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Basically in the author is arguing in the former that it's okay to do it before all your eggs in are in the basket and that you should grow together as a couple while the author in the latter is arguing that it doesn't make much statistical sense to do it young since young adults are still learning about themselves.
This article appeared on NPR earlier today and reveals the dark, utilitarian side of marrying from the perspective of the person writing the letter:
As a young adult, I don't really have a desire to get married at this point in my life and I find myself agreeing a lot with the author in the second article. I don't understand why some people make it their lifes mission to go and find a husband or wife instead of trying to lead a fulfilling life with or without someone. I remember thinking back when I was in 16 and I thought I had everything figured out only to look back at my 16 year old self as a young adult and realize how naive I was. I'm sure I'll do the same thing when I enter into my late 20s and I have some more life experience under my belt. I'm not opposed to getting married young, but I my opinion about it comes from seeing some of my friends do it because it was simply the next step in their lives. One of my friends dated a guy for about two years, got married, and got divorced a year and a half later. It's sad and I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I'm sure a lot more will follow suite when they realize their 18-19 year old self is a lot different from their 24 or 29 year old self.
Thoughts?
I do want some perspective from old people though. At what point in your lives would you say your personality, morals, values,etc... became cemented?
Basically in the author is arguing in the former that it's okay to do it before all your eggs in are in the basket and that you should grow together as a couple while the author in the latter is arguing that it doesn't make much statistical sense to do it young since young adults are still learning about themselves.
This article appeared on NPR earlier today and reveals the dark, utilitarian side of marrying from the perspective of the person writing the letter:
As a young adult, I don't really have a desire to get married at this point in my life and I find myself agreeing a lot with the author in the second article. I don't understand why some people make it their lifes mission to go and find a husband or wife instead of trying to lead a fulfilling life with or without someone. I remember thinking back when I was in 16 and I thought I had everything figured out only to look back at my 16 year old self as a young adult and realize how naive I was. I'm sure I'll do the same thing when I enter into my late 20s and I have some more life experience under my belt. I'm not opposed to getting married young, but I my opinion about it comes from seeing some of my friends do it because it was simply the next step in their lives. One of my friends dated a guy for about two years, got married, and got divorced a year and a half later. It's sad and I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I'm sure a lot more will follow suite when they realize their 18-19 year old self is a lot different from their 24 or 29 year old self.
Thoughts?
I do want some perspective from old people though. At what point in your lives would you say your personality, morals, values,etc... became cemented?
No question that your "core" - your values, morals and personality are all in place from a VERY young age - certainly by 18 those things are cemented.
So those aren't the things that you really have to worry so much about changing.
What you have to worry about, and what I think you are alluding to is, that people grow and mature well into their mid-late 20's.
What you like and think you want for yourself at 20 can be a lot different by the time you reach 30.
Basically, as you mature emotionally and physically you learn more about yourself as a young adult. When this happens your desires and dreams can take you in new directions you couldn't imagine at a younger age.
It doesn't always happen, but it happens often enough that people who marry before they're what I call "fully cooked" end up growing apart and not making it to their 7th anniversary. Fortunately, there are those couples who do seem to grow in the same direction, grow up together in their 20's so to speak, and they make long term marriages work just great.
Well, I can honestly say that at almost 22y/o I'd love to get married. Fairly new for me as before age 21, I avoided commitment like the plague. Lol just the word made me shudder.
Idk, personally I don't fear divorce anymore and in no way expect myself or my partner to remain exactly the same as we age. I think of love as being constantly in motion now so i dont cling to the idea of my mate. There's always that possibility that we could grow apart, yeah, or that our desires and priorities change so that we no longer are in agreement with each other, that could happen in ones 30s and 40s as well(men and women who experience mid life crises) but maybe I'm an idealist who feels that true love has this way of making things work. Also, I'm so committed to my own growth that I see being in a committed relationship as another way of developing as a person, learning to live with someone so closely emotionally who is outside of my family and I welcome that with open arms. It's an exploratory process but from the little I've experienced with love and romance, it seems like a very enriching experience!
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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I think people should marry when they feel ready, to someone who they truly feel they can spend the rest of their lives with. Don't get so hung up about the age thing.
Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
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i use to want to get married.. but i have changed so much in only 3 years now i'm grateful i never found anyone to marry.. now just the thought makes me wanna gag..maybe its fear...maybe its sadness.. but i no longer want it..maybe in 10 years i will
No question that your "core" - your values, morals and personality are all in place from a VERY young age - certainly by 18 those things are cemented.
So those aren't the things that you really have to worry so much about changing.
What you have to worry about, and what I think you are alluding to is, that people grow and mature well into their mid-late 20's.
What you like and think you want for yourself at 20 can be a lot different by the time you reach 30.
Basically, as you mature emotionally and physically you learn more about yourself as a young adult. When this happens your desires and dreams can take you in new directions you couldn't imagine at a younger age.
It doesn't always happen, but it happens often enough that people who marry before they're what I call "fully cooked" end up growing apart and not making it to their 7th anniversary. Fortunately, there are those couples who do seem to grow in the same direction, grow up together in their 20's so to speak, and they make long term marriages work just great.
Yes, and then you have those who make it past the 7th anniversary, still have failed to "grow up" and are stuck in a loveless or drifting marriage because they are too insecure to do something about it or they're in it for the "kids".
... I remember thinking back when I was in 16 and I thought I had everything figured out only to look back at my 16 year old self as a young adult and realize how naive I was. I'm sure I'll do the same thing when I enter into my late 20s and I have some more life experience under my belt....
And when you're 50 you'll look back at how dumb you were at 35. At least I did. And now that I'm 65 I look back at when I was 50 and roll my eyes. What an idiot I was then!
I would have made an awful wife in my 20's. I was too immature and self centered and very LIBERAL and ANTI RELIGION. Now of course I have done a 180. Sure I regret not marrying now because at my age there is a lot of trash in dating, but it is what it is.
Marry whenever you want. There will be pros and cons to both.
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