My boyfriend doesn't seem to care when I cry (women, loving, husband)
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But we don't know what her "sadness and desperation" were about, so we can't make that call right now, can we? She could have been sad and desperate about him wanting to go out with the guys or something trivial like that. We just don't have enough information to warrant calling for a kick in the nuts. Let's see what the fights were about before we go about crippling the guy, okay?
I've seen it the other way too. I used to work with a guy that his wife was one crazy cooter. She never would cry, just do crazy off the wall stuff when she was upset. She got into the safe and took out their marriage license once and set it on fire as she threw it on the living room carpet. Burned out in the car and threw rocks all over him after almost running over his foot. Grabbed the wheel and made him hit a mailbox because of a fight. ETC....ETC...ETC...
I've seen it the other way too. I used to work with a guy that his wife was one crazy cooter. She never would cry, just do crazy off the wall stuff when she was upset. She got into the safe and took out their marriage license once and set it on fire as she threw it on the living room carpet. Burned out in the car and threw rocks all over him after almost running over his foot. Grabbed the wheel and made him hit a mailbox because of a fight. ETC....ETC...ETC...
my boyfriend (28) and I (25) have been together for almost a year, we live together and most of the time everything is wonderful and we're very happy.
In general he's a good boyfriend, he cares about me, says he loves me, asks me what I wanna do and helps me with things etc.
Then, on the other hand, we had a couple of fights/discussions where I started crying. To be clear: I'm NOT using tears to put emotional pressure on him and I also don't cry on every occasion, it just happens sometimes.
The times I cried was when he hurt me a lot or because of sadness and desperation of the situation.
Every time I cried he didn't seem to care at all. Even when I said things to him, like how much I love him and how much I hate when we fight and that I just wish he would hold me in his arms now.
His reactions are every time totally cold. He doesn't react to my tears nor to my words that strongly suggest him to make up and to hold each other (I'm NOT accusing him or anything in those situations, it's the opposite). Often he just leaves me standing there and does something else, completly ignoring my feelings. Sometimes he even lays down and falls asleep while I'm still crying. Or he sometimes reacts to my words and tears with even more anger and is being even meaner to me.
Now I'm at the point that I often leave to another room or so when I feel that I have to cry, so he doesn't see me crying.
I don't know what to think about it. If I imagine to see him crying, that would be the worst for me. I love him so much that I hate to see him in pain. I would take him in my arms and do everything so feels better. I believe him that he loves me, but what kind of behaviour is that? I've never ever experienced that with any ex-boyfriend. Especially falling asleep. Like he doesn't give a **** anyway.
What do you think? Can you give me an advice? Thanks.
Empathy in a BF is an important quality to have.. you're seeing him for his true colors.
At this point, you have to decide for yourself if you are willing to accept him for who he is or not.
Some guys may not understand what to do when a woman cries, but sounds like you deserve someone who's a bit more compatible and understands you, and is sensitive to your needs.
my boyfriend (28) and I (25) have been together for almost a year, we live together and most of the time everything is wonderful and we're very happy.
In general he's a good boyfriend, he cares about me, says he loves me, asks me what I wanna do and helps me with things etc.
Then, on the other hand, we had a couple of fights/discussions where I started crying. To be clear: I'm NOT using tears to put emotional pressure on him and I also don't cry on every occasion, it just happens sometimes.
The times I cried was when he hurt me a lot or because of sadness and desperation of the situation.
Every time I cried he didn't seem to care at all. Even when I said things to him, like how much I love him and how much I hate when we fight and that I just wish he would hold me in his arms now.
His reactions are every time totally cold. He doesn't react to my tears nor to my words that strongly suggest him to make up and to hold each other (I'm NOT accusing him or anything in those situations, it's the opposite). Often he just leaves me standing there and does something else, completly ignoring my feelings. Sometimes he even lays down and falls asleep while I'm still crying. Or he sometimes reacts to my words and tears with even more anger and is being even meaner to me.
Now I'm at the point that I often leave to another room or so when I feel that I have to cry, so he doesn't see me crying.
I don't know what to think about it. If I imagine to see him crying, that would be the worst for me. I love him so much that I hate to see him in pain. I would take him in my arms and do everything so feels better. I believe him that he loves me, but what kind of behaviour is that? I've never ever experienced that with any ex-boyfriend. Especially falling asleep. Like he doesn't give a **** anyway.
What do you think? Can you give me an advice? Thanks.
Well in those situations you pissed him off. Most guys including myself wouldn't show much empathy in such situations to a crying GF. If however you cry for example a loss of a loved one and other situations where there isn't friction between the two of you, I would show some empathy. If he wouldn't, then that is pretty cold.
Why would I only show "some" empathy? I'm a guy for the most part we keep our emotions in check.
Women are wired totally differently and while I'm on this, thats one of the biggest perks of not being in a serious relationship. Not having to put up with all the feelings and emotional BS. A little is ok, any more than that, no thanks.
You say "I'm NOT using tears to put emotional pressure on him" yet you have some expectations (I'm stopping short of using the word "manipulation") on how he should react when your tears start flowing. That doesn't jibe with me.
my boyfriend (28) and I (25) have been together for almost a year, we live together and most of the time everything is wonderful and we're very happy.
In general he's a good boyfriend, he cares about me, says he loves me, asks me what I wanna do and helps me with things etc.
Then, on the other hand, we had a couple of fights/discussions where I started crying. To be clear: I'm NOT using tears to put emotional pressure on him and I also don't cry on every occasion, it just happens sometimes. The times I cried was when he hurt me a lotor because of sadness and desperation of the situation. Every time I cried he didn't seem to care at all. Even when I said things to him, like how much I love him and how much I hate when we fight and that I just wish he would hold me in his arms now. His reactions are every time totally cold. He doesn't react to my tears nor to my words that strongly suggest him to make up and to hold each other (I'm NOT accusing him or anything in those situations, it's the opposite). Often he just leaves me standing there and does something else, completly ignoring my feelings.Sometimes he even lays down and falls asleep while I'm still crying.Or he sometimes reacts to my words and tears with even more anger and is being even meaner to me. Now I'm at the point that I often leave to another room or so when I feel that I have to cry, so he doesn't see me crying.
I don't know what to think about it. If I imagine to see him crying, that would be the worst for me. I love him so much that I hate to see him in pain. I would take him in my arms and do everything so feels better. I believe him that he loves me, but what kind of behaviour is that? I've never ever experienced that with any ex-boyfriend. Especially falling asleep. Like he doesn't give a **** anyway.
What do you think? Can you give me an advice? Thanks.
That doesn't sound like a generally good boyfriend to me, especially being even meaner to you when you are visibly upset. Feeling the need to leave the room so you can cry alone? I think you know the answer to this one.
There are plenty of women (myself included) who have no idea what to do when someone cries. It has nothing to do with him being insensitive or being a man. He just might not be accustomed to seeing it or aware of how to respond. I know I never saw either of my parents cry my entire life, so I just freeze up when people get emotional like that.
I'd guess that he takes your crying to be an attempt to gain sympathy, so he reacts opposite of what you want because he thinks you'll use it more to get your way, which makes him indifferent. Do you cry at other times? How does he react then? About all you can do is try not to cry during an argument.
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