Crush on an older man/co worker (married, cheating, attracted)

[Steve Bagu]

Man might be thinking....."almost time to clean the pipes".

[strawberrykiki]

Sounds like a creep. He shouldn't be telling you personal things about his wife. Like anyone in an unhappy marriage has ever said it was their own fault. They always blame the other person.

[lastwomanstanding]

It is nice to get such attention from someone. Someone who talks to us and by what they say we know they are interested in us and listened to what we said. Age is just a number. You'll get a lot of people probably theorizing about issues with your father. Hey, if someone's hot, they're hot at any age. However, I hated the part (if I'm being honest) where you said he was married. For me that's the end. Because of that, I think it's good you do not work close together any more. I am not sure how his wife would feel (regardless of the situation on how they got together, if he's so unhappy, divorce her. Actions over words . . .) about the 2 of you maintaining a friendship but I don't think it's appropriate. You know there's an attraction and I guarantee you he feels it too. Unless and until he's divorced, I'd just stay away. I think you were just flattered by an attractive man. period. (to answer your initial question.)

[Celestyn]

Don't let this mess up your first real professional job out of college. Even if he divorces his wife and ends up with you, you would lose a lot of respect from management this early in your career.

If you want to pursue things with him, then wait until he is divorced and manage it discreetly outside of office hours. It is bad news that your coworkers have already noticed and are asking you about him.

[lmw36]

Originally Posted by Celestyn

Don't let this mess up your first real professional job out of college. Even if he divorces his wife and ends up with you, you would lose a lot of respect from management this early in your career.

If you want to pursue things with him, then wait until he is divorced and manage it discreetly outside of office hours. It is bad news that your coworkers have already noticed and are asking you about him.

Yep.

I don't even recommend managing it discreetly though. People will find out, and they will talk. People are sleeping together (Married and unmarried) in my office and everyone knows, even though they think it's a huge secret. These people aren't respected.

Also, a man who divulges his personal life with his ex to the new college grad with hardly any background with her isn't being romantic. He's reeling you in. I'm sure you're not the first, and you won't be the last.

There are plenty of older men out there who you don't work with if that's your thing.

[jaypee]

Originally Posted by funymann

That's way too much to read. Sorry. I get $150 an hour for that and with that post and my slow reading you would owe me fifty bucks! So I didn't read it. Lo!

Here's the Cliffnotes version:

He's an older married guy.

She's a young thing smittened by the attention.

They flirted.

Thoughts?

[Oleg Bach]

Originally Posted by jma501

I would have to agree with this poster. Btw, since you are an aspiring writer, he had wrote a book should be he had written a book.

The opening of this thread read like a pulp fiction novel. It was lengthy and it sounds like you enjoy writing and dreaming. You may have missed your calling. Write a book about your new mature friend. Do it up with some fantastic fictional accounts that lead to a torrid romance. Then a vicious fight with his wife could take place. Finally Kyle leaves his wife and you buy a cottage by the sea where you become pregnant and then the story jumps ahead by 15 years....Of course you lie to the child and tell her that Kyle is her old uncle and not her dad...Then you find out Kyle wants a sex change and begs for a boob transplant...Your boobs...Finally you fly into a rage and Kyle falls down the stairs and is impaled on his former wives' silver tipped walking stick...


Seriously - if the guy is married stay away. In the alternative what do you consider an older man? My father was 33 and my mother was 15 - they met during the war...but that is another story.

[LexWest]

Is his name Mr. Darcy?! I can't help but think the first few paragraphs remind me of Pride and Prejudice. (Can't say the same for the rest, however.)

In all seriousness, it's sensible you say you won't pursue anything with him, but I feel this is a harassment charge/lawsuit/train wreck waiting to happen. I don't get the sense he'll respect you for not pursuing him if he confronts you about wanting "more," and I suspect he will try to do that. Tread very carefully.

[Raena77]

Stay away from married men.

[amberH]

Well! Lots of responses. Didn't really expect much, so that was a surprise!

First off, just wanted to clarify (again) for potential posters, I have no interest to actively pursue a romantic relationship with him.
Honestly I value him as my mentor more than anything.
Yes there is a flirtation, but that does not mean I will act on it. That's just not who I am.
As for this marriage situation, separated or not, I would never do anything with a married man. All I can say about that is Karma! Wouldn't want to be a wife getting cheated on, so why would I ever be the other woman? Simple.

I liked one posters answer about why I find myself attracted to him. The poster said it was most likely because he is experienced, and that's true. I admire his accomplishments, he has loads of experience in multiple disciplines and that's why he makes such a great mentor. He brings a lot to the table, I value his advice and our talks.

In response to another poster, he does not hold 'power' over me. He simply introduced me to a higher up, and from there, I was the one who established a working connection with that individual. Can't take out the work that I put in as well. He may have established the initial meeting, but I was the one who followed up, expressed interest and secured the job (and am now working hard to prove myself).