Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And what made you come to these conclusions? I don't know anyone in real life who holds these views - so I'm curious as to what it was that caused you to have such a negative view on marriage and other people's marriages? Surely you don't believe that every married man was forced into getting married - do you?
I believe that if every man truly had a choice, to either stay free or get married, most men would choose to stay stay. A lot of men are shamed into getting married because once you reach a certain age and are still single people assume you're gay, which isn't the case. Men value freedom. Some men are realizing now though they are allowed break away from the herd and don't need to follow the script to please everyone else. Marriage just doesn't have any benefits for men.
I believe that if every man truly had a choice, to either stay free or get married, most men would choose to stay stay. A lot of men are shamed into getting married because once you reach a certain age and are still single people assume you're gay, which isn't the case. Men value freedom. Some men are realizing now though they are allowed break away from the herd and don't need to follow the script to please everyone else. Marriage just doesn't have any benefits for men.
I'm still not understanding what makes you think this. Is it because you feel this way so you assume all men feel this way? Getting married was really important to my husband. I've asked him before if he would have been okay just living together forever but not getting married and he said no way. He loves our family. My father was the same way. In fact, I know lots of men in real life who love being married - some even had to get their wives to settle down and not the other way around. I think sometimes people think that because they feel a certain way - that must be how EVERYONE feels. I certainly do not think that ALL men want to get married - but I know that at least SOME do.
I always say this though: most men don't propose/marry willingly. They are bribed, blackmailed, or shamed into doing it because they think either it's what everyone else is doing or they want to feel mature. I know a lot of men who were actually drunk when they proposed and then regretted it. Men these days have been brainwashed into thinking that you' can't be free and happy forever, so you have to sign the contract and get married eventually. But you don't have to choose that life.
How on Earth did you come to this? Why would a man spend a crap load of money on a ring/wedding and commit himself for the rest of his life if he didn't actively want to?
Social pressure might get someone to take another shot of vodka or wear a trendy shirt, but should never ever persuade anyone to make such a huge huge commitment. I know the social pressure is there, but I think almost every human being realizes that the gravity is the situation is much too large to be influenced by their nagging aunt.
And what is it that caused you to have these negative views of marriage? Like I said before - I can understand feeling that it is not the right path for you - but it's hard for me to understand thinking so negatively of other people's choices - even those that are happy.
I don't look down on anyone for choosing not to get married. And in my real life, I never encounter such bitterness and hostility as the people express here. I'm just trying to understand what would cause this - especially in people who aren't married or divorced.
I think people who are so hostile towards marriage need to feel that way so they can be in the right. It's like blaming all women/men for being horrible when a guy/girl can't get a date. It's pointing the finger at the whole and not the individual to avoid blame/acceptance of the real issue.
And what is it that caused you to have these negative views of marriage? Like I said before - I can understand feeling that it is not the right path for you - but it's hard for me to understand thinking so negatively of other people's choices - even those that are happy.
I don't look down on anyone for choosing not to get married. And in my real life, I never encounter such bitterness and hostility as the people express here. I'm just trying to understand what would cause this - especially in people who aren't married or divorced.
I dont lok down on those who are married, its their life and their choice to make. But assuming only 25% of married couples are truly happy in their marriage, why would any sane person take those odds. Here is the deal. My parents have been married for close to 50 years, and i truly respect them for it. However, the dating world and the social environemnt in general was completely different back when they got married. If I ever meet a woman Im attracted to and fall in love with, who would be willing to put in 1/10th of the effort to make a marriage work, as my parents have for the last 50 years, I would marry her within a week. But this woman does not exist and never will. As such, im not willing to ruin my life by participating in an outdated ritual that has zero benefits for myself. People are entirely too selfish, too egotistical and too self-serving for marriage to be worth a damn anymore.
A good video on explaining why modern men may opt out of the institution of marriage.
I didn't watch the whole thing - maybe I will later - but I guess this just isn't what I see in my social circle. In my real life - most of my friends got married in their late 20's, early 30's - and the majority of them were truly in love. And most of the men really wanted to get married - they were really excited about it. And I just don't see marriage as being something that the men that I know aren't interested in - if anything, I'd say they are taking it seriously and waiting until they find the right person. And since I've had many men interested in marrying me - and since most of my friends are very attractive - it's hard for me to understand thinking that women have turned into ugly she-beasts.
I don't know. It just seems so strange to me that there are so many people on CD railing against marriage when all the people I know in real life don't feel that way.
I dont lok down on those who are married, its their life and their choice to make. But assuming only 25% of married couples are truly happy in their marriage, why would any sane person take those odds. Here is the deal. My parents have been married for close to 50 years, and i truly respect them for it. However, the dating world and the social environemnt in general was completely different back when they got married. If I ever meet a woman Im attracted to and fall in love with, who would be willing to put in 1/10th of the effort to make a marriage work, as my parents have for the last 50 years, I would marry her within a week. But this woman does not exist and never will. As such, im not willing to ruin my life by participating in an outdated ritual that has zero benefits for myself. People are entirely too selfish, too egotistical and too self-serving for marriage to be worth a damn anymore.
Honestly - I think women like that do exist. I know that I'm like that. My marriage is so important to me - we don't even look at divorce as an option. But with your attitude towards women - I'm not sure that a woman like that would be interested in you. That wasn't meant as an insult - although I'm sure it came out that way - but simply, you talk about flirting with other women in front of your girlfriend, you talk about how you don't trust women because we aren't trustworthy, you say all these derogatory things about women - so I'm not sure why you would expect a woman to want to put all their heart into a relationship with you when you obviously don't do the same.
My family is THE most important thing to me and I pour my heart and soul into make our home and family as happy and cared for as possible.
I don't understand why some people seem to think that NOBODY should get married. Why not just do what's best for you and let others do what's best for them?
I am neither pro/con marriage. It works for some, not for others. But possible answers to your question are bolded below:
Maybe because they've had bad experiences and they then generalize their personal experiences to every one else's unique, individual situation. They are the opposite of open-minded thinkers. I tend to not associate with these kind of people IRL - not the people who don't want to get married, but the people who pontificate that no one should ever get married because they have it all figured out.
They tend to be the people who immediately think they know all the answers without accepting alternate opinions. These are the same type of people who think you shouldn't start a business because it will likely fail (50%+ failure rate!), or you shouldn't major in something because you'll never find a job, etc. Judgmentalnaysayers are not my type of people, but I am happily married, with a "useless" major, running a business that was projected to fail...
They also tend to try to justify their thought processes with hard "statistics" such as their fast fact of "50% end in divorce." When logical posters point out that these risks (like any other risks, such as starting a business or scuba diving) are mitigated by things like preparedness, age, wealth, education level, health of body/mind, the anti-marriage posters are not able to objectively process this information in the light of their own bad experiences. They just keep hammering on about the 50% statistic.
They also often do not accept culpability for their own shortcomings, so they blame the "system" (marriage, the govt. etc.). E.g. Instead of saying, "I was young and made some mistakes, I had a lot of growing to do and picked the wrong person" they say things like "I was married for 25 years so I KNOW, for everyone, sex dwindles to nothing and couples just sit around watching TV and getting fat." These people may have also lived sheltered lives with exposure to limited types of people (e.g. other unhappy, sedentary people, in unhappy marriages).
Honestly - I think women like that do exist. I know that I'm like that. My marriage is so important to me - we don't even look at divorce as an option. But with your attitude towards women - I'm not sure that a woman like that would be interested in you. That wasn't meant as an insult - although I'm sure it came out that way - but simply, you talk about flirting with other women in front of your girlfriend, you talk about how you don't trust women because we aren't trustworthy, you say all these derogatory things about women - so I'm not sure why you would expect a woman to want to put all their heart into a relationship with you when you obviously don't do the same.
My family is THE most important thing to me and I pour my heart and soul into make our home and family as happy and cared for as possible.
Blaming the women, like I figured.
There are plenty of good women out there. Just have to be able to attract them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
