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I'm reeling over the decision to get a divorce. Married 8 years, we have a 3 year old son and my husband has a 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage. We have visitation/have her all the time when her mom is deployed.
My husband has ADD. He has self esteem problems. He doesn't have friends. After he cheated we tried marriage counseling with a woman who hated men so that didn't work! He has seen a counselor that has helped but stopped. After being in the Army he tried college but that didn't go well so now he is going to try an apprenticeship. After he got out of the Army 4 years ago I thought he'd finish school get a job and things would settle down and stop being about HIM. I stopped from moving back to Colorado so he could finish school. We will be moving across the country in 6 weeks as I'm going through a job transfer. I make the money, I make the decisions. I've stopped making them in some areas but if I don't do what needs to get done things won't get done. I bought him a $200 palm pilot so it could beep at him to tell him what to do. He finds things that work for his ADD, like writing lists and then stops the habit. H
After we move he says he'll start an apprenticeship. He does VERY well at work, likes working. I just feel like I'm a sugar mommy while he figures out when to grow up and get a job. I'm making separate accounts when we move, if he wants luxuries like the internet or to go skiing w/ me and my son he has to find his own way to pay for it. I'm hoping this will help but I don't know if I can wait any longer. I am in such a terrible mood when he is around and just sulk around my son. I want to just worry about my son and I. That is all.
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles....sounds like he is totally unplugged from the relationship......ADD is not the best thing to have but it's definitly managable and definitly not an excuse for slacking. There are people out there working and living with much worse.....sounds like he might need a wake up call......maybe if you have a serious talk with him and tell him what you told us and give him an ultimatum (I usually hate that word but sometimes it's needed). Good Luck to you! I hope things get better.
This is great advice. Tell him what you wrote here, maybe he does not realize you are that close to walking out. You should keep trying for your son's benefit.
I just feel like I'm a sugar mommy while he figures out when to grow up and get a job
obviously you have no idea what ADD is if you think hes with you for your money. ADD can get better as you go through adulthood, but if your an adult its not gonna go away. finding ways to deal with it helps greatly, and it sounds like hes trying to deal with it. dont punish him for things he cant control
obviously you have no idea what ADD is if you think hes with you for your money. ADD can get better as you go through adulthood, but if your an adult its not gonna go away. finding ways to deal with it helps greatly, and it sounds like hes trying to deal with it. dont punish him for things he cant control
Really?? I have to disagree.....as I said above....i'm sure ADD sucks but common......he's a big boy, he needs to take responsibility for the relationship and his contributions to it's faults. There are so many people out there that live and thrive under much worse conditions/situations.....don't give him another excuse to be lazy......
Really?? I have to disagree.....as I said above....i'm sure ADD sucks but common......he's a big boy, he needs to take responsibility for the relationship and his contributions to it's faults. There are so many people out there that live and thrive under much worse conditions/situations.....don't give him another excuse to be lazy......
i have ADD/autism. its gotten better because i can control it a bit, but it still effects me
im not saying he gets a free card to blame ADD for everything, but keep it in mind
you say hes unplugged from the relationship. thats a typical ADD symptom. its no coincidence he has no friends
I'm reeling over the decision to get a divorce. I don't know if I can wait any longer. I am in such a terrible mood when he is around. I want to just worry about my son and I. That is all.
it sounds like you have made your decision, best wishes
it sounds like you would benefit from counseling as well in dealing with all that you have going on; this would benefit you both in gaining clarity about your decision, and also making peace with it and moving forward with your life
i have ADD/autism. its gotten better because i can control it a bit, but it still effects me
im not saying he gets a free card to blame ADD for everything, but keep it in mind
you say hes unplugged from the relationship. thats a typical ADD symptom. its no coincidence he has no friends
I'm sorry you have to go through that but you said you've taken controll of it right? The human mind is a powerful thing.....if he sincerely wanted to change he could......it's more than possible. I'm strongly against enabling ppl to continue to shut off thier lives.....yea, maybe it would be hard work but seriously.....life is hard work, for most ppl, why allow yourself another excuse to become withdrawn?
Well get your but up and get out there silly! Life is too short to let anything stand in your way!
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