Fiance wants to quit job and make 1/3 of current salary
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Technically, this issue isn't about staying at home to take care of children. It's about a woman, whom the op's friend thought was career oriented, wanting to quit her high paying job so that she can start a business at home. That business has the potential of someday making $30k a year. I'm wondering if there isn't a lot of assumptions going on here and this couple never actually discussed finances. I think they need to postpone the wedding and see if they can resolve these issues.
They definitely need to discuss the details (preferably with an accountant, to get some realistic numbers), and probably with a pre-marriage counselor, before they get married. But we don't know how long the engagement is for. If it's a year-long engagement, they may have plenty of time.
I missed the news that she wants to do this home business of her own. He says it's a hobby she wants to turn into a business, and it would be viable? That would take care of the daycare issue, so they'd be saving on daycare costs. That still doesn't mean it's do-able overall, taking into account his wish to retire early, and her wish for a house. Not to mention the cost of raising kids. And who's going to pay for their higher education? Oh well.
Maybe the real question is: how many years would she have to keep working at her current job in order to afford this dream, or some semblance of it? An accountant could help them figure that out, if she's even open to staying at her job. I'm getting the impression that she's taking a lot for granted. She needs to take responsibility for creating the conditions to realize her own dream.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 02-04-2013 at 09:55 PM..
The OP never mentioned what type of work she wants to do, whether it is from home, whether she sees it lasting, whether she wants to be a SAHM. The issue seemed to be strictly that she wouldn't be bringing home as much money as she is now. All the rest of the conversation is just assumption.
Well, at least now that she got her expectations out in the open, there's some hope of avoiding a bad marriage. At least the groom has been forewarned.
The OP never mentioned what type of work she wants to do, whether it is from home, whether she sees it lasting, whether she wants to be a SAHM. The issue seemed to be strictly that she wouldn't be bringing home as much money as she is now. All the rest of the conversation is just assumption.
He did mention that it was a hobby that she wanted to do as a business from home and that the earning potential would start out at 20k and probably max out at 30k. He didn't want to go into any more detail than that.
Would it be fair for him to tell his fiance that he wants her to contribute more than 20k?
Your "friends" sound very immature.
Marriage is supposed to mean you are in for the long haul. There is not one consistent situation, as life fluctuates. Two people who are committed will support one another throughout the ups and downs and not think "what's in it for me?"
When my husband and I married, he was still working on his PhD. I was the only one pulling an income. During this time, we had a kid. Then he wrapped up his studies and we both continued full time. Then he went to law school and I went back to being the sole bread-winner and we had two more kids. Once he graduated, we both worked full time. I've been able to telecommute, and as such have juggled kids schedules, etc. He's in the Reserves and has had to do training at times for months. I've taken time off to work on writing a book.
The point is that nothing is consistent. We support each other's quest for happiness and no one is taking score as to what's "fair".
What? Nobody has yet started the "name that first child" tangent? Surely it must be getting close now that we've gone from 'barefoot and pregnant and white picket fence' to 'Mrs Armitage's Homesteading Manual'? By the time I get back to this thread and a dozen pages more, I'll be immensely disappointed if no name decision has been made - at least for the first child.
How disappointing. Almost got there with the discussion about the pros and cons of children having SAHMs. How about Archibald if the first born is a boy and T'wakaNeShiloh if a girl?
Life is about sacrifices. If she wants the big house and the kids, she has to give up the nonprofit/humanitarian dream (at least until the kids are in school or gone). If she wants to do the nonprofit/humanitarian thing, she should let go of the dream of having kids.
Eh. I've worked in nonprofit/humanitarian fields for a long time, and jobs in these fields are certainfly filled by many people who can afford to have families. I don't think it's accurate at all to say that if you want to work for a nonprofit or similar, you are making the choice to not have a family. Compromises can be made in a lot of areas, but plenty of people work modestly paying but fulfilling jobs and still manage to raise children. Taking a lower paying job (not that all jobs in these sectors are low-paying, although for the sake of the discussion at hand, we're talking about a person who is looking at making a modest income, regardless of what field it's in) obviously limits your choices on where you can afford to live, cost-of-living-wise, and requires that you will make various sacrifices, but sacrifices are made no matter your choices. It's just a matter of finding what works for you. The only thing that really matters in this situation is whether or not the couple are on the same page. If they're not, nothing else is going to matter.
20k is not a reasonable salary for a full-time position.
She'll have to face the fact that if she gets this, she may not get everything else she wants (house, etc).
Maybe she needs a reality check. They should deduct a third of her paycheck every month from now on (to savings) and see how it affects their standard of living.
Wake up and smell the reality. Many people make that kind of money working a full time job.
My friend is newly engaged, and has been seeing his fiance for over three years now. They're both busy professionals, and have discussed marriage along with wanting to have kids sometime in the next 3-5 years.
But, over the past few months, she's been hinting that she wants to quit her current job making about 65k for a job she really wants to do instead, but that job makes at best 20k. It sounds like her current job isn't great, and she hasn't advanced too much in the time she's been there, but from what I gather it isn't stressful and there could be some major advancement opportunities down the road if she sticks with it (like making 100k+). My friend does make about 100k but they live in an expensive area so it doesn't go that far.
She's has made it clear she does not want to raise kids in an apartment, which means buying a house, and he more or less agrees for those reasons as well as others. But single family homes in their area start at 500-600k.
My friend is a bit taken back that most of the financial burden will now be placed on him. He likes his job but there are obviously other careers he'd love to do, and he had even planned to save a substantial amount of his income to retire early. And heck, he has some other goals with his income.
Would it be fair for him to tell his fiance that he wants her to contribute more than 20k?
Bad idea, if she gives up her career for a lower paying one for the marriage than he is going to get killed in the divorce, she will hit him for alimony for all that lost potential pay. He better get out quick.
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