purpose.
It is a destructive force, which focuses not on being fair and equal but getting even. A notion that either gender is becoming obsolete is nonsensical at best. Its just as misguided, as believing that washing away the gender lines and producing feminine men and masculine women, will somehow change human nature and to things that are attractive to both genders. Good luck with that.
As is your lack of reading comprehension, notably the words "subset" and "segment." But look, I can use boldface and underline, too! I can even use color! You know, because us gals are so good with decorating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
As Bill Maher notes, a certain subset of men have become useless. I think he's right.
It's not that women have gotten more masculine. It's that a segment of the male population is lost. They haven't adapted to the new world order of relationships. I often kid around about how men need to make themselves useful before they become obsolete, but there's some truth in that jest. They need to find their place in a world where women no longer need them for food and shelter. They have to find other ways to appeal, and they have to find other roles than that of provider and protector. I suggest "partner," but that's soooooooo rad-fem of me.
Frankly, I don't know what the issue is for some of these guys. To my thinking, it's better to be wanted than needed. But I'm just independent that way. I don't need someone to be dependent on me to feel loved.
That assumes that across the board, women agree with those blog writers and want marriage and family. There are just as many blogs written by women who never wanted those things, and who seek to provide a voice for those of like mind. It's still considered unusual for a woman not to want marriage and kids, although the stigma is slowly but surely falling by the wayside.
Also, I don't think men are as inclined to write blogs about what they might consider to be personal failures. Women tend to write blogs to get things off their chests and to get support from a community of readers. It's seen as okay for women to express their feelings and seek support, but not men. Not saying that's fair. It's actually not fair at all. But that if a man wants marriage and a family and doesn't have them, he might not be any more compelled to share that with the world than he would if he went bankrupt or couldn't hold a job.
No, there really are not equal numbers of blogs by single older women who want a husband and/or family and those who don't. Not even close. You would do better to make the argument that people are more likely to complain online rather than discuss how happy they are with their status quo. That is a possible reason for the discrepancy.
And men most certainly do express their feelings and seek support online too, in the same numbers as women. But they are discussing how to better get laid. And how to make more money. etc.
If a man 35+ wants a marriage and family he can easily get it. For a woman it's harder. That's the truth. I wish older women would admit to this truth so that younger women can make a decision based on facts instead of pollyanna nonsense. Let's stop duping the younger ones. Let them know all of the costs so that they can make a proper decision.
While I'm sure many wont believe me based on what they've inferred from my posts, I am in fact attracted to independent women. But I draw the line when my SO starts telling me what to do, especially when comes to decisions and lifestyle choices I've made that are consistent with my personal happiness. Better to be single and live peacefully than to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't like the way you live your life, or who you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis agrotera
So a strong, independent woman is attractive to you, just not a bossy, over bearing one
(Telling a partner how to live or trying to change who they are is not a "strong woman")
I think you'd find most people have the same feelings/thoughts
What Artemis said. Nowadays, I think most people of either gender feel that way.
However, I'll add that again, until recently, men did tell women what to do, especially within marriage. It's in living memory, as that was the kind of marriage my mother and women of her generation had. Well, up until she and her girlfriends decided to go to work. And not to get all political up in here, but some men are still trying to tell women what to do, what with their proposed restrictions on reproductive choice. That's why I'm not so fast to disclaim the title of "feminist."
And with that, I have to step away. It's Date Night, and I have to pick out my outfit and do my hair and make-up.
I am not offended at all. I don't even have a dog in the "fight" that is this thread. I find it an interesting discussion though, so here I am.
Someday you will miss the woman you derisively call a "girly girl", mark my words. That's why I happily do the things my mother enjoys, instead of complaining about her online and getting drunk.
I personally can live through a crap movie every now and again. To each his own.
Ah, no, my bad. You're not offended. You're determined to find the ugly in everything. I forgot that was your superpower.
You know nothing about my relationship with my mother or that I was belittled, berated and humiliated for years because I wasn't her mini-me. My friends used to wonder how I didn't break down in tears with the stuff she used to say to me - I didn't, because I thought that was just how mothers talked to their daughters. You know, normal.
The best was the one time my world was falling down around me, and she told me she couldn't help me. When I absolutely, hands down needed her to back me up, she walked away because the situation was "unpleasant." Then didn't understand why I didn't want to talk to her while I was putting everything back together. Oooh, then there was the time she used my true biological parentage as a way to try to drive a wedge between me and my father. That was particularly fun as it coincided with the deaths of my best friend and her mother.
I've spent years working on having a functional relationship with a woman who cannot bear any sort of criticism and thinks admission of fault will bring her world collapsing down around her. However, she has, finally, now that she is no longer married to my father, gotten over the idea that I am supposed to be her own personal sequel.
So yeah, when she tells me she's broke and not sure if she can keep her house, then goes and drops a couple hundred on a new necklace or a couple thousand on a cruise with her friends, I'm not so thrilled with her. Or when I walk in her closet and see rack upon rack of blouses with the tags still attached.
So don't preach to me about being sad when she's gone or whatever. I love my mother and value our relationship, because if I didn't I would've just taken the ultimate revenge and walked away entirely. And no one who knows me and her would've blamed me. Instead I chose to work on the relationship, even though "functional" and that woman parted ways a long time ago.
What Artemis said. Nowadays, I think most people of either gender feel that way.
However, I'll add that again, until recently, men did tell women what to do, especially within marriage. It's in living memory, as that was the kind of marriage my mother and women of her generation had. Well, up until she and her girlfriends decided to go to work. And not to get all political up in here, but some men are still trying to tell women what to do, what with their proposed restrictions on reproductive choice. That's why I'm not so fast to disclaim the title of "feminist."
And with that, I have to step away. It's Date Night, and I have to pick out my outfit and do my hair and make-up.
We are on the same schedule, as I am about to shower and get it together myself. Enjoy your date!
This has nothing to do with Romantic Relationship. Gender bashing IS NOT ALLOWED..
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And not to get all political up in here, but some men are still trying to tell women what to do, what with their proposed restrictions on reproductive choice. That's why I'm not so fast to disclaim the title of "feminist."
