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I was affraid someone was going to give me this advice.
To be honest I'm scared that if I contact her it will just make everything a lot worse. It literally is a no-win situation. "Best" case scenario: she misses me too, we start talking all the time again. I'm currently employed and living in Europe which is not going to change in the next 7 months. She's currently studying and living in Sydney, Australia. The reason we broke up in the first place was because of the distance. (I was supposed to move there as well but ran into a medical issue, a bacteria, that is still ongoing).
So literally, nothing has changed since we broke up in terms of our situation being absolute *****.
Worst case: she tells me "seriously? are you still not over us yet? you need to move on."
Yes, I might have a way too big ego, but that WOULD crush me. I'm very big on pride and self-esteem. Hence this forum being a good way to vent, everyone in the real world thinks I'm doing great.
To the people that said "find a hobby, sports": I work out 5 times a week, go jogging atleast 3 times a week. I have a very demanding job at which I work at least 10 hours a day and my weekends are always filled with social activities. I haven't been doing well with the ladies though, which doesn't help ofcourse. Basically all I do is go to work and work-out, but even at work.. I find myself thinking about my ex randomly in the middle of meetings. It's just silly, really. Pathetic. Not to mention the fact that my mind keeps glorifying her.
Burgler, all the stuff you told me I would tell anyone in my situation exactly the same. It's almost like I'm a schizo how I completely know I'm totaly in the wrong. This is also why even when I've been drunk as hell with the phone in my hand I never REALLY came close to ACTUALLY calling her. It would just be 5 steps back.
Don't be afraid! The rest of the world is wrong on this one, you do not need help. Help is for people that do reach out and they lady / gentleman tells them to get lost and they still don't move on. Why don't you just open a line of communication with her since you are so far apart location wise and see where that takes you? (more so than face book the way your settings are now.) You've got to be able to do this to know what your chances are. If you can't do this and are not moving on, then there is some kind of block. You seem intelligent, you know you must work on yourself too so that you are happy either way.
Hm, didn't you say in your other thread about her that you had been sober for 6 months? Are you an active alcoholic again? And are you still smoking pot every day?
Your problem is and has been staring you in the face all along. Go to treatment.
And if the things others are saying are true, such as the above, if you are drinking / drugging (again?) , go to AA - If you feel you have a problem. Good luck
You need electroshock therapy to erase your brain. I have an ex that still has a crush on me and he emails me on holidays every year. I don't respond to him and have blocked his email but every few years he gets a new email address (work) and they get through. I think he is pathetic because he has not moved on and our relationship was mediocre at best. I have no respect for him because it's plain stupid for someone to obsess over another person. It's been over TWELVE, TWELVE I say, years since my relationship with him ended.
If I were to see him somewhere, I would run the other way. It's creepy and scary
lastwomanstanding, she is over him and he will be making an %*ss out of himself by contacting her. He states that she said: "seriously, you are still not over us?"
Please do the girl a favor and don't contact her. Leave her alone. It would be selfish to try and get her back. Nobody deserves a stalker in their life.
You need aversion therapy, and I'm not kidding. First, get a rubber band and put it on your wrist. Every time you think of her, snap it hard.
Then get index cards and write out every irritating thing about her and all of the things she has done that have bothered you or hurt you. Then write all of the reasons you don't get along and any other negative thing you can think about her.
When you get nostalgic, snap the rubber band, then read your cards.
You will reprogram your obsessive mind in no time.
Then make a list of qualities you want in your next relationship. That should keep you off the streets.
You need aversion therapy, and I'm not kidding. First, get a rubber band and put it on your wrist. Every time you think of her, snap it hard.
Then get index cards and write out every irritating thing about her and all of the things she has done that have bothered you or hurt you. Then write all of the reasons you don't get along and any other negative thing you can think about her.
When you get nostalgic, snap the rubber band, then read your cards.
You will reprogram your obsessive mind in no time.
Then make a list of qualities you want in your next relationship. That should keep you off the streets.
Great advice! Wish I had come across this after my long term breakup.
Burgler, how long were you two together and how long has the breaking up been?
I understand you turned off her news feed on facebook but honestly why even have her as a friend? Deleting your EX and every connection to her (her friends & family) is a step that you need to take.
I've stated this before on this forum but until you replace that void she left....how can you expect to move on? I assume you no longer have a female you share long phone conversations with, a female you share your daily activities with, a female you love and hate.
Smoking pot and drinking will only cover up and then expose the wound you have. When it's good: you will say ''she wasn't worth it anyway''. When times are bad: you will say ''how/why is it over''. Point being you still have feelings. Drugs/alcohol will bring out these feelings. You need to be even keel.
Someone mentioned to try AA and that might be a good idea. You mentioned you are drinking to the point of being "drunk as hell" and from what I understand, scientists have linked love and "heartache" and getting over a breakup to the same process in a person's brain as getting over an addiction. So it's not going to be easy and maybe something like AA can give you the tools you need to move on--I think more so than this forum. It's worth a try and won't hurt you.
I feel for you and hope you can get over her and move on with your life soon. I wish you the best.
Thank you very much Zentropa for making everyone think I'm an alcoholic LOL.
I literally drink no more than once every 2 months. Yes, when I do I get drunk. You know why? Because in general I quit drinking, so 6 beers and I'm already gone... makes sense? I don't even like alcohol most of the time nor do I ever feel the urge or need to get drunk. I guess it's my fault for giving the wrong impression by referring to the very few times I was tempted to call her when drunk.
Oh yeah I also haven't smoked weed in over 4 months. So can we please stop all the AA talk?
I agree whole-heartedly with anyone who told me NOT to contact her.
I'm leaning towards deleting her off my facebook, I haven't quite mustered up the strength just yet but it's a goal I'm planning to reach. It would mean a lot to me though, don't ask me why.
I'm not going to contact her. There is no point in doing so. We're over and the last time we spoke she blamed me for all kinds of things I didn't have anything to do with. I even remember telling her "Im sorry but it was never my intention to hurt you" and she replied with the "well you can't take back what you did" when in fact I DIDNT EVEN DO ****! .. I'm such an incredible manipulating monster for being upset over her telling me she didn't have time to Skype with me once a week, right?
Anyways, I just want to thank everybody for the replies and advice. I honestly do appreciate it. I might try out some of these terapheutic suggestions.
I know this is probably narcissus speaking but just to make you guys think: anyone in my direct circle thinks I'm doing great. I've got a great job. I've got many friends. I'm in the best physical shape of my life. etc etc. I'm never bored or just sitting around and my life is packed. I'm just saying this to point out that the most "happy and well doing" person can be a miserable pile of sorrow on the inside.
I'ma just keep on pushing through this until I reach the day where her memory has been completely erased.
Send yourself some flowers and a "seriously you are over us" card.
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