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I didn't mean that it is boring as in undesirable. Obviously, those parents are enamored with their kids.
What I mean is that all of the things you use to impress women, your knowledge of bars, restaurants, travels, etc, is not going to mean as much if anything when you're holed up taking care of babies.
As far as leaving the baby aside and carrying on with their friends and former life like it was, LMFAO lady. Which planet are you from? Have you ever had friends who have had kids? And once a second one comes, forget about it.
I mean, later on when the kids are a bit more grown, the parents can step out more a bit, but it never is the same.
Yes, I have friends who have kids. Married friends who keep up with their single friends regularly. (In fact, all their friends are single.) And who took their first child to China with them for a year, when she was two. They haven't let having kids slow them down a bit. I must know unusual people, judging by this forum...
I must know unusual people, judging by this forum...
You do. Or you're making it up.
It's nothing personal. It's just something that happens. Especially in the first year for the first kid, you will never see those parents. It's just how it is. It has happened to every single one of my friends without fail.
One I used to hang out with almost every two weeks and the first year he had his kid I saw him maybe twice that year. And that is not unusual. Maybe you'll see them more if you live close, but it will be for bits and pieces and never like before kids. And that's the good friends.
The fringe/acquaintance friends? Forget it. I'll talk to them and see them over Facebook or maybe once a year at their kid's birthday party.
Yes, I have friends who have kids. Married friends who keep up with their single friends regularly. (In fact, all their friends are single.) And who took their first child to China with them for a year, when she was two. They haven't let having kids slow them down a bit. I must know unusual people, judging by this forum...
I think this is dependent on a lot of different things. Do they live close to their single friends? Do their single friends often go over to their house? Do they only have one child? Personally, we moved out of the city shortly before we started our family. I don't see my married friends or friends with families as much since it's a bit of a hike. One of my good friends is single - and I still see her all the time because she doesn't mind coming up to see me. I haven't lost any friends - I simply am not able to go and visit them as often. I did become friends with my neighbors and I see them fairly often. Mostly, I invite them over because it's just easier since my house is baby proofed and their houses are not. Also, finding baby sitters isn't that easy - and I don't really like leaving my children very often anyway.
If your friends were moving to China for a year - I would assume they would take their daughter with them! That's not really a trip - that's a relocation. I have friends that travel with their children - but still not as often as they travelled before. Plus, it costs a lot more - so if you have plenty of money - it's probably a lot easier than if you are living on more of a budget.
I think it's great that you think that having children doesn't have to change your life - but having children is a lot harder than people might think. It's the best thing that ever happened to me - but our life is definitely not the same as it was before.
It's nothing personal. It's just something that happens. Especially in the first year for the first kid, you will never see those parents. It's just how it is. It has happened to every single one of my friends without fail.
One I used to hang out with almost every two weeks and the first year he had his kid I saw him maybe twice that year. And that is not unusual. Maybe you'll see them more if you live close, but it will be for bits and pieces and never like before kids. And that's the good friends.
The fringe/acquaintance friends? Forget it. I'll talk to them and see them over Facebook or maybe once a year at their kid's birthday party.
It's just the way of life.
How often do you go to see your friends with children? Speaking as a mother of 2 little ones - it's far easier for my friends to come visit me than it is for me to go visit them or meet them out somewhere.
I'm always noticed men staring, but never approach is it because I look away and act aloof? I also noticed married men looking, but why do they want me look at them and smile and they think they still have it going on. One time this guy was looking at me and I looked up at him and then he turned away quickly like he was embarrassed because he was looking. Do some men don't like getting caught staring?
As for the OP - you'd have to ask them. There are far too many reasons that someone might look at another person and not approach. For instance - they might be spacing out and happen to be looking at your face, they might be shy, they might be in a relationship but you caught their eye, they might be looking at food stuck between your teeth, you might look unapproachable, etc.
It's nothing personal. It's just something that happens. Especially in the first year for the first kid, you will never see those parents. It's just how it is. It has happened to every single one of my friends without fail.
One I used to hang out with almost every two weeks and the first year he had his kid I saw him maybe twice that year. And that is not unusual. Maybe you'll see them more if you live close, but it will be for bits and pieces and never like before kids. And that's the good friends.
The fringe/acquaintance friends? Forget it. I'll talk to them and see them over Facebook or maybe once a year at their kid's birthday party.
It's just the way of life.
I have no doubt that's been your experience. But parents can tag-team. One looks after the baby for an afternoon so the other can hang out with friends, or simply take some time off so as not to go batty looking after an infant constantly. hmm.... now that I think about it, I think this one couple had access to university daycare, because they were grad students when their first was born. So they had it a little easier. But they're also very active and adventurous people. You can always have friends over to hang out at home, or take the baby along in a carrier to visit friends. Not in the first few months, but within the first year. I guess it really depends on the couple.
I have no doubt that's been your experience. But parents can tag-team. One looks after the baby for an afternoon so the other can hang out with friends, or simply take some time off so as not to go batty looking after an infant constantly. hmm.... now that I think about it, I think this one couple had access to university daycare, because they were grad students when their first was born. So they had it a little easier. But they're also very active and adventurous people. You can always have friends over to hang out at home, or take the baby along in a carrier to visit friends. Not in the first few months, but within the first year. I guess it really depends on the couple.
It doesn't really work like that.
The part your missing is that they WANT to be with the kids. They PREFER to be with the kids over their friends. At that point, their life consists of them, their kids, their parents caring for the kid (if applicable), squeezing in some time to be alone with themselves, and after all that, if they have a smidgen of time left, their hobbies and friends.
Anyway, my original point as related to this topic stands. A lot of the game that you use to impress women is ultimately useless, because as parents, you don't really do any of that anymore.
I think this is dependent on a lot of different things. Do they live close to their single friends? Do their single friends often go over to their house? Do they only have one child? Personally, we moved out of the city shortly before we started our family. I don't see my married friends or friends with families as much since it's a bit of a hike. One of my good friends is single - and I still see her all the time because she doesn't mind coming up to see me. I haven't lost any friends - I simply am not able to go and visit them as often. I did become friends with my neighbors and I see them fairly often. Mostly, I invite them over because it's just easier since my house is baby proofed and their houses are not. Also, finding baby sitters isn't that easy - and I don't really like leaving my children very often anyway.
If your friends were moving to China for a year - I would assume they would take their daughter with them! That's not really a trip - that's a relocation. I have friends that travel with their children - but still not as often as they travelled before. Plus, it costs a lot more - so if you have plenty of money - it's probably a lot easier than if you are living on more of a budget.
I think it's great that you think that having children doesn't have to change your life - but having children is a lot harder than people might think. It's the best thing that ever happened to me - but our life is definitely not the same as it was before.
Well, moving out of town would make a difference. I'm speaking of people who stay in town where all their friends are. It's easy to drop by for coffee for an afternoon. And new parents do need a sanity break from time to time. Taking turns with the baby provides that.
My point was simply that socializing and activities don't have to end when a baby arrives. It's a choice, to some extent. The frequency of visits and activities may slow down, but one doesn't have to abandon one's friends. Some couples may be very into their kids, and may want to spend all their time bonding and watching the child develop. That can be tremendously rewarding and gratifying. Others aren't so baby-centered. (Whether that's a good think for the child is a whole other issue.) Different people deal with infants and toddlers differently, in terms of life balance.
Well, moving out of town would make a difference. I'm speaking of people who stay in town where all their friends are. It's easy to drop by for coffee for an afternoon. And new parents do need a sanity break from time to time. Taking turns with the baby provides that.
My point was simply that socializing and activities don't have to end when a baby arrives. It's a choice, to some extent. The frequency of visits and activities may slow down, but one doesn't have to abandon one's friends. Some couples may be very into their kids, and may want to spend all their time bonding and watching the child develop. That can be tremendously rewarding and gratifying. Others aren't so baby-centered. (Whether that's a good think for the child is a whole other issue.) Different people deal with infants and toddlers differently, in terms of life balance.
I know that you are trying to make a point - but when you say things like people don't have to abandon their friends or that some aren't so baby centered - it can rub people the wrong way. Let's just say that life changes when you have children. And in terms of JJS - who I believe still has me on ignore - him saying that the things that impress/attract women are worthless once you have a family - well, it just shows that he doesn't really understand what attracts a woman in the first place. I could care less if a guy tries to impress me with his knowledge about bars and travel experiences. I would say that the things that I found attractive in my husband are the very things that make him an amazing father and a wonderful husband. He can still make me laugh in almost any given situation. He is the person that I feel most comfortable talking to about pretty much anything. I know that we can have a good time together wherever we happen to be. I know that he is emotionally strong and can be my rock when I need it. These are the things that attracted me to him in the first place - and these are the things that keep me attracted to him everyday.
I know that you are trying to make a point - but when you say things like people don't have to abandon their friends or that some aren't so baby centered - it can rub people the wrong way. Let's just say that life changes when you have children. And in terms of JJS - who I believe still has me on ignore - him saying that the things that impress/attract women are worthless once you have a family - well, it just shows that he doesn't really understand what attracts a woman in the first place. I could care less if a guy tries to impress me with his knowledge about bars and travel experiences. I would say that the things that I found attractive in my husband are the very things that make him an amazing father and a wonderful husband. He can still make me laugh in almost any given situation. He is the person that I feel most comfortable talking to about pretty much anything. I know that we can have a good time together wherever we happen to be. I know that he is emotionally strong and can be my rock when I need it. These are the things that attracted me to him in the first place - and these are the things that keep me attracted to him everyday.
Sorry, I wasn't meaning to knock a parenting choice. I was surprised the JJS' friends ALL disappeared completely from his life after a baby arrived. I don't see why the before/after baby scene would be so stark as to be all or nothing, friendship-wise. As you said, people are usually welcome to visit from time to time (after a certain point), at the least. And also, yes--the point about what one chooses to get women's attention with introduced kind of a false premiss from the start.
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Re: feminist dating advice thread
