Fiance wants to quit job and make 1/3 of current salary (couple, partner)
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I really think we need more info on her career aspirations. I highly doubt she would choose a career that pays less than minimum wage for life. Is it something where she may start out that low, but will garner higher pay as she gets experience/training?
To answer some the your questions, its not minimum wage, but about $10/hour I think. It isn't retail/fast food or some type of nonprofit/humanitarian work, but more of a hobby she does anyway that she wants to do as a job. I know some other people who do what she wants to do, and her income could grow with time with additional schooling/certificates to maybe high 20's-low 30's.
He has more than 100k saved up for a down payment on a house, so in reality, the mortage payment + taxes will probably be similar for what they're paying to rent an apartment, maybe a few hundred more.
And for the peole that think I'm a busy body, hardly. He brought it up to me, and although I have my opinions, I kept them to myself. And I don't plan to say anything to him again unless he asks, and it'll probably be to tell him to get some marriage counseling.
To answer some the your questions, its not minimum wage, but about $10/hour I think. It isn't retail/fast food or some type of nonprofit/humanitarian work, but more of a hobby she does anyway that she wants to do as a job. I know some other people who do what she wants to do, and her income could grow with time with additional schooling/certificates to maybe high 20's-low 30's.
He has more than 100k saved up for a down payment on a house, so in reality, the mortage payment + taxes will probably be similar for what they're paying to rent an apartment, maybe a few hundred more.
And for the peole that think I'm a busy body, hardly. He brought it up to me, and although I have my opinions, I kept them to myself. And I don't plan to say anything to him again unless he asks, and it'll probably be to tell him to get some marriage counseling.
It's great when people can chase their dream job with no fears. It is another when their family depends on them too, and they have to balance their goals and dreams with their other wants, desires, and obligations.
If he isn't happy with her doing that, then they have a problem. If he is content being the primary breadwinner, and having less disposable income as a family, to allow her to chase her dream job, then there is not much of a problem.
Yeah, sorry for caring about a good friend. I haven't given him any advice for selfish reason - I dont want to be blamed for anything that may happen. Apparently you've never had someone confide in you and ask for advice.
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Originally Posted by JanND
Butt out. They need to be the ones who decide any relationship issues. You need to be a friend, and only help when asked.
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Originally Posted by steelstress
Why is everyone telling the OP not to be "up their butts", "mind your own business," and to "butt out" when all that happened was his buddy asked for his opinion/advice on the situation. I don't see the OP making any decisions for them. Can't you people read AND comprehend at the same time? It's not that hard. Try it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smarterguy
And for the peole that think I'm a busy body, hardly. He brought it up to me, and although I have my opinions, I kept them to myself. And I don't plan to say anything to him again unless he asks, and it'll probably be to tell him to get some marriage counseling.
Indeed, before getting all snippily sanctimonious, reading's a pretty good idea! If you can't be bothered to do so then don't respond.
Life is about sacrifices. If she wants the big house and the kids, she has to give up the nonprofit/humanitarian dream (at least until the kids are in school or gone). If she wants to do the nonprofit/humanitarian thing, she should let go of the dream of having kids.
Doing both because she wants to, without regard for what it will do to her financial situation and more importantly, he relationship with her fiance/husband-is the epitome of SELFISH.
It's great when people can chase their dream job with no fears. It is another when their family depends on them too, and they have to balance their goals and dreams with their other wants, desires, and obligations.
If he isn't happy with her doing that, then they have a problem. If he is content being the primary breadwinner, and having less disposable income as a family, to allow her to chase her dream job, then there is not much of a problem.
the above is pretty much the best advice the OP can give to his friend.
My friend is newly engaged, and has been seeing his fiance for over three years now. They're both busy professionals, and have discussed marriage along with wanting to have kids sometime in the next 3-5 years.
But, over the past few months, she's been hinting that she wants to quit her current job making about 65k for a job she really wants to do instead, but that job makes at best 20k. It sounds like her current job isn't great, and she hasn't advanced too much in the time she's been there, but from what I gather it isn't stressful and there could be some major advancement opportunities down the road if she sticks with it (like making 100k+). My friend does make about 100k but they live in an expensive area so it doesn't go that far.
She's has made it clear she does not want to raise kids in an apartment, which means buying a house, and he more or less agrees for those reasons as well as others. But single family homes in their area start at 500-600k.
My friend is a bit taken back that most of the financial burden will now be placed on him. He likes his job but there are obviously other careers he'd love to do, and he had even planned to save a substantial amount of his income to retire early. And heck, he has some other goals with his income.
Would it be fair for him to tell his fiance that he wants her to contribute more than 20k?
No.
If men want to be the head of the household then they should have no problem with shouldering the financial responsibility of taking care of the family.
Why is this even a question?
If he has a problem with the idea of supporting her then she should not marry him. He will obviously resent her sooner or later.
If men want to be the head of the household then they should have no problem with shouldering the financial responsibility of taking care of the family.
Why is this even a question?
If he has a problem with the idea of supporting her then she should not marry him. He will obviously resent her sooner or later.
The definitive word here is IF (men want to be head of the household). Many men today embrace marriage as a partnership and not as a male-dominated support relationship.
If men want to be the head of the household then they should have no problem with shouldering the financial responsibility of taking care of the family.
Why is this even a question?
If he has a problem with the idea of supporting her then she should not marry him. He will obviously resent her sooner or later.
Where does this generalization come into this specific situation?
It sounds to me like they have made plans and goals for their marriage that will take a certain amount of income. They have done so based on their present income. Now, she is proposing a drastic reduction to what she will be able to contribute towards those mutually shared goals.
He has every right to ask her to contribute what was expected in the first place.
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