Expensive Dates, Expectations and the Future (dating, movies, women, younger)
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Back in my younger days, I would foolishly try take women out on expensive dinner dates and plays/cultural events before I even knew whether they shared any of the romantic feelings or attractions that I had for them. Needless to say most of the time, after a couple of dates, they would let it be known that they just saw me as a friend or a perfectly nice acquaintance. Of course this is already after I dropped about 2-3K and time into what I thought was going well. Moving forward, I realized that it's best to let your intentions for a romantic, rather than purely friendly relationship, be known as early as possible.
Which leads me to my scenario. I've met a woman who is interested in getting to know me better, but wants to start off as friends as she feels that is the best way to transition into any sort of relationship. I should probably mention I am getting older and really want to begin a family-not to sound needy and desperate. How should I proceed? Should I honestly move on? I understand couples being both best friends and partners, but I've never really heard any successful stories of friends becoming romantic partners in real life. It seems something more appropriate for Hollywood to be honest.
Here's what I'm seeing: a guy who's posted a few whiny threads over approx. 6 months about how he can't get women's attention because he's too short. He finally meets a woman who says she's interested in getting to know him better, but she wants to take it slow (that's pretty much what "friends first" means). So, you're telling us you're seriously considering throwing this away?
No woman is going to go on a couple of dates and then ask you to make some babies with her. Getting acquainted is a process. You know this, right?
And btw, if you were spending "2-3K" on a couple of initial dates with women, idk, doc, there's something very wrong with that picture. I don't even know if we can help you. Nobody in their right mind spends 2-3K on a couple of dates with, basically, strangers. To be honest, I'm not seeing someone here who is in touch with reality in any aspect of his social life. It's puzzling. I wish you well, doc, but I'm a little non-plussed here.
how old are you? along with you dating experience, makes a difference because woman are looking for different things at different stages in their life. i assume she is generally in your age range.
And btw, if you were spending "2-3K" on a couple of initial dates with women, idk, doc, there's something very wrong with that picture. I don't even know if we can help you. Nobody in their right mind spends 2-3K on a couple of dates with, basically, strangers. To be honest, I'm not seeing someone here who is in touch with reality in any aspect of his social life. It's puzzling. I wish you well, doc, but I'm a little non-plussed here.
I dunno, he said he takes them to cultural events. I envision the opera. I imagine top hats, monocles, and those tiny binoculars are pretty expensive.
Back in my younger days, I would foolishly try take women out on expensive dinner dates and plays/cultural events before I even knew whether they shared any of the romantic feelings or attractions that I had for them. Needless to say most of the time, after a couple of dates, they would let it be known that they just saw me as a friend or a perfectly nice acquaintance. Of course this is already after I dropped about 2-3K and time into what I thought was going well. Moving forward, I realized that it's best to let your intentions for a romantic, rather than purely friendly relationship, be known as early as possible.
Which leads me to my scenario. I've met a woman who is interested in getting to know me better, but wants to start off as friends as she feels that is the best way to transition into any sort of relationship. I should probably mention I am getting older and really want to begin a family-not to sound needy and desperate. How should I proceed? Should I honestly move on? I understand couples being both best friends and partners, but I've never really heard any successful stories of friends becoming romantic partners in real life. It seems something more appropriate for Hollywood to be honest.
I did the same as you.
My solution, I would tell the new woman exactly as it is. Tell her that you are looking for marriage, not casual dating............that you wouldn't be happy with a living together situation or a weekly dating partner or a good friend and let her take it from there.
No dinner whores for me, Nick "Garo" (not my real last name but fairly close).
You know, some women may not realize it but few if any men are going to date a woman because the man wants the opposite chair at his table in a restaurant to be occupied. Some benighted women may wish it were so but no, it ain't so.
You and I were doing courtship with those women. Courtship. It is a financial, emotional, time investment in one out of two things.
1- The man is looking for a spouse or he is looking to find a live in partner. He courts the woman (as in days of old and in a courtly manner) hoping it will lead to a mutual romance if he shows her his best, his true self later on, his vulnerabilities etc..............That's my purpose for doing courtship.
2- The man is looking for sex with the woman and wants to wine her, dine her into bed.
Nobody in his right mind wants to spend money just to spend money. Nobody has excess money to just toss away on a "pretty" (or not so pretty) dinner companion who is going to give you a peck on the cheek or a handshake at the end of the night. Some women THINK or maybe WISH it were so but only in the movies is it so.
My solution, I would tell the new woman exactly as it is. Tell her that you are looking for marriage, not casual dating............that you wouldn't be happy with a living together situation or a weekly dating partner or a good friend and let her take it from there.
No dinner whores for me, Nick "Garo" (not my real last name but fairly close).
You know, some women may not realize it but few if any men are going to date a woman because the man wants the opposite chair at his table in a restaurant to be occupied. Some benighted women may wish it were so but no, it ain't so.
You and I were doing courtship with those women. Courtship. It is a financial, emotional, time investment in one out of two things.
1- The man is looking for a spouse or he is looking to find a live in partner. He courts the woman (as in days of old and in a courtly manner) hoping it will lead to a mutual romance if he shows her his best, his true self later on, his vulnerabilities etc..............That's my purpose for doing courtship.
2- The man is looking for sex with the woman and wants to wine her, dine her into bed.
Nobody in his right mind wants to spend money just to spend money. Nobody has excess money to just toss away on a "pretty" (or not so pretty) dinner companion who is going to give you a peck on the cheek or a handshake at the end of the night. Some women THINK or maybe WISH it were so but only in the movies is it so.
Thank you for your answer! This is really helpful.
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