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I don't really understand the "making them wait" thing. Wouldn't it be better if two people were compatible with their views about sex? Making someone wait isn't necessarily "how you get a guy into a serious relationship" anyway.
If this story is true, the OP's boyfriend is immature. If they both agreed that "the past is the past" then this shouldn't be much of a problem for him unless he's perfect.
I can't really tell the gender of the people who are responding, but I would like guys' opinions and what as a guy would you want to hear that would make you feel better if you were in John's shoes.
John is a good guy but he's no sucker so me saying he's special (which he is) and that's why I waited is just not going to fly.
Tell him that women wait with guys they are serious about. Sal lost, and John won, in this contest.
Also, if needed, tell him that you did not make HIM wait, you made YOURSELF wait. And it was difficult. Some men imagine women want sex less than they do, and need stuff explained to them.
I can't really tell the gender of the people who are responding, but I would like guys' opinions and what as a guy would you want to hear that would make you feel better if you were in John's shoes.
John is a good guy but he's no sucker so me saying he's special (which he is) and that's why I waited is just not going to fly.
The icon on the left below each member's screen name tells you the gender of that poster.
If "it's not going to fly" then what is he going to do? I wouldn't want to be with someone I couldn't be honest with.
Tell him the truth. Let him decide for himself.
Your actions, whether well thought out or not, have reactions/ramification. This is true in all facets of life. You will have to accept and respect his decision.
Don't buy into the garbage spewing from many here stating your guy is a child or immature. Bitter sea hags.
A good thing for any "good men" to read comments from women on an obvious troll post, they gave much better answers than any "good man" could wish for.
Now the single, divorced, "single mom" and other posters can realize it themselves, why any guy should NOT let himself get legally bound to any woman or even a child, without paternity test.
Don't buy into the garbage spewing from many here stating your guy is a child or immature. Bitter sea hags.
The guy accepted that "the past is the past" and now he's whining about the past. That's immature in book. He wouldn't necessarily be immature if he hadn't agreed to that.
Yes he is immature and so is the OP. They sound like late teens or early 20s. Why is he even discussing the sex he has with his gf with his friend(s) anyway? Comparing notes and playing one-upmanship...that's mature! Not!
Mod cut: Inappropriate language.
Quote:
Originally Posted by theS5
Tell him the truth. Let him decide for himself.
Your actions, whether well thought out or not, have reactions/ramification. This is true in all facets of life. You will have to accept and respect his decision.
Don't buy into the garbage spewing from many here stating your guy is a child or immature. Bitter sea hags.
I don't know if he is all that immature. I've seen humans of all ages make agreements and then find that their emotional reactions are not subject to legislation.
My guess is: He thought he could let the past be the past. He discovered that he was wrong, had not predicted himself accurately.
As for worrying that he will break up with you -- you do not want a man who wants some fake, imaginary version of you. You want a man who wants the real you, and who can understand that you learn and change. (I thought lovesMountains' post on page 1 here was really good.)
He has learned something about himself. Can he accept that you also learned something about yourself?
Up until Last Thursday, my relationship with my boyfriend ("john" has been excellent. We met over a year ago and things really clicked between us. The chemistry was great. I'm 28, he's 26. He's on the conservative side so when we got serious he wanted to have "the talk." I basicallt told him that I don't think the past is important and that we should focus on the present and our future together. I think he grudgingly accepted that.
Thins in the bedroom are pretty good. I made him wait a while (about four months) before we got intimate because that's how you get a guy into a serios relationship. He wasn't happy, but said he'd respect my wishes. Anyway, I concluded that he was the man for me.
This past Wednesday when he came over he had a funny look on his face. He said he wanted to discuss something. Basically, he found out That I had "dated" a guy he knows tangentially. He also said that he was told that I had sex with that guy on our first date. He asked me if that was true? I wasn't ready for that shock and didn't answer. I think he took that as a yes.
He quietly then said something like "so you made me wait for months but you put out to dirtbag "Sal" first night out?" I didn't know what to say. John then left. I've called him many times and it was only today that he finally picked up. He's agreed to meet up for a coffee later on tonight.
The story about "Sal" is true but I haven't admitted it. How do I handle this?! John is a really good man and I don't want him to leave me. How should I approach our coffee tonight and what can I say to get things back to the way they were?
This strikes me as manipulative and dishonest. If you used to be "easier" for lack of a better word, but learned you lesson and wanted things to be different with your current BF, fine. Tell him that. If you thought your current guy was special and wanted intimacy to be special, fine. Tell him that. If you were trying to manipulate him into a serious relationship, good luck. You may not have started off in the most honest way, and it could come back to bite you.
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