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The long answer behind the short answer: When people are vocal about their opposition to something, it's usually because they have had a bad experience with it themselves, they fear it, they want it but are afraid they'll never have it (so it's easier to declare it evil), they feel threatened by it somehow, or they just want to be rude, ruffle feathers, and get some attention for themselves.
That's really all it is. Those who are secure in their lives and lifestyles don't feel compelled to denigrate the choices others make.
That seems to be the feeling I'm getting from this thread.
I can't be the only person on the planet to have met and dated people with character and dignity.
I mean, seriously?
I asked my husband a few weeks ago if he thought happy marriages like our were really that rare. He said, "Of course not!"
We know a lot of happily married people. And, yes - I know that people are going to now tell me that I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Well - then that goes both ways and maybe all these "miserable" couples people talk about aren't really that miserable. But point being - we are surrounded by great people in happy marriages. You'd think that the divorce rate was 100% by the way people talk about it on CD!
The case where there are no kids but the ex is still paying alimony is very common in many states. In fact, in Colorado, the majority of the alimony situations do not involve minor children. Children have no bearing on whether alimony is awarded.
That is very wrong and there is no reason why someone should be awarded alimony without minor kids. I can sort of understand in the cases where the spouses were older and one of them didn't work but am willing to bet this is the exception. I am willing to bet in cases without kids one of the spouses was too lazy to work (and let's be honest there is no reason not to work if there are no kids)or the other spouse was underemployed. I can imagine most of these cases were situations where the higher income spouse was supporting a dead weight, got tired of them, then divorced only to pay alimony. I knew a couple of people in these situations and none ever remarried (and who could blame them?).
Figure 4 is the percentage of people in a marriage that consider it to be "happy." The chart shows a decline over the past few decades, especially for men over the last 10-15.
On divorce, the lifetime probability of being divorced, it says, lies in the 40 to 50 percent range. That said, it also notes the rate of divorce per 1000 marriages peaked in the early 1980's, and has retreated some since then.
So there is that 50% figure.
Yet the study goes more in depth, and shows for many people, their "chance" at divorce is much less than 50/50.
Annual income over 50K reduces the risk of divorce by 30%. (Finances do matter)
Having a baby after being married 7 months or more, reduces the risk 24%. (marrying for the right reasons matter, and getting someone pregnant may not be the right reason to marry)
First being married over 25 years of age reduces the risk 24%.
Having parents who did not divorce lowers it 14%
Having a religious affiliation reduces it 14%
Being college educated reduces it 25% (probably factoring into the finances situation I suspect)
I guess my point is, painting with a broad brush of "50%" is disengenuous to the particulars and realities of marriages in the real world.
So here's what I don't get. Why are so many people so anti-marriage to the point that they think that nobody should ever get married and they can't wait for it to die out (which I highly doubt it will). I understand not wanting to get married - I really do. We all want different things out of life. But while I don't think that EVERYONE should get married - I don't understand why some people seem to think that NOBODY should get married. Why not just do what's best for you and let others do what's best for them? Some people really love being married. I don't see what the big deal is. Can anyone explain all the hatred about something that is not mandatory?
My problem with marriage is not the idea itself, but the dishonesty surrounding it. Between the divorce rate and the number of people who stay unhappily married, at best marriage is a 50-50 proposition, and the real odds are probably far worse. So let's quit pretending that this is the path to a happy and normal life, because for most people it isn't.
I now believe that marriage often sabotages men's lives by design.
My problem with marriage is not the idea itself, but the dishonesty surrounding it. Between the divorce rate and the number of people who stay unhappily married, at best marriage is a 50-50 proposition, and the real odds are probably far worse. So let's quit pretending that this is the path to a happy and normal life, because for most people it isn't.
I now believe that marriage often sabotages men's lives by design.
Well, it was the path to a wonderful life for my parents, my husband's parents, my husband and I, and many more people that I know. I'm sorry you feel this way - but don't you think that everyone should do what makes them happy? And for some people that IS marriage.
Can anyone explain all the hatred about something that is not mandatory?
This is just my opinion, of course. I think that some people get married, then:
get comfortable
start taking each other for granted
start expecting that they want is more important than what the other person wants
start thinking that they "deserve" more than the other person
it gets to be a power play
forget that they are supposed to work together
forget that it isn't always fun and games
don't realize that there are low times and high times
don't communicate with the other person
take advantage of the other person
So after living like that, they hate their lives and rather than try to fix it, they get a divorce (and/or a SO outside of the relationship), which makes things even uglier and more unpleasant.
the only divorces i have known have all involved people who already had issues relating to others. all the others have been happy, strong and still going well into the double digits.
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