Fiance wants to quit job and make 1/3 of current salary (engagement, friend)
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Haha, no my kids have never wished/wanted to go to summer or sports camps. They get enough extra-curricular activities by choice. They don't want to be forced to go. However, I needed them to go to summer camp a few weeks over the summer so they went.
They are already asking me if they HAVE to go this summer. They are dreading it already.
So you're in the boat that kids need a SAHM? I have to disagree as a kid whose parents did not stay home with us. I appreciate the experiences I had, the places I got to go and the people I got to meet. I dont feel I missed out on anything.
So you're in the boat that kids need a SAHM? I have to disagree as a kid whose parents did not stay home with us. I appreciate the experiences I had, the places I got to go and the people I got to meet. I dont feel I missed out on anything.
My mom stayed home with me until I was around 4. Then she went back to work.
I don't have kids yet, but personally I'd rather stay home with the kids than go to work, if possible. Of course I don't particularly enjoy the work I do so it'd be easy to give it up.
My mom stayed home with me until I was around 4. Then she went back to work.
I don't have kids yet, but personally I'd rather stay home with the kids than go to work, if possible. Of course I don't particularly enjoy the work I do so it'd be easy to give it up.
I completely understand that. Some women want to be SAHM. Others want to have a full time career. I don't think kids suffer from having a mother whose ambitions are outside the household though.
I completely understand that. Some women want to be SAHM. Others want to have a full time career. I don't think kids suffer from having a mother whose ambitions are outside the household though.
Kids benefit from moms who have careers outside the home. The boys experience a world in which it's normal for moms to work, and even to excel, depending on the job mom has. Girls have a great role model. This is not to say that kids with a SAHM lose out in some way. It's only to say that there are advantages to both. Each set-up has its own unique benefits.
I have a friend who's a uni professor, and she raised 3 girls with her husband, who's also in academia. No one's career suffered, the kids certainly didn't suffer. All of them got a chance to live in China during one of mom's research trips or lecture tours there, and they had other international experiences, too (the last one to finish HS is spending her junior year in Brazil, through a foreign exchange program). The oldest one is married and is some high-powered medical researcher with a PhD (who has done an internship in China). The middle one just completed an MA. They're all multi-lingual, and heavily into science. These aren't kids who were deprived of mom's (or dad's) company, love or guidance.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 02-04-2013 at 07:56 PM..
So you're in the boat that kids need a SAHM? I have to disagree as a kid whose parents did not stay home with us. I appreciate the experiences I had, the places I got to go and the people I got to meet. I dont feel I missed out on anything.
Nope, I don't believe that ALL kids need a SAHP. I do think there are kids that need a SAHP and there are those kids that would benefit from a daycare environment instead. Unfortunately, sometimes it isn't a choice for the parents. That is when I think the child gets the short end of the stick; when a child is forced into a situation they do not benefit from. It's why having a plan is so important and why I suggested the OP's friends at least discuss/consider their options before they have kids.
Here's my take on the SAHP issue as it pertains to the OP. I think that having the option of having a SAHP is always a good thing. Before I had my son - I had no idea if I was going to want to get back to auditioning for shows right after he was born or if I was going to want to take a break. Turns out - I LOVE taking care of my son and really don't want to have someone else take care of him right now. We had the option of me being a SAHM - and my husband actually prefers it, although he'd support me no matter what my decision was. I don't think it's unreasonable for a woman (or a man but in this case it's the woman) to want to be a SAHM. And to be fair - the OP never talked about whether or not this was even something the fiancee wants. However, it's not always possible and it has to be something that both parents are in agreement on. But I don't see it as some heinous crime that a woman would want to be a SAHM.
"Camp" by today's standards really sucks. No wonder kids don't want to do it. This involves mom dropping you off in the morning and then picking you up at 5pm. That's not camp. When I was a kid in the 80's we drove 6 hours to camp and lived there for a month. Forgot we even had parents. By the time they were done with me I was a leather working master, made out with 6 girls in the bushes, and could take down a cow with a bow and arrow. Spent the whole summer in a lake full of leeches. That's real camp!
My friend is a bit taken back that most of the financial burden will now be placed on him. He likes his job but there are obviously other careers he'd love to do, and he had even planned to save a substantial amount of his income to retire early. And heck, he has some other goals with his income.
Would it be fair for him to tell his fiance that he wants her to contribute more than 20k?
I am not very sure this is a question about if it is fair.
With all these requirement, kids have to raised in a house, not an apartment, fiancee wants to only make 20k instead of 65k, how can these couple pull it off is my question?
I mean it is understandable for this fiancee wanted to quit her job and pursue her true happiness in the career field, but she has to be realistic here, can this man provide? Will he be happy to be the sole bread winner in the family?
I know a guy who relocated for his fiancee. He quit his job in bay area and found a new job in another state where his fiancee was at the time. After they got a divorce, he still ***** and moan about it. So it is very obvious he was never okay with the "sacrifices". If he addressed the issue, he wouldn't have been so miserable. Your friend needs to talk to his finacee about his concerns. It does not hurt to communicate you know.
Technically, this issue isn't about staying at home to take care of children. It's about a woman, whom the op's friend thought was career oriented, wanting to quit her high paying job so that she can start a business at home. That business has the potential of someday making $30k a year. I'm wondering if there isn't a lot of assumptions going on here and this couple never actually discussed finances. I think they need to postpone the wedding and see if they can resolve these issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious
Why would a friend be so hyperintersted in her friend's personal life - to the extent that she would post about the friend on a forum?
Why not stick to your own life?
He was asked for his opinion.
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