He broke up with me (friendzone, settle, best, dress)
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And that is reason enough for her to be deemed not datable? Like, is leading with a masculine foot morally repugnant or something? I don't even know what leading with a masculine foot means. You see a lot of nonsense on this board that I consider bad advice. Among them is the tendency to think that all men are alike and all women are alike. A person who can support themselves, pay for a restaurant meal, lead in the workplace is not going to want to date a man who needs a simpering little girly girl. Does that make her manly? I don't think it matters because that is not a determining factor in someone who cannot find a mate.
I don't know who called what people jerks. And I certainly don't follow JJ's life. But it does not look to me like she is in the whiner camp that you see often enough on here that truly is limiting. She is duting herself off and getting back on the horse with a decent attitude. That speaks volumes about her likelihood of success in the future.
This comment is not about the OP because I don't know her but there are women that have a more masculine energy (doesn't mean you are manly, sometimes it's subtle). It will make dating more challenging as a lot of men are looking for femininity in a woman. Most men gravitate to women that make them feel like men. It's not impossible to find a mate, but much more difficult. It may be old school thinking but there are things that are just ingrained.
This comment is not about the OP because I don't know her but there are women that have a more masculine energy (doesn't mean you are manly, sometimes it's subtle). It will make dating more challenging as a lot of men are looking for femininity in a woman. Most men gravitate to women that make them feel like men. It's not impossible to find a mate, but much more difficult. It may be old school thinking but there are things that are just ingrained.
See thisis speaking directly to my point. There ARE things a person can do to improve your chances in dating. But this definitely does not strike me as a good example. People think in such terms of GETTING the mate. But what about once you've gotten him. And you hate who you have become? You can see right from this thread that there is not even a MAJORITY of men posting that they prefer a "feminine" woman who... whatever does not pay for things.
And I just don't agree that there is anything ingrained about requiring a woman be somehow less in order to bolster a flagging male ego. There are plenty of grown men who don't need a weakling female to know their worth. If that is what you gotta do to get a date, then why would anyone want one?
Those of us who have a more 'masculine energy' want to avoid men who want a more 'feminine' woman!
At least that's true for me. I can't stand guys who are so insecure that they have to prop themselves up with that whole fake last-century bit where men and women are supposed to be ineffably different.
I always end up feeling that they need to grow a pair -- of testicles, or ovaries, or SOMETHING -- just anything that comes from within themselves and doesn't depend on outside reassurance.
And I just don't agree that there is anything ingrained about requiring a woman be somehow less in order to bolster a flagging male ego. There are plenty of grown men who don't need a weakling female to know their worth. If that is what you gotta do to get a date, then why would anyone want one?
Could someone kindly explain what "leading with a masculine foot" means? I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what the heck that means in 2013.
LOL. I'm guessing it means something like "She's too assertive, it scares the menfolk." Or something.
But like I said earlier, there are a lot of aggressive, take-charge married chicks IMO. And Jet doesn't really come across as aggressive anyway to me. More of a tomboy who wears lipstick and pin up dresses fairly often.
Who knows? None of us know her in real life so it's all guesswork anyway.
Those of us who have a more 'masculine energy' want to avoid men who want a more 'feminine' woman!
At least that's true for me. I can't stand guys who are so insecure that they have to prop themselves up with that whole fake last-century bit where men and women are supposed to be ineffably different.
I always end up feeling that they need to grow a pair -- of testicles, or ovaries, or SOMETHING -- just anything that comes from within themselves and doesn't depend on outside reassurance.
Amen, sistah! When I met my husband, he was in college. I had already graduated and working a white collar job (back when we actually had to wear SUITS, gasp!). I was paying my bills, making my decisions, bringing my car to the shop, changing my own tires. He could bring the man when that was needed. And boy was that a lot of fun. But he did not need me to become incapable so he could feel manly.
I'm super bummed about it, and who else would I talk to but my CD buddies
Bought a new outfit, lookin super cute, went out to the park to meet the guy I've been seeing and he told me that he just wasn't feeling it like he had with previous girlfriends. He said he had a TON of fun with me, but saw me as more of a 'friend' than a 'girlfriend'. I told him to be brutally honest with me and he said it was because we split the tab and that I suggested dates instead of letting him do it.
I'm way more bummed about this than I thought I would be but I realized that I have ZERO idea of what to do with guys. I told him that it sucks that I have to hide all of my interests (cars, video games etc.) just to get guys to be interested in me. He agreed and said that must 'suck' to have to do that.
So...guess I'm super single again
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
It means not being a whiner and blaming other people for ones own undatability. Deciding that the entire other gender are jerks makes no sense when other people manage to find mates. These posters need to look in the mirror to find the lowest common denominator to their woes. It is them.
somebodynew, I appreciate your enthusiasm and unique sense of humor. Obviously, you and I have completely different definition of the word "confidence".
according to you, the word confidence means "not being a whiner and blaming other people for ones own undatability."
Well, Roosevelt once said "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."
To me, confidence is a feeling that you think you are capable of doing something. It maybe make you optimistic and pleasing. It maybe a plus for you to enjoy doing thing and enjoy life. But confidence is not the feeling that you think you are better than others. That is crazy not confidence. Obviously, op has no problems showing her vulnerability, sensitivity, and insecurity. She doesn't mind sharing her rejection story with the total stranger here. Only a confident woman has the power to do that.
I have no ideas where did you get the idea that op is blaming the entire male gender for her "undatability."
Call me arrogant, but the dude op was interested in sounds like a world class loser. Yes, JJ does deserve somebody way better than him. Did he even graduate from high school?!
". He said he had a TON of fun with me, but saw me as more of a 'friend' than a 'girlfriend'." LOL,
Really?! Most humans aren't mean-spirited by nature, but they do so many awful things in dating such as stringing along or leading on.
[LEFT]
He might be the classic "nice guy", he is definitely not a good man. He also sounds like a true pick up artist, believe it or not, It's truly an art to lead someone on. You have to defy physics - keeping someone suspended in space for extended periods of time. This loser dude is the master.
And I just don't agree that there is anything ingrained about requiring a woman be somehow less in order to bolster a flagging male ego. There are plenty of grown men who don't need a weakling female to know their worth. If that is what you gotta do to get a date, then why would anyone want one?
Why do you equate femininity with "less" and "weakling"?
Why do you equate femininity with "less" and "weakling"?
That's the definition that seems to be being used here. People are saying that Jet failed with this guy because she's too aggressive or assertive or egalitarian or whatever. If she were more feminine, meaning meek and demure and less, then the guy would have felt like a man and wouldn't have dumped her.
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