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Hello,
my husband and I have come to a stale mate on where to live. We have been wanting and hoping to move to Fort Myers Florida for 10 years on and off. We had an opportunity 2 years ago, which we passed up, b/c of him. He looks for jobs there, has interviewed for two, and now gotten one. He says after everything has been worked out, that he doesn't "like" that job, and it isn't going to work. He promised me and our 3 small children that if the money worked out, we would go. It does. I am pregnant with our fourth and he today said b/c I gave him an ultimatum, that he needs to take this job, b/c I've stayed in Illinois for 10 years, since our wedding (we were supposed to move right after) that he wants a divorce. Of course this saddens me, and I don't know what to do. I hate it in Illinois. He loves florida, and so do I, but he thinks he is too "good" for this teaching job, b/c he wants to be an adminstrator. I told him take the job for a couple months, he can always move when he's in district. He doesn't care what I want, he doesn't care that I am so unhappy, he doesn't care that I he promised. We will divorce over this.
Hello,
my husband and I have come to a stale mate on where to live. We have been wanting and hoping to move to Fort Myers Florida for 10 years on and off. We had an opportunity 2 years ago, which we passed up, b/c of him. He looks for jobs there, has interviewed for two, and now gotten one. He says after everything has been worked out, that he doesn't "like" that job, and it isn't going to work. He promised me and our 3 small children that if the money worked out, we would go. It does. I am pregnant with our fourth and he today said b/c I gave him an ultimatum, that he needs to take this job, b/c I've stayed in Illinois for 10 years, since our wedding (we were supposed to move right after) that he wants a divorce. Of course this saddens me, and I don't know what to do. I hate it in Illinois. He loves florida, and so do I, but he thinks he is too "good" for this teaching job, b/c he wants to be an adminstrator. I told him take the job for a couple months, he can always move when he's in district. He doesn't care what I want, he doesn't care that I am so unhappy, he doesn't care that I he promised. We will divorce over this.
This is insane. There are two sides to a story, but so far, I have only heard your side, but I am on your husband's side.
You will give your four young children the legacy of a broken home over which state you live?
What happened to being a supportive wife, partner in life?
Darling, you're at fault for giving him the ultimatum. Say you're sorry and make it work.
It sounds like neither one of you is putting a priority on the happiness of the other. To me that's a vital part of a healthy, happy marriage.
And the fact that simply being together, wherever it may be, is not the most important thing to each of you, tells me that your problems are not just about this job opportunity in Florida. I would live anywhere to be with my precious husband. Anywhere with him is better than any other place without him.
You're reminding me of my ex. She complained about the area we lived in for 10 years. I'd built up a VERY successful business but finally sold it, and after much searching and negotiating had made arrangements to buy another one in an area she liked. And then she decided she didn't want to move!
I gave up my professional career so she could stay in the town she hated. Another 10 years passed and THEN we divorced. If I had it to do over again, I'd have told my ex to shove it 10 or 20 years sooner. (No, I'm not bitter, just wiser.)
My opinion is that you can enjoy just about any area if you set your mind to it, but finding a job that fulfills your ambitions in life isn't so easy.
If you're depending on your husband for the bulk of the household income, then I think you're being selfish and foolish to demand where he works. Maybe it's too late for you to recant your ultimatum, but I'd advise you to try.
Hello,
my husband and I have come to a stale mate on where to live. We have been wanting and hoping to move to Fort Myers Florida for 10 years on and off. We had an opportunity 2 years ago, which we passed up, b/c of him. He looks for jobs there, has interviewed for two, and now gotten one. He says after everything has been worked out, that he doesn't "like" that job, and it isn't going to work. He promised me and our 3 small children that if the money worked out, we would go. It does. I am pregnant with our fourth and he today said b/c I gave him an ultimatum, that he needs to take this job, b/c I've stayed in Illinois for 10 years, since our wedding (we were supposed to move right after) that he wants a divorce. Of course this saddens me, and I don't know what to do. I hate it in Illinois. He loves florida, and so do I, but he thinks he is too "good" for this teaching job, b/c he wants to be an adminstrator. I told him take the job for a couple months, he can always move when he's in district. He doesn't care what I want, he doesn't care that I am so unhappy, he doesn't care that I he promised. We will divorce over this.
What was the ultimatum? That if the family doesn't move to Florida, then you will divorce him?
If you're depending on your husband for the bulk of the household income, then I think you're being selfish and foolish to demand where he works. Maybe it's too late for you to recant your ultimatum, but I'd advise you to try.
I have a relative who made that mistake, SAHM with gown kids, demanded he work in her home county despite the fact their income would drop by 1/2, it would not be affordable, the 2nd was nearing college, and he'd be miserable. Today all 4, 2 married kids, 2 divorced parents, live in 4 states, all 500-1500 miles apart, and she has been a retail clerk making McWages ever since, living as a border. She gets alimony, but he is now 65, and I suspect will be forced into retirement, which will prompt more court time over reduced alimony.
She lives a mile from where she was born, and has been on anti-depression meds for the last decade. 1 of the kids last spoke to either parent 12 years ago. The other is seen by her mom 3 or 4 days annually.
By all means, attempt to undo the damage the silly ultimatum caused.
Last edited by bobtn; 02-20-2013 at 09:31 PM..
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I have a relative who made that mistake, SAHM with gown kids, demanded he work in her home county despite the fact their income would drop by 1/2, it would not be affordable, the 2nd was nearing college, and he'd be miserable. Today all 4, 2 married kids, 2 divorced parents, live in 4 states, all 500-1500 miles apart, and she has been a retail clerk making McWages ever since, living as a border. She gets alimony, but he is now 65, and I suspect will be forced into retirement, which will prompt more court time over reduced alimony.
