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You know, you date someone for several months but you have a child that the other party doesn't know.
Why do you keep bringing up children? They have nothing to do with this. OP has been with her BF for a year and has said nothing about kids, pregnancy, or any of that. All of this talk about kids is out there in left field and not relevant to the OP's dilemma.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LexWest
So, if someone puts out early, they're easy/not to be taken seriously; but if they wait, they're manipulative?
There's no winning, is there?
Which is why the OP should make no apologies for her relationship with Sal. It's done, it's over with, move on.
Honestly? It's really none of John's business how fast or slow she went with her past BFs, and he should have cut whoever the big-mouth was who brought it up off at the knees.
So, if someone puts out early, they're easy/not to be taken seriously; but if they wait, they're manipulative?
There's no winning, is there?
No. She is manipulative because of what she said in her OP. She did it because that's how you get a guy into a serious relationship. She didn't do it because she had a change of heart, or because he was special. She did it specifically to get him to do what she wanted. That is the problem.
I can't understand putting so much importance on the varying lengths of time that people wait to have sex.
I do dislike the phrase "because thats how you get a guy into a serious relationship." It absolutely sounds premeditated and manipulative (as opposed to waiting until it felt right, and maybe that was 4 months out. Or having had a change of personal morals.) But plenty of women have learned that they are more likely to be pumped and dumped if they don't wait. So...
Men then claiming to be victims because they don't get laid immediately, and that this then is why they will become ever greater heels and pump and dump... chicken and egg, I suppose, but you men are asking women to bite the bullet and risk being seen as cheap by those that they care about. What risk are you taking?
Honestly, if I were in John's shoes my initial reaction would be, "Wow, I guess she doesn't find me all that sexually attractive. Is she only having sex with me because she feels obligated to?" Now if it were explained to me that she used to be more "trigger happy" and she's now at a point in her life where she's making an attempt to no longer be like that, I'd absolutely do my best to accept that. But with no real explanation I'm not sure what else one could be expected to think other than: Sal = sexually desirable immediately .... Me = sexual relationship if absolutely necessary, eventually, if no other options.
No. She is manipulative because of what she said in her OP. She did it because that's how you get a guy into a serious relationship. She didn't do it because she had a change of heart, or because he was special. She did it specifically to get him to do what she wanted. That is the problem.
And what she wanted was a serious relationship with someone she liked and did what she thought she had to in order to make a favorable impression on someone who she says has a "conservative" way of looking at things.
Not sure how this is much different than a man not rushing or pressuring a woman with a conservative way of looking at things.
Of course, as someone else pointed out, how "conservative" can he be if she had to "make him wait." Sounds like he wanted to have sex much sooner than that. Maybe her big mistake here is that she didn't just go for it sooner. Then he'd have nothing to beyotch about. Then again, if she did have sex with him sooner, maybe he wouldn't have taken her seriously. As Nila pointed out, who is manipuating whom?
I think its obvious who is the manipulator here. Yes her big mistake was to wait too long. Sleeping with the guy right away is reserved for losers and dirtbags. Hahahaha
You will never understand men and how men think. You should stop embarassing yourself and quit trying now. Main goal of most young guys is to get laid as muich as possible with as many women as possible. Getting into a meanigful relationship with someone who "loves" you is more of a side effect rather than the goal. Of course when guys mature and have had plenty of what they wanted, they may decide to slow down
Twenty-six is not "young." He's not 18, where he's young, dumb, and full of...ejaculate.
And again, I call bullcrap on your blanket statement. Met my ex when he was 24. He was quite ready and eager for a relationship, as was the BF I had before him (who was 28) and the BF before him (who was 26), and the BF before him (who was 22). Not sure what kind of crowd you run with, but my past boyfriends were not horndogs led around by their little heads.
Mod cut: Personal attack.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012
I think its obvious who is the manipulator here. Yes her big mistake was to wait too long. Sleeping with the guy right away is reserved for losers and dirtbags. Hahahaha
Interesting, coming from one who seems to be proud of his history of one-night stands. Are you saying you are a loser or dirtbag? Because I can assure you none of my men were, nor is my SO.
You will never understand men and how men think. You should stop embarassing yourself and quit trying now. Main goal of most young guys is to get laid as muich as possible with as many women as possible. Getting into a meanigful relationship with someone who "loves" you is more of a side effect rather than the goal. Of course when guys mature and have had plenty of what they wanted, they may decide to slow down
Why play nice when a guys main objective is to scr*w you and move on?
Twenty-six is not "young." He's not 18, where he's young, dumb, and full of...ejaculate.
And again, I call bullcrap on your blanket statement. Met my ex when he was 24. He was quite ready and eager for a relationship, as was the BF I had before him (who was 28) and the BF before him (who was 26), and the BF before him (who was 22). Not sure what kind of crowd you run with, but my past boyfriends were not horndogs led around by their little heads.
Mod cut.
26 is very young for a guy, if you take todays dating world into consideration. Most people in their twenties are too busy having fun or furthering their careers, to settle down at that age, so comparing it to ancient times doesnt do us any good. Dont worry about taking personal jabs at me, it sort of lets me know that you are running out of arguments and honestly I couldnt care less. Haha
Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-01-2013 at 09:14 PM..
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So, if someone puts out early, they're easy/not to be taken seriously; but if they wait, they're manipulative?
Why do you keep bringing up children? They have nothing to do with this. OP has been with her BF for a year and has said nothing about kids, pregnancy, or any of that. All of this talk about kids is out there in left field and not relevant to the OP's dilemma.
