Marriage - I don't get this... (man, Valentines, statistics, child support)
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Showing my age but I want to repeat what was touched on earlier: when it became socially acceptable to have (multiple in some cases) children out of marriage the idea/concept/reason for marriage started to disappear.
I've had students who have had a kid every year from 8th grade through Senior year and their parents haven't blinked. I've also had high achieving, high aspiration students get pregnant right out of high school who've spent the next decade trying to figure out what happened to all their plans. This would include the boys who were the sperm donors, too.
Yep. What gets me sick about this whole trend is that we as a society are supposed to accept it. I ALWAYS get attacked when I state no way would I ever date a man with multiple out of wedlock children and that I consider him trash. I think the same of women too with multiple out of wedlock kids. We can all pretend that these kids will grow up okay but way too many will end up in gangs, on welfare or repeating the same pattern.
So here's what I don't get. Why are so many people so anti-marriage to the point that they think that nobody should ever get married and they can't wait for it to die out (which I highly doubt it will). I understand not wanting to get married - I really do. We all want different things out of life. But while I don't think that EVERYONE should get married - I don't understand why some people seem to think that NOBODY should get married. Why not just do what's best for you and let others do what's best for them? Some people really love being married. I don't see what the big deal is. Can anyone explain all the hatred about something that is not mandatory?
There is a very, very, VERY simple explanation for it.
There is even ONE single word in the dictionary for it:
HOSTILITY
The true test of someone who doesn't believe in marriage, is if its out of what they dont have/cant get or bitterness. There are some of us who find it outdated and not in human nature to be with one partner monogamously for life and its not out of circumstances. There are some people who have had good relationships, who are in good relationships, who have had good examples of healthy relationships in their lives. Those people who are happy living in cohabitation without the need for papers, rings and ceremonies.
Watch out for the ones who are scorned. They normally just rant out of bitterness. I ignore those people...they have no basis besides the girl/guy who screwed them over. **yawn**
Watch out for the ones who are scorned. They normally just rant out of bitterness. I ignore those people...they have no basis besides the girl/guy who screwed them over. **yawn**
Bitterness is socially crippling for many. Their high school boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on them so now they think polygamy is a sociological imperative. Then they go around preaching it on mountain high, while all the happily married people just sit back and laugh to themselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Mostly afraid and they transform their fear into angry righteousness.
I believe that marriage is one of the cornerstones of society, but I speak out against people marrying in Colorado every chance I get, because I have seen too many people (men AND women) be totally raped by the "Family Law" system here. We need a marriage strike (which is actually what is happening), to get the legislators to finally wake up and realize that people are choosing not to marry because they have made divorce too painful and onerous.
Children need fathers and mothers, and if the father and mother split, that doesn't mean the father or the mother should be marginalized out of the child's life by stupid child custody laws that favor one side over the other.
People who divorce need to be *divorced*, not tied together financially by ridiculous alimony laws. Lifetime alimony is common in Colorado.
Until things change, people will still be wondering why the marriage rate is dropping like a rock - the reason is staring them in the face.
What about a prenup?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
Yep. What gets me sick about this whole trend is that we as a society are supposed to accept it. I ALWAYS get attacked when I state no way would I ever date a man with multiple out of wedlock children and that I consider him trash. I think the same of women too with multiple out of wedlock kids. We can all pretend that these kids will grow up okay but way too many will end up in gangs, on welfare or repeating the same pattern.
You get attacked because you call other people trash. I don't think it's a great idea for a guy to go around having kids by different women, but whatever. I have enough of my own problems to worry about other people are doing. Everyone should do what is right for them and stop looking around and passing judgment on what everyone else is doing.
If people want to get married then that's fine. It's the same if someone told me they wanted to go play in traffic. Please do and don't cry to me if you suffer because of your choice. I hate the institution and the idea that I am dead as an individual. I'm all for people doing what they please no matter stupid the idea is to me. I'm better than that and I deserve better than being a married individual.
You get attacked because you call other people trash. I don't think it's a great idea for a guy to go around having kids by different women, but whatever. I have enough of my own problems to worry about other people are doing. Everyone should do what is right for them and stop looking around and passing judgment on what everyone else is doing.
People with multiple babies out of wedlock by multiple people ARE trash and I make no bones about it. I am not a politically correct person by saying we all have worth when we don't. Someone who pays taxes and is a law abiding citizen is worth more than someone who makes babies while on welfare and refusing to work. Yes, I have seen this problem upfront and it does exist.
The reality is that *every* marriage has a prenup. Either you sign one, or the state you divorce in dictates one to you. Think about it.
Prenups aren't worth the paper they are printed on in Colorado. They are generally ignored by judges after five years or so on the basis that the people signing could not have known what their future held.
Oh, and that ain't even the half of it! Alinony is peculiar in law in that it has very little legal reasoning behind it despite how common it's become. I mean really, what's the reason? Because the wife was "used to" that lifestyle? So what? Part of marriage is getting a better lifestyle.
I find the concept outright invalid. The whole point of marriage is two people mixing their lives together to get certain things, and one common thing is money, which some people consider before-hand and value. Why should she (or he, in the rarer cases) still be entitled to still get money/lifestyle when she (again, or he, but 70% of divorces are initiated by women) is the one who didn't want to be married anymore?
It'd be like rental contracts being able to be broken by the landlord whenevr the hell he wanted, and to still keep that month's rent. Nobody would be renting, and same is happening with marriage. Only reason people keep getting married is it's a strong cultural institution
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