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A few years back, a guy I dated who broke my heart. For a year, all I knew was heartbreak until I finally said enough and brought a ticket to a singles event on NYE 2011. I met someone else. I liked him even more.
He was my age (first guy was 10 years younger) & he talked/pushed commitment (marriage, children) from before he asked for my number. We dated for two months, at which time we became intimate. All of sudden, he claimed that he was the primary caretaker for seriously ill parents and he would not be available for a while.
I brought it for few weeks & then I shot off a nasty text stating he was full of it. I figured that would end it. He did not respond to the text but when Easter rolled around the following month, he sent greetings via text.
About a month later, he started calling me. I was not going to respond but I my uncle told me to hear him out. He didn't say anything except he wanted to see me. I said no and then changed my mind.
I was having minor surgery that would lay me up for a week. He called to check in but didn't come see me. He said he'd come see me every week for a month and never showed. I called to confront him, he didn't answer.
I was so angry that I sent a lengthy letter to his house telling him how I felt. He never responded. A month later I was stuck at the airport, still wondering if he got the letter so I called. By the time I got home, he showed up shortly. He claimed that things were moving too fast before and he just got out of a serious relationship.
He was engaged to a woman he had been involved with on/off for the 15 years. He cared for her deeply; felt she would’ve made a good wife, and that they would’ve had a nice life together. She had waited and put up with him for years. He felt he owed her marriage but claims he couldn't do it because he wasn't attracted to her. He did not desire her sexually. He also confessed his parents weren't as sick as he led me to believe.
He spent the night talking marriage, love, children, counseling, moving in and generally moving forward together. I didn't buy it but I kept an open mind but ultimately, he left again. I called to confront him, he hung up on me. So I figured that was it.
I started attending singles events. At one of the events I made a connection with someone new and was seriously getting my flirt on when Mr. marriage & children shows up. He breaks up my flirtation; I get upset and leave without speaking to him. He never reaches out (no call, letter, email, text, showing up on my doorstep, or smoke signal).
Another event was coming up and I asked friends & family if I should go. Everyone said yeah, I should not let him run me off. He was there again, comes over & to ask a number of pointless questions. I was short with him. He was taken aback and excused himself. He put me in a bad mood so socializing/flirting was out. I left.
It felt like there was more he wanted to say but didn't. I thought maybe I was too mean to him but then I thought, what was meaner than what he did me? I thought of calling to hash things out but reminded myself he lied, walked out, avoided me, & now he was making me uncomfortable at these events. He again did not reach out to me.
So about two weeks ago, another mixer comes along, I go and he's there. He says it’s always a pleasure to see me and tries to prod me into talking to him. I don't. He goes on to say that he noticed at the last event that I left 20 minutes after I spoke to him. He wanted to know if it had to do with him. I tell him I don’t know what to tell you but noted he must’ve been looking for me afterwards.
He starts talking how tired he is of these events (he’s been saying this from NYE 2011) and wants marriage, children and etc. He then invites me to go out with him & friends immediately after the event and I declined. He introduces me to one of his friends saying we know each intimately. I was mortified. I was there for 1 hour and he came over to me three times which I feel dissuaded anyone else with an interest. Feeling it was a waste of time between him coming over and his big mouth, I leave again.
The weekend passes, I'm still upset, look up his number & blast him via text. He calls and I don't answer. So Sunday its Easter again, I call him. No answer so I leave an awkward message pretty much saying if you want to talk let’s do this otherwise take care because I probably won't see you again. He texts me happy Easter. I text back saying bygones & happy Easter.
Admittedly, I still have feelings and I'm attracted to him but when men pump & dump, isn't it supposed to be a clean break? I never thought I would see or hear from him again. After I ran into him at the first event, I definitely did not think I would see him at the second one.
If you ply me with a couple of one night stands, avoid my phone calls/texts, and stand me up, why would you be anywhere I might be? Ok, say you want to go to this event despite my presence, why would you approach me after the way you behaved and my reaction to you? Mind you this is on top of him talking trash about how those singles events were beneath him.
I'd like to indulge that he was there for me. I did notice him looking at me from across the room a few times and I never caught him talking to other women. However, if that were the case, he has my number and knows where I live. He didn't reach out. Also, he left me over a year ago and we’ve been going to these singles events since September. When is he going to step up if it’s about me? That’s why I think it’s just coincidence and he’s just a douche.
The other thing is that this man is empirically & classically good looking. He has good manners, a good personality (when he’s not being a chicken), and a steady job. Of course he has drawbacks of being on the short side (5’7” or 5’8”), still lives at home and has flashes temper and/or potty mouth but nobody’s perfect. If he’s serious about making the ultimate commitment, how come year and half later he’s still trolling single events?
The first singles event was in September, the next one was in November, and the third was 2 weeks ago in March. That's 4 months between the second and third event. When I went to the third event, I knew there was a chance that I'd see him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him. If he hadn't hooked up and came to the event still showing an interest in me, I decided to hear him out. I swear if it could work, I'd jump at the opportunity. Unfortunately, my past relationships taught me rinsing and repeating is just that.
The way things work out between us (they really don't because I'm more confused than ever), I just don't understand. How come in all the time that has passed he hasn't figured out what to say? Why doesn't he say anything? Why does he keep coming toward me and then just stop? I'm not going to those events anymore. I've had enough. He's probably just looking for an easy lay. What do you think of this damn saga? Comments? Advice?
Normally I wouldn't comment on a post this Long.... However, since you said stuff like;
"smoke signals"
"pump and dump!" lol!
"ply me!" ( whatever that means, it's funny)
"he's just a douche!" lol!
"rinse and repeat!" hahaha!
"easy lay"
"damn saga!"
Well... I was entertained that's for sure!
I dont understand why people are all in one minute responding and talking & then nothing.
At least a person can step up to the plate and say, "Hey, listen, I think it is best if....". Or "The reason I haven't responded is because...."
You can then end that chapter and close the book.
Without an explanation it strings a person on. Book with no ending.
Fast forward your life 15 years from now... Could you sit down with him to resolve matters in the family?
Will he be there for you when both your kids are crying?
Can you honestly say he can make it on his own when he lives at home.
Like a previous poster said, this guy is a a narcissist. They charm you a lot in the beginning, and then when you served a purpose, they dump you. Its that simple. He's a loser and flake. He probably has no other options and is jumping back to you because he knows you still have feelings for him. Its all a part of the game. Go no contact on him for good and don't look back.
OP: I didn't read your entire first post. I got all the info I needed.
That guy will keep yanking your chain every chance he gets. Do you really think that he cares about what that does to you? Nope. If he cared at all about you, he wouldn't lie, be deceitful, etc.
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