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Primal and primitive. It is the need to breed...the life force...I hope that some of you do not "throw up in your mouth"....All of my life - with any woman that I had sex with - I was ready to assume fatherhood if it happened...cos' I understand what sex is about- Reproduction..some of you in you modernity have totally forgotten that...If it were not for sex and the drive to reproduce...I would not have any children...I would not have siblings and I would not have me..Sex is not something dirty...It is when it is abuse and only used as re-creational and not creational. Call me basic..but that is the bottom line...Are children and having them a basic need? That's the real question. I could not imagine life without having my now adult children...it was sex that made me wealthy - it granted me family.
It's okay, now all I want is to enjoy what I have left. Visit as many countries as I can, watch my nephews grow up and help them as much as I can, enjoy my dog, possibly write a few a books.
What will you tell your nephews when they come to their Uncle with questions about their sexuality? And where did your cynical outlook on sex/sexuality stem from? Did your parents completely avoid the topic when you were developing?
Nah, I mean I expect YOU to dismiss anyone with a different perspective from your's with this Debbie Downer mumbo jumbo under the pretense of being a "straight shooter"/"realistic bah bah bah" and all that...Like you said, you feel like you've been in his situation. But I find it slightly odd and mildly comical that you consider yourself to be in the same situation as a 50 year old virginal man. Because if I recall correctly, (and I hope you dont mind me repeating your demographic info), you're like a 32 year old black female who is a bit sexually inexperienced because she has turned down the sexual advances of men who wanted it from her. I find that to be a FAR CRY from being a 50 year old man who has been beating his meat for the better part of 50 years, since he first entered this world. The only thing you two have in common is that you've both chosen to remain sexless, and seem to have an axe to grind about it. But yours seems to have come about because you are just turning down free sex due to whatever moral reservations you may have. Which I have tremendous respect for, personally. But, this guy doesnt even seem to have the option of doing that. From the sounds of it, he just hasnt been able to get any ass, and hasnt paid for any.
And really, I never told him not to listen to people who are like you. I said IF thats all he chooses to listen to then he'll wind up with more of the same. Period. You can doll that up anyway you want to...call it pep talk, mind over matter, or whatever. But whatever you call it it is absolutely reality. Equally or more realistic than sitting around borderline-suicidal, repeating this monkeybabble about what a lost cause he (or I guess in your case, even you, -according to your own account- are). YOUVE been down that road and YOUVE given up...Thats fine. You have no more fight left in you. I dont begrudge you that because I know the dating game is tiring. But he seemed to be searching for a different perspective so I gave him mine. He actually doesnt even need your input. I mean, obviously you're welcomed to give it but he VERY CLEARLY has the whole, "woe is me", "why me" pity party down pat. It doesnt seem, to me, that he really needs any more input on how to master giving up...Im not even saying he SHOULDNT give up, because like I told him a few posts back, Im not convinced he really even WANTS to have sex. But I just said that IF he DOES, then there are a few different ways to look at it.
To the OP, its all about what you choose to believe. In your mind, I think you've convinced yourself that everyone is out there having bundles of wild and rawkus jungle sex, when the reality is that there are people who come out of prison after being celibate for so long they might as well be virgins again, or who never lost their virginity before going in. And there are women who DONT seek sex all the time. Some have had hysterectomies, or other misfortunes and simply dont see the need for it so often. There are married people who havent had sex in YEARS. Quite a few married couples in fact are like this. There are people who wont set off sirens and red flags because you are a 50 year old virgin. But even if they do, OH WELL...keep it moving and go find someone else who WONT judge you because I promise you, not everyone has the same one track mind. But with regard to social norms, people project what they want the world to believe. That doesnt mean, that all of it is true or real. And remember, you dont have to impress or please everyone you cross paths with, so who cares if a few bad apples label you or judge you or whatever. Its only about making ONE other person happy. You just have to find that one.
I am not dismissing anyone's advice in fact the opposite is going on. You're not even listening to what I had to say because you're too busy painting it as 'debbie downer,' simply because I didn't jump on the bandwagon of "It will all work out! Just be yourself!" Bullsh*t that everyone spews without thinking of the reality of things. I didn't jump on the bandwagon because I been on it already for the better part of my life. I'd like the OP to know the outcome of being on that 'bandwagon' and ignoring everything else. People like you want to talk up all the positives and the could's and should's without giving any thoughts to what actually goes on. This is because you don't KNOW what goes on since as I said you've never been in any kind of position to test it out. So all you know is the positive outcome you assume will happen. What I'm talking about is the what happens when that positive outcome doesn't come at the rate he thought it should since he's followed everything people like you have told him.
I never said his and my circumstances are exactly the same, but they are certainly similar in that I at least know what it's like to be an adult virgin attempting to be in the dating world. Since you claim my situation isn't even remotely like his (which is laughable), how like his situation is yours? I highly doubt you've gone over 30 years as an adult virgin to even SAY how people respond to it. I can at least give him some clue.
You are 'recalling' very incorrectly btw: turning down the sexual advances of men who approach you for that sole reason says NOTHING about looking for a partner in life. But I take it by the way you expressed that part you're yet another man that feels 'getting approached by any man for any reason' is good enough for all women. Typical! I'm not just turning down 'free sex' your saying that again implies what I said above. .....I have 'no fight' left in me far as these dating things go, but that doesn't mean anything for the OP and his story.
He will not wind up with more of the same by listening to "people like me." Instead he will be prepared for the uphill battle that is likely to come. I know what comes from listening to people like you though, because I been there for the majority of my life. A lot of the talk about 'how great it is and just put yourself out there and all be fine!' with none of the talk of what REALLY happens when you do those things and you find out people don't react the way you expected. It ends up in misery because you're not prepared for how things turn out time and again. Maybe if someone had prepared me a little bit I wouldn't have been so disappointed. Lastly I am not telling him he's a lost cause -- there's no way I could know that. I said numerous times he should try if he hasn't but be prepared -- so get your facts straight if you're going to quote me.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 04-01-2013 at 07:14 PM..
I never said his and my circumstances are exactly the same, but they are certainly similar in that I at least know what it's like to be an adult virgin attempting to be in the dating world.
I thought you said you had given up and did not care?
You're basically suggesting that all advice on a forum is totally useless
I've gained some good advice even from people from different walks of life than I did, but it turnt out fine.
Life doesn't suck this bad. Negativity causes a person to give up before even trying.
I'm not suggesting no one on the forum knows what they're talking about. So read again. I'm suggesting that people stop painting a rosy situation based on their expected and assumed ideas about what SHOULD happen and pay attention to what DOES happen more times then not in these circumstances from somebody that has actually been it, you would think that would count for something. As I said to the previous poster, I assume they do this because they have no idea what it's like to attempt to date under these circumstances. I do not attempt to date anymore, there's no point, again this doesn't mean my ending is the OP's ending. But I haven't lived under a rock, I have at least been in the 'game' at some point in these 33 years. That should be obvious.
Just because 'negative' aspects aren't what people want to hear, doesn't mean you should bury your head in the sand and pretend they don't exist, instead you choose to puff up all the positives in lieu of that. Makes no sense.
Women would go running to the hills if they knew my past. I can't blame them. I would to if it was the other way around.
Okay so what are you hiding about your past that makes you feel women will go "running for the hills?" I keep getting there's something more than just the virginity you want to share??? I know you have said that you have a bit of a temper what else is there and don't you think you can work on these things. BTW I've never said it'll be easy ... life isn't easy but anything worth having never comes easy. It sounds like you want to have sex and some day possibly a relationship. I wish you luck and strength
I'm not suggesting no one on the forum knows what they're talking about. So read again. I'm suggesting that people stop painting a rosy situation based on their expected and assumed ideas about what SHOULD happen and pay attention to what DOES happen more times then not in these circumstances from somebody that has actually been it, you would think that would count for something. As I said to the previous poster, I assume they do this because they have no idea what it's like to attempt to date under these circumstances. I do not attempt to date anymore, there's no point, again this doesn't mean my ending is the OP's ending. But I haven't lived under a rock, I have at least been in the 'game' at some point in these 33 years. That should be obvious.
Just because 'negative' aspects aren't what people want to hear, doesn't mean you should bury your head in the sand and pretend they don't exist, instead you choose to puff up all the positives in lieu of that. Makes no sense.
You know what, you are absolutely right.
Positivity is a bunch of bull, and it's a waste of energy to even try.
What will you tell your nephews when they come to their Uncle with questions about their sexuality? And where did your cynical outlook on sex/sexuality stem from? Did your parents completely avoid the topic when you were developing?
Oh my nephews are all in their 20s but compared to me they still have some growing up to do. Two of them are still at university.
They would never come to me with such questions. It's not their style.
Of course my parents avoided the topic, my father is in his 80s! My mother has already passed away but she also avoided the issue. She was the perfect 1950s wife and mother.
Oh my nephews are all in their 20s but compared to me they still have some growing up to do. Two of them are still at university.
They would never come to me with such questions. It's not their style.
Of course my parents avoided the topic, my father is in his 80s! My mother has already passed away but she also avoided the issue. She was the perfect 1950s wife and mother.
I say this in the kindest way possible but there is something wrong with you.
Sex is a basic need unless there's something wrong with an individual. Either mentally or physically/chemically.
The fact that you still have the need to help yourself out daily shows that it's probably not a physical problem with you. You most likely have some mental/emotional problems. I can probably pinpoint it but this isn't the place to do it.
Go see a therapist and then go and see an escort just to get it over with for the first time. When you're on your deathbed you will regret this big time. You've already wasted a ton of time but you're in good health and everything works so get to work. lol
In the US, we have a passive aggressive view of sex. It's thrown in our faces all of the time but when it comes to individual sex acts it's somehow dirty. Capitalism (which preys on basic human functions) v historical Puritan beliefs.
Recognize your problem and try to solve it. Do you really want to regret something as trivial as having sex when you're dying?
When you're on your deathbed you'll beat yourself up over this. Not a good way to go.
Last edited by wawaweewa; 04-02-2013 at 09:03 AM..
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